cause i don't feel like talking.

2009-11-27T16:48:00.002+08:00

Yup, I'm back. Not for good heh. After contemplating for a very long period of time, I personally feel that it is time for me to leave this humble abode of mine, simply because I want to move on with bigger things.

And yeah, I have moved on to another place.

You take the pieces of the dreams that you have
Cos you don't like the way they seem to be going
You cut them up and spread them out on the floor
You're full of hope as you begin rearranging
Put it all back together.

I doubt anyone reads this, anyway.

Time to close the curtain :)

2009-07-10T18:28:00.005+08:00

Thank God it's Friday ;-) I can finally let my hair down for a day or two but I'd still have to complete my presentation, assignments and reports all in one day.

Beware..stupid post ahead. hahahahahahhha

Too many things came crashing on me recently:(

First, a close family friend of mine passed away unexpectedly. I had a few regrets, which I know, I have failed myself. I had cherishing moments with him, and yet I couldn't be there to bid farewell to him. My ignorance had caused me such regrets.

Second, Joanna was diagnosed with a disorder recently. She seemed pretty depressed, hopeless and helpless. I don't want her to leave her in denial and yet I don't want her to face the harsh reality of truth because I know, her tiny heart cannot take it. It could be too painful for her. And I'd hate to see her suffer :(

Third, I got dumped. By Rick. hahahahhha

Fourth, the problem which I have been facing for 4 years. Negative thoughts are flooding again, and I'm trying my best to keep hope alive. HAIHZ.

Lastly, about MJ. I'd always loved him, despite the stupid baseless allegations and also the tabloids. He never once touched those kids. I've got hundreds of facts to prove to you that he's purely innocent. He had a big heart to give to the less fortunate, and the world's just too sick to make use of his humanity for their own cruel and selfish intentions. What a horrid life. His kids were his biggest source of happiness, and yet the media refused to leave them alone. If only, he could have a day of pure happiness, that would be just enough. More than enough. One of the biggest misconception ever about him was that he bleached his skin. He had Vitiligo, for goodness sake. It's a skin disorder where white patches form on your skin and he resorted to going to the dermatologist for skin treatments to even his skin tone. Yet, all fingers are pointed at him. Never ending stream of accusations, malicious lies, fabricated stories and stupid rumours. The world is superficial and gullible for believing such lies. They judged him. Scornfully. And when he died, people became forgiving instead. People tend to be forgiving when there's death. Should I say, death is a wake up call to realize, or perhaps, its only faux forgiveness? I don't know. All MJ wanted was his childhood memories. His childhood memories were robbed. After all, he's still a young boy at heart - yearning of company, and love, like any other beings on earth would wish for. Yet, he smiled because he was hurting. (oxymoron statement. BAH)

That fact saddens me more when I listen to Gone Too Soon, Smile, You Are Not Alone and Man in the Mirror. I grieved, I cried, I weeped a bucket of tears when I was watching the memorial service. And also his concert in Bucharest.

“In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe."

Your tenacity, passion, heart of gold, unsurpassed love is indeed, one in a million. The world may not see it, but I can, and I'll always do.

I need barbiturates lah deng

2009-06-01T22:32:00.002+08:00

Mood swings are inevitable. I would be lying if I were to say that I've never experienced it. There are series of ups and downs, which I presume you are able to see that some posts are about some crazy stuff and some are just downright depressing. Inconsistency. The day officially wraps up with some reflections. Words, thoughts, actions ; they linger in my mind.

I realize that I depend on Him a whole lot. In whatever I do, in whatever I accomplish, I really depend on Him. But sometimes, my dependency on Him becomes so mundane and I don't see the significance of it. I admit, I've been struggling with my past (and also present) about actions that I have done which have hurt Him and also myself. Taking things for granted, skipping devotions/prayer time because I was just too occupied with my own stuff. The exhaustion. Days turn to weeks. Weeks changed into months.

The connection was lost. I wanted to get closer to Him, but my past actions have hindered me from doing so - the guilt, the shame. I was only a speck of dust. I envied those whom He saw as gold. I envied those who had continuous relationship with Him, while my relationship was on and off. Everything became so familiar, and I got sick of it.

I've always wondered whether I'll go to hell some day. My worthlessness. My vulnerability. My shame. I'm always stuck with predicaments that disrupt my relationship with Him. Who else could I blame? None other than myself. And this, again, adds salt to the wound.

I felt rotten. Inside. Brokenness, which will haunt me so long as I exist.

Does God play favoritism?
I can't help but succumb to human flaws. Living in this superficial world, blinded and misled. All we like sheep, have gone astray, each of us turning our own separate way. Believing the lies which are planted deeply in our minds.

God isn't fair,
but He is just. He might give you various talents. But if you are gifted with two talents, He expects two from you. If He gives you six, then He expects six from you.

I'm facing lots of calamities. Just that the impact is aggravated with this myriad of feelings. It has been 4 years that we've continued to stay strong. There were times I felt jaded that I didn't want to give anymore. There were also times where I convinced myself to bounce back by Faith.

Faith is simple but rather complicated. This may be an oxymoron, but Faith is what carries me through. Being realistic is a barrier to shield yourself from hurt and disappointment. The world is full of pessimism. So, realism equals to pessimism.

I still hate the fact that my flesh is weak. Afterall, I'm merely human. If God embraces it, why can't I?

Everything will be fine..

2009-05-26T13:45:00.002+08:00

I LAFF MAI NU BLING BLING.

Rosabel's reaction was CLASSIC when I showed her the pictures of it. Perhaps she was dumbfounded of the layer of adipose tissues, I suppose.

Business paper was the SHIZ. So there goes my efforts of self-indulgence of erm, you know, superficial delights. Opportunity cost yo. For screwing up the paper.

Sigh. If only I was lying down on green pastures with the sweet scent of sunshine in Scandinavia, and not hard marbled floor with a bunch of Economics notes. If only I could ditch everything here, take time to smell the roses and run to Scandinavia with my iPod.

I think I'm loving Wordpress more although it is not user-friendly. Because of some superficial stuff, which alas I might not say.

Sugarcoated Superficiality. Yum.

2009-05-02T19:18:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I am thankful that some hot guys are gay. Or at least, I think.

Because I know, I cannot have him. And the best thing is, no one else can when I can't. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO.

Although it hurts a tiny bit, but deep down there's actually a slight twinge of happiness. HAHA 8)

AND I HAVE 2 FRIENDS OF MINE WHO CAN'T HELP BUT AGREE TO THIS. I don't think I would reveal their names, but it is REALLY OBVIOUS. HAHAHAH.

I shall not elaborate further on this matter :)

You know what?

It is such a bane to be crazy for pool right now. Stupid timing. I should be undergoing the process of nerdification right now but I'm actually looking forward to have some good game with my pals till late night.

WEEKENDS ARE ALWAYS SHORT AND LAZINESS ALWAYS KICKS IN. I am annoyed at the fact that laziness and procrastination never fail to dwell in me especially during the weekends. I contradict myself practically all the time by saying I want to push myself further to strive beyond my limits and then I hopelessly find myself idle at the same time.

You know what?

I hate posting pictures in my blog cause it is too much of a hassle and this lousy computer of mine turns off by itself when I run too many applications on it (like only MSN, winamp and Firefox). I know, Blogger has that draft-saving thingy, but by the time my computer revives back to its original state, I forget what to write. And also, my thoughts - which I have painstakingly taken the time to squeeze my brain till the juice comes out.

And when I could finally have a slight grasp to it, the stupid computer annoys me once again and dies on the spot. I have 0 patience. It is impossible for me to pen my thoughts down cause I would be so busy kicking ~~and cursing~~ this piece of crap.

To my disbelief, it is alive again. Then it is dead. It is then alive. And dead. And alive. Dead. Alive. Dead. The process becomes so mundane that you have already acquired immunity against it.

.....shall go do some Math now. But I am feeling a tad sleepy. This stupid idiosyncrasy (of being super duper slow in doing Math especially at night) of mine is really aaaannnnoooooyyyyyiiiiiinnnnngggggg!

EDIT: Oh my goodness, I wonder what went wrong today because I couldn't even hit the stupid red balls into the pocket. I tried hitting it, hoping that it would move to the pocket at 90°. But it moved in an opposite direction, messing up the entire arrangement!!!!!!! It is probably because of the stupid table and the cue(?) since Khai and I took a whooping 30 minutes to complete it.

I guess I'd still prefer playing in private, in Ken's hang out crib, since there will be no eyes watching from afar, no pressure, etc. Best of all, it is free of charge! Now, who doesn't love free stuff?!

2009-04-19T17:25:00.011+08:00

This is a story of noob, who was initially deemed as a fool but played so damn good in pool.

I beat him once. He beat me once, too. It was so close! Geez. Sucker.

PS: I don't know why there are two videos when I only uploaded one. Even brother Google couldn't lend me a helping hand. IT IS SO FLIPPING ANNOYING.

2009-04-16T19:46:00.002+08:00

Directionless lives ; nowhere to go.

I'm feeling low, today. Because I feel like a piece of crap. And everything around me seems invisible and transparent. I'm so oblivious to the obvious because I can't see. Too overwhelmed.

A broken string, unplugged. Nothing but defeaning silence, and it becomes an unpleasant clamour of silence. In the realm of nothingness. The sun forbears to shine, its rays dissolved in the wide horizon. I see broken light rays. A void that is too infinite, beyond what I could grasp, beyond any human comprehension. The remaining pieces in the void are scattered everywhere. Picking each piece, becomes a burden. The littlest effort goes to waste, futile. A spark of hope is ignited, but winds of doubts are much stronger. The spark. It is gone. Optimism evolves into a cocoon of pessimism. The void is left unfilled, incomplete, once again.

I don't want to feel, because I refuse to give my emotions and impulsive thoughts a stronghold in my mind. I still can't get used to it.

2009-04-10T19:22:00.003+08:00

I know that my blog has no pictures, duh, but the essence of blogging is mainly about words, yo. Well some of you may beg to differ, but then blogging seems so commercialized right now, so yeah, opinions can be distorted. But not wrong. I never said that :)

I saw A Samad Said yesterday in the literary fiction section in MPH. I was actually alone, browsing through some classics and I realized he was just beside me. So cool.

Why, oh why, must I be tempted by superficial delights?

Simple; because I have XX chromosomes. But with a wee bit of XY thoughts sometimes.

I'm dying to doing well in my trials next week and I am slacking so much today. This statement is an oxymoron.

I'm a new soul, I came to this strange world. Hoping I could learn a bit but how to give and take. But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear of finding myself making every possible mistake.

2009-03-27T19:08:00.002+08:00

Ooooooh...... :)

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

I can't even convince myself and that is probably the main reason why I loathe optimism. Maybe not. I'm just paranoid. Stress is bubbling over me and I can't help but wallow myself in self-pity. Sleep debts are accumulating and I have barely time for myself to read good books, listen to great music, go ga-ga over superficial stuffs or even say, watch the Gunners in action. And when I have the chance to have a short nap of say, 15 minutes, I can really sleep like a dead log without heeding the sound of my super darn loud alarm.

However, picking up the phone when I am semi-conscious is an involuntary action. I do not know what I am talking about when I am groggy, and the most ironic thing is that I can seriously talk to them as if I am in a pure conscious mode. I take 10 minutes to realize that I'm actually having a conversation on the phone, and when I am awake, I forget totally about everything that had just happened. Case of being doomed to oblivion.

Sometimes I wonder why things are like this. Oh well, we're only humans. Wait, I am only human. HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PUN INTENDED since I'm talking about myself, only :D

On a random note, I think Smokie looks a whole lot like Marley.

Taken in 2005.

Anyways, U2's No Line On the Horizon album sounds really tempting. I've only tasted a bit of it and it is perfectly sweet for my liking.

.....*exhales* I need coffee, by the way.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt, simply because ; the thought of you drifting away from me and at the same time, you're so dearest to me, becomes too significant at a point .

2009-03-08T21:05:00.002+08:00

Your love for me is so immense that my slightest twinge of pain touches You. It’s comforting that although I'm hurt more than I feel I can bear, I don’t carry that pain alone. You feel my agony. At last I bring to you not just my pain but this whole mess, to be dealt with Your way. Everything within me seems to rebel, with stirring hatred inside me, but I know hating will not harm him/her even the slightest. I’m tempted to feel a hypocrite because I find it so hard to spit out words of blessing, because of the grudge that I hold. Forgiving is such a tough task, partly because it is so critical to my own emotional and spiritual well-being that the spiritual enemy strongly attacks us on this issue. I face the difficulty forgiving others, therefore I have difficulty forgiving myself, too. These two things tend to go hand in hand.

The decision to forgive is like deciding to break a bad habit. It’s a highly significant moment, but it’s only the beginning of the end. Like other bad habits, the craving for resentment will return and each time you will again need to hand it over to the Lord and deny yourself the self-destructive pleasure of wallowing in the mud of resentment.

Your love overwhelms me. It’s exhilarating to realize that despite hurting so much that I cannot even grasp the magnitude of what I have done, Your love for me is also so vast that it defies my comprehension.

Help me to carry on, give me the strength to move on. Only the Word secures; the life of Hope, and the Hope of life.

Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I've lost.

2009-02-27T18:39:00.003+08:00

Mango and Passionfruit! Yum.

Nope, no coffee today, haha :) Please pardon my Starbucks - the ultimate place of sin ; obsession.

Managed to catch up with my old time buddies today, had great laughs, embarrassing moments and of course... damn good food :P

Talking about emotional fumes, sigh :(

Some of one's best days will be some of one's worst, and I cannot help but feel as shitty and crappy as ever. Yesterday, today and tomorrow - I bet. And not forgetting the coming days. One will move on, one will grieve. One will gloat in joy, one will endure in pain. So distressing, really.

Life's classic, and yet it can be a total err, bitch. (I've searched in the dictionary and it is no longer a forbidden word to say, because it is not considered as a profanity, anymore, mind you)

VRAGH. It is not cool. It's flipping annoying.

Whatever. I need to learn to shrug it off, somehow.

D'oh.......
that's so Homer Simpson, anyway.

2009-02-21T20:01:00.004+08:00

Contemplation on Fridays. The smell of caffeine lingers. The cream overflows with sinful indulgence.

To frappucino with love. Signs of addiction. Gasps.

This is perhaps the only way to communicate in the library where everything in it remains muted. A masterpiece by Andrea, Daniel, Sarah and I. Hohoho =)

Yesterday.
Was full of crazy moments.

I cannot help but feel intimidated, fearful, doubtful, euphoric and high at the same time. Blended emotions.

I did my makeup in Clinique with Sarah in Pavilion and boy, I was so excited.
I'm a noob.

Bought my first mascara and I am smiling gleefully. I KNOW I AM A NOOB!!! Grr.

My night couldn't be better with the company of Andrea, Sarah, MQ, Sandy,etc. Especially the dancefloor part, man, everyone let loose of themselves and enjoyed to the maximum, although the DJ pretty much sucked (sorry =/). Well of course.. there's absolutely no way you can compare a novice with the DJs in MOS or AVB :P Sandy, Andrea, Esther (NOTE THIS, ESTHER! =p) and both Sarah dearies! My dancing partners, hahahahhahahaha XD

.....I'm not very fond of posting pictures in my blog, yeah, I know, it's BORING. But well.. just one lah. One moment of vanity won't kill :D

Are we humans, or are we dancers?

2009-02-06T19:07:00.005+08:00

This week was like.... banana peach crumble!

Sweet, milky, warm, crumb-y, juicy :)

I've been ragged for the 3rd time in my life, and boy, I never knew it could be so exhilarating, simply maybe because I spent 3/4 of my time dreading it back in high school. So I had to practically put my dignity aside, thicken my skin and be a go-getter this time.

I had to propose to Floyd in front of everyone in the student lounge.
I had to bunny hop around like some kind of playboy poser. WTH. Ha ha ha.
I had to sing and act like CBN's cheerleaders.
I had to sing with my croaked voice, uh. Moment of embarrassment.
I had to hug some random people. Let me clarify this : I am not deprived of affection, its just that I had to... do it. So yeah.
I had to do the infamous chicken dance.
I had to smack some random person that I have not acknowledged before on his back and tell him that he's sexy.
I had to be lame in order to make lame jokes. Ha ha ha. I guess being lame is my forte, no? :)

And so the list goes on and on...

But then some of my friends had to like err, hold hands and hop around like bashful schoolgirls and exclaim that they're seriously gay in front of lecturers (classic man!), steal the bell from the librarians, make real loud noise in the library so that they could gain attention, smack some guy's ass and etc.

Not that I am complaining, but hey, I actually enjoyed doing these :) I know, exposing myself to public humiliation and finding it enjoyable is basically the dumbest thing to say, but I've learned to find joy in trivial things. Ragging ended with a splash and chaos unveiled throughout the bombardments of the deadly water balloons towards us from all directions. It was like war, and seniors were like exact duplicates of Hitler splashing entire bucket of water on us but some smart guy managed to topple the bucket without them knowing. And oops, no more water left. We the juniors clapped and cheered, haha. Some of them managed to throw the water balloons and aim at the seniors on the second and third floor, but it hit something so our plan sorta backfired.

Waking up at 5.30am daily, doing jumping jacks and duck walks, wearing our school uniform (Andrea and I met some smkb-ians back in KTM, and how OMG can that be?!?!), taking oaths of the Student Council (DAULAT STUDENT COUNCIL!!), marching.. never felt so good before. Okay.. lame I know, but whatever :p

Moving on a lamer note, wait... didn't I mention that being lame is my forte? Haha :)

We had the funniest accountings class today with Mr Ferns because he told us about his arguments with the examiners regarding the fact that English should not be the utmost priority in accountings, despite the vast differences of our English standards in various countries.

I SECOND THAT.

Besides, he told us about students and their English. Pun intended!

My mother make love to my father.
My father make love to my mother.
My sister make love to my brother.
My brother make love to my sister.
So we are a loving family.

And also..

I didn't on backside air con.
I tried to fix my mother backside air con.

ROFLMAO our entire class guffawed like siao man I tell you. CLASSIC!

Accountings is always fun, but it was never this fun before, and also due to the fact that we have a whole bunch of cheeky people who liven up the atmosphere with their lame jokes :) And I'm pretty much sure that there is more to come, more to look forward, more to anticipate not only in college itself but also during cell groups in CF! =)

Once again... life's little surprises never fail to astound me. And truly, I am grateful to know that He has given me strength to love, hope and carry on :)

UTTER LAMENESS : If Andrea meets a hot guy, what do you think the hot guy would do?
- He would probably call a ghost buster because err.. you know lah :)

If Joanne meets a hot guy, what do you think the hot guy would do?
- He would call the bomba people/firemen because Joanne is too hot to handle. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :)

2009-02-05T19:31:00.002+08:00

Your grace is enough, more than I need.

..............I feel poetic at the moment. Shall draft something worthy to be posted up real soon :)

2009-01-27T12:24:00.004+08:00

I am superficial. But not ditzy :)

......Maybe.

2009-01-16T20:52:00.004+08:00

Dear Jasmine,

I know how you feel right now, the pain you're going through, the burden you're having on your shoulders. Life's.. unexpected, is all I could say, but nevertheless, you must be brave to face all these with confidence that you will get through this. Be strong, my dear Jas, for every cloud has its silver lining. If you feel shattered, regain back your strength to pick up the bits and pieces slowly. I believe you can, because time will heal your pain. If you need someone to be your pillar of strength, do not hesitate to speak to us, because I will assure you that we will be there, just for you. If you need words of comfort or shoulder to cry, you can always seek us for basically everything. Let not yourself sink into depression, let not yourself be weak. Hang on just right there, okay? Be strong, be bold, be who you once were ; the Jasmine who we once knew, and always knew.

Take care, Jasmine.

2009-01-09T20:04:00.003+08:00

College life is.. interesting! :) I am learning to love it despite the fact that I am loaded with assignments, projects, community service and all though. I usually have a short nap on the way to college because I am very groggy in the morning, sheesh. And also the new circle of people in college. They're great company of friends :D

Gotta get used to having insufficient sleep and 24/7 mugging.

Since I have the burning passion to do well A Levels, I'd better keep it flame alive. LOL.

On Fridays, my accounts class starts at 10 and ends at 12, followed by Christian Fellowship. After that, I would be lepak-ing somewhere in KL Central, most probably having my lunch there at McD or lazing my ass off in Starbucks, completing my assignments or revising/studying there.

Thank God for Ipods and free wifi.
I'm starting to appreciate my N80 and the wonders it could do :)

Ah.. life's little suprises :)

2008-12-27T13:16:00.003+08:00

Before 2008 officially wraps up, well, it wasn't quite a good year though. Mishaps do occur, but in the end, you still have to suck it up and get back on track. I wouldn't say its a bad year, because I do count my blessings and I have learnt that suppressing jealousy isn't easy but worthwhile.

~~I admit I was once a superficial and green with envy kind of person. Once, was and always be (I hope not.)~~ Haha.

So much to look for and dread in 2009. To be frank, I really need to learn how to be a dainty woman because I have absolutely zero knowledge about it. Heeeee (LOL!)

Oh well, hello 2009 :)

2008-12-02T14:14:00.002+08:00

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side

U2 - With or without you.

Talking about music and dramas.. how I interpret my own thoughts about them =)

Music is an enigma.

I take music very seriously. The way how every little detail blends together to complete a symphony of great music fascinates me, all the time. To me, there is absolutely no such thing as love at first sight in music. Maybe that instant liking is a form of attraction that everyone experiences, including me, from time to time. But then, it takes time to search for good music; music that will never die or fade out through time. Music that leaves footprints and some raw thoughts for you to ponder is a never ending process.

You grow to love; and appreciate. That is how I decipher music in my own lingo.

Take The Verve's Love is Noise as an example. Frankly, I didn't like it when I first listened to it mainly because I was so used to the stereotype-kind-of alternative Rock music. That song was ...rather weird. But I never knew that it gave me such a deep lasting impression, that continued to play and linger in my mind.

Why?
Maybe because it was different. Maybe it was exotic.

That drove my natural desire to listen to that song once again, and automatically I found myself paying attention to the simplest details of the song, ranging from the arrangements, the chemistry, the keys, the lyrics. Soon, I began interpreting the raw thoughts and the meaning of the song. I like the way how music works ; it may seem subjective, but you can actually mould the raw ideas into something far more different and significant.

That is the beauty of music =)

On a serious note, I appreciate any form of fiction, whether dramas, novels or movies that connects you with reality and leaves a picture in your mind. Life's epic stories. Thoughts to ponder about life. The mechanism of feelings. They do not have to be articulate. From my point of view, it is up to you to unbridle your imagination. There is no right or wrong.

Meanwhile, I do enjoy comedies once in a while. I'm not that serious, I love good laughs too. Basically anything. 30 Rock, Arrested Development, The Office.. and even Japanese, Hong Kong or Korean dramas.

Music and fiction are correlated. When you think of a song, your thoughts can branch out to different ideas for you to create your own stories. Same goes for fiction. When you think of a certain story, you can sort of associate it with any song that you think would perfectly fit in.

Haha, a friend of mine said I criticize too much about dramas, but hey, you need criticisms to make up for compliments in the future anyway! =)

PS: Life's at its peaking point at the moment. I'm loving it.

2008-11-28T14:53:00.002+08:00

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

The Script - Breakeven.

That was just a impulsive thought. It does not depict my current situation, so, worry ye shall not. My endorphines are still in excess :)

It was so ironic that I managed to have a good sleep a day before SPM, but I was fidgeting the whole night before SPM actually ended. SPM was not actually that bad after all, because initially I thought I would get so paranoid that I would curl up myself like a ball and freak out like banshee. But it turned out quite the opposite.

SPM is funny. The irony.

WL019A BILIK SATU was on the third floor, and my kawan-kawan were all in BILIK DUA situated on the second floor. For the third floor, only one room was occupied - mine. And me and my friends had such a hard time climbing 1000 steps. That could possible increase our pulse rate by 50%. Not forgetting to mention that we were quite freaked out too. So I guess our pulse rate increased to 120 beats per minute. HAHAHHAHAHA.

Throughout the exam period, I felt nostalgic. Although it was only a few days that we were apart, but I felt sorta.. disjointed. From my pals. Oh well, I shall drown myself in good music, at the moment. An exodus of escape. To the world of surreal music.

Blogging is starting to bore me. ECH.

Shall be waiting for my Clement (he aspires to be a doctor but I always tell him to be a midwife. HAHAH) to be over with his accounts paper so we could go treat him sushi and ~~puffer fish~~ =) LMAO.

2008-10-27T23:29:00.002+08:00

Okay.. so I finally had some bit of time to blog when I'm not supposed to. And it feels so.. sinful and wonderful at the same time. Simple because I love slacking (duh) and SPM is creeping up my ass day by day. I've been going out too frequently, but my whims and fancies are 50% fulfilled, so I'm contented, erm, a tad... but too much time wasted just like..that. Oh dear, I'm drowned in self guilt.

Okay lar enough of nonsensical kata-kata aluan.

Why is it so difficult for us to stay neutral? Subconsciouly, we can be biased at times, especially in judging situations and playing the blame game (which all of us are infamous for, undeniably). At times, we act as if we have an upper hand which literally means, we can be bossy and dominant most of the time. Those are my pet peeves, people who have so much of ego and pride, and yet selfish when it comes to decisions. Ironically, I see that in myself, too. I'm not perfect, I have my flaws and shortcomings. And it is even tougher because I am a perfectionist, and I certainly cannot accept my flaws.

But no, things don't work out like that. Someday somehow life will teach you to accept your imperfections. And being humble, too. Because life has its own turmoils and conundrums. But worry not, because for every single thing that you gain in life.. is worthwhile. The process may be bitter... but the aftermath is sweet =)

Do you think that intelligence surpasses hard work and efforts? Frankly I'm quite confused, though.

A nemesis is about to begin.. super cliche, I know. But wtha the heck la giler babi.

and I will be giving my best shot :)

2008-09-11T19:33:00.002+08:00

Just ignore the typo errors LAH. I malas nak semak.

Aku baru balik appointment ngan doktor. Yea lah. Untuk membersihkan telingaku. Ada kala rasa sakit, ada kala rasa gatal.. ah. Korang tau la ada apa ngan telingaku. Banyak benda kat situ. Aku berasa sungguh rambang pada hari ini. Entah je LAH. Baru hari pertama dengan peperiksaan percubaan dan aku berasa okok Je. Tak ada apa yang menarik LAH. Segala yang berlaku itu adalah dalam tangan-Nya, dan Dialah yang menetapkan segala-galanya.

Tentang perkara NS tuh saya dah tak peduli. Mungkin kali pertama aku berasa sedikit kekok, namun perasaan ini yang sudah lama terpendam dalam hatiku sudah menjadi suatu kebiasaan. Entah apa dengan aku lah hari ini. Kadangkala aku terasa terkongkong, terikat ngan banyak tanggungjawab yang harus kulaksanakan. Tekanan yang tidak pernah berhenti melanda kehidupanku di sekolah ibarat sungai yang mengalir. Walaupun disekat, namun ia tetap akan megalir juga.

Mungkin aku sendiri ialah masalahnya. Aku bukannya marah dengan apa-apa. Aku rasa semua masalah itu bermula dari aku. Aku yang menyebabkan semua nih. Masalah aku tidak memberi sepenuh hati. Aku tidak mahu dituding jari. Aku asyik merasa semacam je. Macamlah aku tidak mempunyai masa lagi. Aduhai, kenapa aku berfikiran begitu pesimis? Kerana aku takut untuk menghadapi masa depanku.

Tapi... adakah aku sudah menyerah kalah sebelum memulakan perjuanganku?

Aku tahu. Perjalanan tuh memang tidak mudah, seperti yang dijangka. Harapanku belum putus. Dan tidak akan putus, sekiranya aku masih menaruh harapan kerana harapan tidak akan mengecewakan kita, bahkan harapan dapat membawa sesuatu pengertian.

Karam di laut boleh ditimba, karam di hati bilakah sudah?

Ku terpegun melihat apa-apa yang berlaku hadapan mataku. Hanya aku sahaja yang mendengar alunan muzik yang merdu itu. Ruang rindu..yang kian menggebu.

Aku kerinduan. Dalam rintikan gerimis senja.

Aku dah buat keputusan untuk berhenti blogging buat sekejap. Ala, bukan aku malas nak tulis dalam belog saya, tapi saya tidak mempunyai masa untuk berbuat demikian. Buat saja untuk kali ini. =)

2008-08-13T18:17:00.006+08:00

BANGANG!

Considering the fact that I was (quite) lucky this year, I never knew that I would be so lucky this time to hit the jackpot.

I guess you guys already know, that I GOT SELECTED FOR National Service. Boon or bane? Yay or Nay? I still consider it as a BANE. Sending me to some alien place with the worse facilities ever for 3 months? Thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather spend 3 months of my life doing something worthwhile, and not going through hell on earth.

"Eh, NS fun ma, "

Yeah, fun. To die early is equivalent to fun?! I really can't see myself putting my life in jeopardy. I wonder why they ever implemented this stupid programme, and everyone wants it to be scraped off, but yet, despite harsh criticisms from the public, they still choose to continue this stupid sh*t which is a total waste of money and land. Not like its something so MEMBANGGAKKAN. SIALLLLLLL!

If only the place was well-kept and maintained, and the trainers are professional enough (not the type who would stuff you with PANADOL when you're sick, whether fever/flu/diarrhoea/constipation), I would definitely go. But things aren't the way we expect to be.

And regarding those far fetched objectives, I find it rather ridiculous. To instill patriotism in an 18-year-old teen within 3 months? Excuse me, don't you think 3 months is a wee too short, and what more, to instill patriotism in a rebellious 18-year-old teen? This a lifelong learning thing, and how can you learn this in just 3 months with all those propagandas. Those blatant lies. Even kids take years LAR, for goodness' sake.

You never know how I enraged I was when I received the SMS that I was selected for NS. They shouldn't congratulate me at all, they should apologize to me for choosing me to go through hell on earth. Among the other victims (1/2 of my class got selected) were TPK, Ben, Jo Yee, Jasmine, Amily, Thuvija, Kenneth, Ken, Ai Lynn, Ling and the list goes on. We were dumbfounded that all of us who kena-ed were Chinese (just stating the irony), and the number of people who kena-ed was like, practically half the class, while other classes had only <10. Super bias weyyy.

SHADDUP LAHHH. I'm brushing this matter aside, because I feel that I should concentrate on my upcoming trials and SPM, and not wasting my time criticizing NS. Because I know I will never stop criticizing, there are just too many things to criticize anyway. No full stop one, I tell you.

"Brush it off aside. This shouldn't deter you from doing well in SPM,"

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM MY MOMMA. Jiwang Jiwang~~

After deliberating for quite some time, go mai just go LOR. Maybe it'll sharpen my survival and leadership skills. HAHAHAH. Angkut bakul sendiri, eh. LOL. TPK said maybe he'll bring back his wife from NS. WTH man.

MOAN WITH ME, PEOPLE. IF THESE WORDS WERE PEOPLE, I WOULD HAVE EMBRACED THEIR GENOCIDE. Pun intended. I'm done (: Kthxbai

2008-07-06T00:47:00.007+08:00

and I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes, and everything will be alright

Lifehouse - Storm.

Je suis un Free-Wheeling Idealist. ;D

Fortunately, I'm still alive :) Everyone should have a march in a parade to celebrate for me. Oh yes darlings, shower me with gifts! OKAY, BLAME IT ON THE ENDORPHINES. Scratch that.

This is going to be a jumbled up post, as usual, modus operandi. I hear someone baa-ing out of nowhere. Jitters.

I'm learning to appreciate school, because it's my final year and of course I don't want my rekod kelakuan to be scribbled with nonsensical but UNINTENDED offenses. Plus, I'm planning to maintain my merit points so that I can use it wisely, later :D

CBN menang again LAH, for national finals (choir). And we beat St John for debate. Eh bangga giler LAH deiii.

Anyway, back to the serious side. It is ironic that I have more compassion towards animals rather than humans. Animals may not have conscience, but it feels that they've swapped their conscience with humans, and it's practically amazing how some humans can live without brains, and also, not forgetting conscience. Disappointing, no? About the animal cruelty thing, it does hurt, though.

There should be a death penalty for stupidity. If I had the chance, I would run the bulldozer over their house and place them to live in a lion's den. Okay, I exaggerated. Just a tad.

I feel like a damsel in distress LAHH. Uh. I need to get back on track. Lately, I've been listening to Coldplay and Amy Winehouse. Ah, everything moulded into perfection. Tastefully done.

I thought I could drown myself in music, but I had to study for History. Such a turn-off LAHH. Like a fiasco. KANTOI, for certain.

I'll try my best to write a thing or two for this month of July. I'm not the emo type of girl (but I have a penchant for British Indie Rock, which is equivalent to emo music), so don't worry, no heartbreaking/depressing stories *hint* I admit that I sometimes hate the sight of my blog together with the outdated entries. Sorry, mates D:

I need to rest, at the moment. Don't want to look like a raccoon who just got wasted tomorrow. HAH.

Toodle-oo for now :)

2008-06-08T19:01:00.002+08:00

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise

Hillsong - Till I See You.

SMKB CF CAMP was the ultimate BOMB. Or, the creme de la creme, you would probably say.

I'm definitely going to blog about it, because good things are worth sharing LAHH right. Bangga!

First and foremost, I thank the big boss/DAI LOU/God for everything. I admit, I was a bit hesitant to come to this camp, due to my high expectations and my perfectionist attitude, but it all changed, and it was more than what I actually expected. God really works in unexpected, mysterious ways ; that I cannot even comprehend myself.

Outdoor activities especially Nighthike was the highlight of the first day, just so you know. The pathway was okay in my opinion, but it can get pretty frustrating when it is slippery because it rained cats and dogs previously before that. Stream trotting at night was a bit scary, cos you had to take every brave step forward with faith. When you just gaze onto the sky, smell the fresh air, look at the lush greens and listen to the symphony of God's creations, it gives you that sense of calmness and tranquility inside you. Close your eyes, listen to the surroundings; it really makes you ponder for a while and admire God for how great He is.

The speakers were wonderful, especially Esther Jie Jie, Uncle Button and Pastor Katherine. Their prayers were just too powerful. Uplifting. It was a moment where everyone opened their hearts to receive Jesus, to yearn for that personal touch from Him, letting go of the past, emotional hurts, problems. Their messages were precise and clear, and sure thing, we did learn from that. It's great to know the others (especially those form 1 & 2s were paying attention to them).

Praise and Worship time. Haha! I specifically wanna thank Andrea, Ernest, Jacqueline, Sieh Jin, Gibeon, Grace, Adelene, Jeremy and also myself :P for every moment. Although we would gobble our food in lightning speed for worship practice but I still think that it was worth it. Despite the fact practicing until 5am on the last night where I dozed off in the middle of it and you guys were still practicing with full force and semangat wei. BANGGA GILER. Tak pasal-pasal I woke up when you guys were practicing the Great Awakening. And also I lost my voice, wait no, my voice turned husky and sultry. Whooo, smexay. CUNKAP kan?! :D

Prayers were just, amazing, I tell you. Seeing everyone of us kneeling on our knees, lifting our hands high up, crying and shouting praises, holding hands, it was such a surreal sight. Okay, probably not surreal, more like touching, actually. It was so silent, and you can just feel God's presence. Every tear you cry is always precious in His eyes :) Yeah man, I couldn't believe the fact that I cried and bawled (okay maybe not) my eyes out during prayer. Too bad Andrea didn't see it LAH. JOANNE JADI EMO WEI. GEMPAK man :P

I also love the long night chats with Ms Assunta and Andrea. We shared our heart's deepest desires and the visions God gave to us during prayers. It was a good experience, really. I talked to Jacqueline and Ms Assunta when the rest of them went for stream trotting, I didn't get to go LAH because I had fever, so I missed all the fun, heard that it was very adventurous from most of them. Sometimes we want to pursue something beyond our reach by faith, but at the same time, we are held back by our fears. It can get pretty confusing, actually, but I realize that sometimes all you need is to tune down the world's volume and listen to God's voice :)

There were also moments where we had spiritual warfare, as I would consider it. It was kind of intimidating and scary at first, but we prayed over it and moved on with faith. Once, I lost my room key, and my initial reaction was OMG KANTOI LARRRR! I was dead scared and upset, because I failed to fulfill my responsibilities, and I knew that either satan was playing with me or God was probably testing me, so I paused, prayed over it, searched frantically and oops, it appeared hidden right under the keyboard. I searched the whole place you know, from the canteen to the garden, and you know how big the compound is, but I'd still think that it was worth it. Every second :) So, I decided to wear the room key on my wedding finger to remind me, just in case if I forget again.

I did enjoy myself, though the schedule was a bit camped and I was loaded with so many responsibilities as the room leader, group leader, pianist cum vocalist, but I would say, it was indeed a great opportunity to seize. Great exposure I would say that this camp really broadened my horizons and helped me to move out from my comfort zone.

When the camp ended, the committee members and I gave a sigh of relief and shouted IT'S A WRAP! and gave each other high-fives. It feels really rewarding to have that sense of accomplishment, you know. That sorta satisfaction.

All in all I could say, the camp rocked. Gempak!

2008-05-25T18:10:00.002+08:00

Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high

Frank Sinatra - Summertime.

Suffice to say, he has that badboy voice that screams sexy. Sensual seduction? HAHA LMAO. I know, I sound like a bimbotic grandmother, but whatever. The original singer was actually George Gershwin, and yeah, I actually do enjoy listening to songs back to the 50s, especially late at night when it's raining :)

I love Sundays. Especially today. I'm feeling hyped, as usual :D

I'm not going to let the small things affect my mood, or whatsoever. Although I'm super broke and I'm so deprived of shopping, its okay. I'm feeling good. I made a vow with Ashley to attend Seventeen's Summer Splash next year. Haha.

You know, what? I met one of the nicest mr cabbies last Friday, unlike those who speak in alien languages that I cannot decipher and suck your money like blood.

I wanted to tell him this, though :

"If I were goddess I would have blessed you with Jessica Alba"

Just being random, by the way :)

Loves.

2008-05-23T16:11:00.003+08:00

If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me
No baby please don't go
If you leave me now, you'll take away the very heart of me

Chicago - If You Leave Me Now.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I'm feeling crabby, not because of I'm having menses or what, but its because of American Idol. I rooted for David Archuleta to win, ever since the moment he went for audition, to the preliminary rounds, to the top 24, top 12 and finally the top. I don't care what other people say about him lah, honestly, because my opinions matter most, not others :P My mom was rushing to do her errands so she could watch the finale result show, while I was in school sitting for my Physics paper. The grand finale was the bomb, of course, no doubt that David Archuleta was the winner of the night. His singings are still ringing in my mind, and heck, I'm not having hallucinations.

Imagine.. Angel.. Don't let the sun go down on me.. Paradise..

Hah.. I can hear people giving excuses. No hun, we don't need to prove our capabilities by giving excuses :D

So, yeah, all the Cookie fans were gloating and taunting me, as I expected, and some people had to rub it in and be batu api(s). Americans are dumb mah, its proven in the ultra lame are you smarter than a 5th grader game show. Besides that, manures won and all the manure fans were bombarding me with their endless mockings, as usual, especially in school. I'm pretty much used to it already, but nevertheless I'll always stay loyal to the Gunners. Get over it!

You know.. great ideas often receive violent opposition from mediocre minds. Haha :)

School's exams are over, and I'm feeling super hyped despite the fact that I'm actually quite sleep deprived for the past few weeks. Besides, the holidays are here, and I'm all geared up for it. I'll seize every opportunity I have, and grasp every moment of happiness.

I'll be partying all night long with my bffs tonight. I wonder who will be the first to get wasted. Haha. Gempak!!

2008-05-10T23:39:00.003+08:00

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble

Macy Gray - I Try.

I'm bound to screw up my History test on Tuesday, so you guys can give me a hand of applause plus a standing ovation and I'd be very much happy about it.

Right now, my heart weeps for nostalgia. Reminiscing about the good times we had made me smile and giggle like a child, but the aftermath was just unbearable. I realized that I miss it. Too much. I do still feel the twinges when I think about it. It was the best moment of my life, where it reached the climax, and where we were like hippies living like there's no tomorrow.

I guess I'm just a little unwell. Blame it on the late night blues.

It hurts me like hell when I rewatch the videos, again and again. I hate to say this, but I'm tearing it is really heartbreaking. Yes, a nutty and apathetic person like me, would break down because of this matter. The hardest part was letting go, not taking part.

Till now, I still don't know why I'm tearing. Period.

2008-04-21T19:32:00.000+08:00

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

Lifehouse - Broken.

I know that my blog is getting stinkier by the day. Perhaps one day I'll take the hassle to post some pictures here. Well, my Saturdays are taken away and I'm already depressed about it already. I promise I will post some pictures LAHH, okay? Soon :)

Anyhoos, I am nothing more like a damsel in distress. At this moment.

Everyone goes through a phase, where you let your imagination run free and in the end you have to snap back to reality.

Sucks, isn't it?

Reality and wishful thinking are like parallel lines. They never meet, nor they would intersect.

Okay, rants aside. I got carried away. Sorry about that.

I have so many vows to be fulfilled after SPM, and I am having my fingers crossed and I am also highly anticipating for it.

As in 21st of April 2008 thereof, I hereby declare that my blog shall be on hiatus. I need a break, anyway. If there's anything, do message me in MSN.

Much love!

2008-04-13T11:54:00.003+08:00

Mom wanted to head down to the Curve on this Sunday morning, but I turned her down, despite the fact that I slept at 4am yesterday. As much as I want to go shopping (and also on a eating spree) so badly, I just don't feel like it. So, yeah.

There you go, Wendee. I know this is outdated, so forgive me, will thee?

List out 5 presents you wish for
1: An iphone
2: MacBook Air
3: A better Altec Lansing sound system.
4: Shoes, and more shoes, stilettos, wedges, etc.
5: A string of A's for SPM!

The person who tagged me:
Wendee :)

First 5 impressions on her/him
1: Smart! Look at her SPM results. You'll be dumfounded.
2: A devoted Christian.
3: Poetic.
4: Has a good command of English. She writes well, really well.
5: Likes David Archuleta. While I'm madly in love with him :P

The most memorable thing he/she has done/given to you:
She never abandons my blog, no matter how stinky and boring it gets =)

If he/she becomes your lover you two will:
I'm straight. And heterosexual.

If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be because:
She stopped reading my stinky blog. Hah.

The 5 people you tag:
Frankly speaking, I'm not too fond of tagging people but I have some certain targets, and this goes to Andrea Chew, Da Rong and Esther. You should be proud. *smirks*

The 5 people I want to mess with:
1. Andrea
2. Fiona
3. Ashley
4. Ben
5. Jo Yee

Who is 3 having a relationship with?
Me. She's a lesbian and madly in love with me, I know.

Who is 5 having a relationship with?
Hahahahahahahahahaha. She would disown me if I were to say it here in public.

What about 4 and 5?
Gay question. Next one, please.

What is 3 studying?
She never studies, well, apparently.

When was the last time you chatted with 5?
Yesterday. If SMS counts.

Would you be with 1?
In terms of friends, of course, with all that weird conversations and droolings and arguments over some guys. But if in terms of love, I would run to the ends of the earth and hinder myself from her because you never know what she will do, because she's a stalker and a psychopath :D But I still love her, hah.

How about 5?
She's the only person who agrees with me when the world doesn't.

Does 2 have any siblings?
Oui, sire.

How did you get to know 2 and 4?
2: primary school, 4: secondary school

Where does 1 live?
In her own fantasy. More like living in denial.

Is 3 the sexiest person in the world?
She claims to be one, and claims to be the best candidate girlfriend for Chad Michael Murray. Ew. Gross.

I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling.

If you're gone by Matchbox 20.

Oh well.

2008-04-05T01:56:00.001+08:00

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time.

Every Little Thing - Dishwalla.

Living in someone else's shadows is something I dread of. And I've realised that I actually got myself in that state a few years ago. I used to be the quiet, timid, girl whom I once knew, when I looked into the mirror, but, all has changed.

The smell of familiarity.

It wasn't what I expected that it would turned out to be me. Of all these years, I'm glad that I've been through thick and thin, and I've learned to depend on God, and also myself in times of despair and hardships. I'm not emotional, anymore, except for things that concern about my loved ones, griefs, etc.

Of course, life has its own turmoils and conundrums. C'est La Vie, my friend. Whether rainy days, or sunshine days, I'm still glad. I'm glad that I've been there, done that, and over with it. The feeling of accomplishment. Simply overwhelming.

At night, I ponder on, I go into deep thoughts, reflecting my actions in the present, and also the past. As I lay my head on the pillow, memories of the past keep flashing in my mind. Trivial things. There are times that I get too 'lost' into thoughts, that I find it hard to escape from it.

Insomnia. That's right.

I become too engrossed with memories, till I can't sleep.

I try to jot everything I do in my head, to get something to be written here in my blog, hopefully, and also to share my experiences and have weird conversations with my friends.

It's funny how I used to be so emotional. I cried for all my ex-boyfriends. They did not jilt me, for goodness sake! Heck, no! It was the heavyheartedness of letting go something which you are so committed to, and yet you have no other options but to call it quits because its pointless continuing a relationship where things aren't working.

When I was reflecting my past with my friend, she told me that I was practically sobbing on the phone, when I broke up with my exes.

I was stunned, for a moment. And I just burst into a ingenious chuckle.

Me? That emotional? You've got be pulling my leg, seriously!

I hardly get emo these days. I tease my friends for being emo, of course, not when they're emo or having mood swings, or else I would be a punching bag specially for sadists. That's why my friends are all dying to see me emotional. That will not happen, so talk to the hand, yo! XD

Well, I'm thankful for all that has happened to me, after all. I've finally emerged from my humble abode into something that I never expected to be.

Seems to good to be true.

There are times where my flaws and mistakes are magnified and scrutinized when I speak up for myself. If people are unhappy when I point out to the imperfections, lets say, a certain system, it simply means that they're not willing to listen to constructive criticism. Immature. And nerve-wrenching.

This is what you call boldness with feminine charm of a quintessential woman. Yes, yes, self-praise is no praise, but I'm saying this, generally, to all the woman out there who are brave enough to speak up for others, and also for the better good of the nation.

I'm happy of what I've become, at last. I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time, but then I can never change myself. If you love me, then love me for who I am, and not the pretense of portraying someone else.

I'm excited for tomorrow. What tomorrow holds for me, I may not know, but I'm pretty much excited for tomorrow's mysterious surprises.

Good, or bad.

May it be.

2008-03-29T23:18:00.000+08:00

Tell me when will you be mine
Tell me quando, quando, quando

Just a random song which is one of my all-time oldie favourites.

And right now, my current cravings, presenting, Dishwalla! Super great rock indie band! Though they're not well-known on MTV or Channel V, but in my opinion I think they should be given publicity and be known because they stand out as musicians, unlike those Taiwanese boybands who plagiarize people's songs, and sing worse than chickadees and dress so faux pas-ly.

Ew.

See, somebody got me rambling again.

And one more, my History teacher is being a hypocritical hen, and just for your information, I use the word hen as as substitute for another word, well, need not say. I bet you know that majestic word.

I absolutely hate it when she spreads lies about us. Lies upon lies. It's tough living on other people's expectations, and what more when those expectations are far within from our reach? We can never please teachers, nor we could please everyone else out there. So, our efforts are actually in vain. We know our limits, we know how far we can go, so please don't load us with more pressure because we are already pressured enough to please ourselves, and what more, others?

Apart from that, I have a friend who treats her like some kind of goddess. He's wiling to be a kuli/slave for her. Stupidity beyond stupidity, to be exact.

I admit, I am profane when I lose my temper. My raging temper. Striking blows of profanity is something which I should not be proud of, duh. After all, I'm merely human. And I'm really striving hard to keep it down.

I keep rambling, again. Hmpf.

And I practically bawled my eyes out last week. Good grief!

Nevermind. I'll be seeing Naomi and Emmanuel tomorrow by the way. It has been awhile =)

.....Arsenal in action right now! Am munching on BigApple donuts at the moment, I think I've sapu-ed half a dozen, but its a fact that I hardly put on weight. Note, hardly.

Even Smokie ate one. LOL.

Anyhoo,
Don't make me bawl my eyes out again, okay?

2008-03-26T15:02:00.001+08:00

Ye, chickadees.

I am contradicting myself, so, after all I'm not really on hiatus. Its undeniable that I have a tendency of having my words contradicting my actions at the same time. Not much of a good thing, obviously, because I keep engaging myself in sophistries.

Ack, ack, ack.

I need a kidney rectal extraction, because my back is hurting so badly till I feel like grabbing a hammer to smash my back. Probably a mallet, though. Gasps.

Painkillers, please?

And the reason that's leaving me puzzled, is, that somebody's not being punctual, you get what I mean. The monthly visits, the mood swings, the excessive bloatings and of course, the extreme agony I have to go through each month. Everyday seems to be a dread. Ho-hum.

Stereotype is a mundanity. Bah.

Not much of a kidney extraction, after all. It's more of a.. I leave it to your own imagination.

I bet it's going to be worse tomorrow. Ek. I had hell with Chemistry today, cause I am totally allergic to it. My chemistry marks can suck meatballs. Seriously. Sigh, there's more to come tomorrow, more to suffer.

And I keep yelling profanities when I glance through my papers. Stupid bloopers make me cuss, scream and yell.

Cuss, ye shall not, for a man's tongue is more poisonous that a snake's venom. Bah.

My biology teacher's sandwiching us between loads of homework and exam pressures, and I am indeed succumbing myself to pressure and stress.

Such an idyllic situation. I keep dozing off whenever I force myself to study, I either end up lying on the bed wandering away or glueing my ass in front of the computer as well as the television, watching Astro on Demand.

Bad, bad.

I need to feed my shopping pangs, too.

Study, Joanne. Be a nerd for this year, at least?

2008-03-20T11:33:00.004+08:00

On hiatus, cos I'm so bored of blogging. Period.

2008-03-09T23:41:00.001+08:00

Are we all living two lives simultaneously?

This is something which we have been asking ourselves for a long time, and till now we still cannot find a definite answer to that question. Who said it was easy? It wasn't easy, after all. One reflects our identity, which is also a part of our conscience. The other one, which speaks our heart's longings. Both lives contradict. We feel as if we are having split personalities ; the only thing that is different is that we are aware of what is going on in reality.

I've always been fickle-minded, regardless of tiny matters or big matters, ranging from what to wear to church to decisions of what I am going to pursue further after high school. As a perfectionist, I was often frustrated with myself for not being firm enough to make the right decisions on the spot. Then, paranoia starts to get a tight grip of me and negative thoughts start clouding my vision, and the fear of making the wrong decision begins to overwhelm me. Even picking a simply clothing, to match with accessories and shoes can be tedious.

Living two lives at the same is indeed wearisome, because eventually you'll get jaded somehow, and that is when you start to search for the real you, as in, not being affected with the people around you, and the influences to fit into the society. It can get pretty depressing, I've been through that before. Struggling with identity crisis was never my intention, and of course, I never saw it coming. Sometimes, you get too caught up with the world that revolves around you, people with their movements, people with their endless verbalizations, till you start to follow them subconsciously.

Where is the originality that you're born with?

That is the question that keeps ringing inside our mind. There is always a hypocritical side in us, including you and me. It's undeniable that we are afraid of dejection, so we tend to blend in the crowd just for the sake of recognition from other people. Or at times, we choose to come to a consensus of agreeing with everybody on a particular matter. We choose the latter, of not begging to differ, we choose to keep mum. The ugly truth is that we are all living in denial.After all we're always giving excuses to defend our actions, because being alone is something we all humans dread of.

How long can we conceal our real feelings/motives?

Not forever, obviously. Sooner or later you'll get tired of agreeing/disagreeing with the crowd, again and again. It becomes a routine, so ho-hum, because the entire cycle is repeating itself again. Everyone wants to speak up for themselves - to have a mind of their own,to have a special personality, to have their own two cents about anything and also to have their own point of views. Everybody is entitled to their own opinions, its just that some are facts and some are craps.

The trick is to be combative, and be logical to come up with constructive comments ; not stupid ones. Coming up with stupid comments will only put you into embarrassment, and you will be labelled as a total dumb ass who needs a brain extraction. Sarcasm is optional, but bear in mind that it is not the only arrow in the quiver. Of course, sarcasm is usually a sting to the receiving end, but remember that one sarcastic remark can end in great conversations and also start disputes. We shouldn't engage ourselves in sophistry for the sake of keeping others in line with our thinking, and also, we shouldn't be so gullible and credulous when it comes to believing who's right and who isn't.

Stand up for what is right and muster every ounce of confidence. When you're brave enough to speak up when everyone doesn't, it makes perfect sense that you are special, and you are worthy to be respected and also to be looked up to.

Because after all, you're the only one shining in the limelight, when other's don't :)

2008-03-07T22:45:00.000+08:00

Oh, oh, when will thee free me from thy misery? Few more weeks, and I shall be grounded. Distanced, away, from the outside world. Inside my crib, inside my shell, where I seclude and devote myself to SPM.

(I might as well isolate myself from the world and be solitary in the hermit)

I shall savour every sweet moment of my final year in school. Yes, a tad heavy-hearted, but life has to go on.

9 months more, and voila. I will go through a metamorphosis. There is something, that I want to unleash within me. Something that speaks my heart's deepest desires, metaphorically.

And at this moment, I shall be grounded.

By the way, err, this is solely written for sheer randomness. I go ga-ga over David Archuleta (it rhymes!), he makes me swoon, and he gives me rainbow raindrops, but I am so disheartened cos he's a mormon.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

But I'm not angry, not even a tad. Well, just that it is quite disheartening.

But good music, food, euphoria, energy, glamour, friends.

Would make up for that.

Ruums, KL.

Vanity has a price to pay. Yes, yes.

Laundry, The Curve. The lights are just so vibrant and lively.

Maison, KL.

Andrea, when? But I'm broke.

Shucks.

2008-02-23T21:07:00.002+08:00

I've always had the penchant of dissing people, especially, some annoying teachers who get paid for nothing. Basically, there's nothing wrong with being sarcastic, really, and yet some over-sensitive people take things to heart and make a big hoo-ha over it. So, I've rebelled against quite a number of teachers and also prefects, to be frank with you. I honestly don't care if they were to send me to the disciplinary teacher, or give me 50 demerits, because I really don't care. Today is the day where I stopped caring. About obeying the stupid rules, because I literally think that devoting this particular 17th year of my princessy life to this prison-like school is far off worser than being a vegetarian for the rest of your entire life. Pun intended, yo!

But yeah, I am going to great lengths to stop involving myself in heated arguments, disputes and also verbal attacks against prefects and teachers, but nevertheless, it is really difficult and tedious, at times. It can get really ugly (I ain't any amazon. Haha) when I start losing my temper and then I start unleashing the natural sarcasm I have within me, accompanied with a tad of profanity (not anymore), towards teachers and some prefects who devote their virginity (metaphorically) to the prefectorial board. Look, your time in high school is very limited. Why are you being so stupid to allow yourself to be tied down by bondage to rules and restrictions when you can actually enjoy and savour every sweet moment of high school? You're just being dumb to serve the school. Get a life lah. Not like its going to give you cash or earn you a living when you go out to work.

Yeah, yeah. Apparently it helps to bring out the best in you by training your leadership skills. I say bullcrap lah, because most prefects are oh-so-busy with their prefectorial work that they have no time to finish their homework. Will this make you a good leader? Its obvious, NO. Unless you are Hiro Nakamura or something, that you can freeze time and finish all your assignments on time.

Power frenzy, too. Look at those poor thing(s) who are shouting at us and herding us like animals for the sake of putting up a show in front of their seniors. First and foremost, you do not even need to do this in the first place because, if you are really really capable and you are the born-type leader, I am sure that others can see it as well. Being power frenzy is not going to guarantee your future la. In my opinion, it is only putting your future to jeopardy, because you are so deprived of power and status, that no one will ever dare to socialize with you as if you are kurap or something.

And also one more thing, politeness matters a lot. Come on la, when I am a tad sarcastic to you budak sial, you make a big fuss about it. I am being polite, and sarcastic. So, what's wrong? I am not being crude or rude, anyway. And apparently, that is considered melawan pengawas. I say, my foot. Go read your senarai nilai, and look up to nilai hemah tinggi.

After much deliberation, I finally had the guts to rant everything out, and if you are offended, I am sorry for not being sorry for what I have said above. Again, pun intended! Of course, I can't say that all the prefects are like that, maybe a handful of them. If you think you're not, then you're not. If you think you are, then you are, but, if you think you're not but you're slightly offended, it still means you are, because, siapa yang makan cili, dia yang terasa pedas (he who eats the chilli will taste its spicyness). If you would like to beg to differ with me, do confront me. Don't be a sissy who moans in pain silently and talks nothing but pure crap behind my back. Confront me and talk something constructive, I promise I won't bite. I am polite, but I cannot guarantee a sarcasm-free and a CAPS free conversation, because that is just my idiosyncrasy. Haha xD

Well, all in all, I don't see a need for my disciplinary teacher to promote the prefectorial board, and also to emphasize about it. Because he knows that our school will go topsy-turvy without the existence of the school prefects. Then, it would be mayhem.

Fun, isn't it? Haha.

2008-02-01T12:27:00.000+08:00

I could see everything being taken away from me. Silenced. Period.

2008-01-31T19:11:00.000+08:00

Stabbed by pangs of nostalgia.

Rainbows are nostalgic. And so are personal diaries and songs. They reflect on my past, my childhood, my bittersweet life, intricate feelings, relationships, and the list goes on. I can't deny the fact that I miss it. And because of that, I'm just.. not ready for the future. Not really ready yet. I keep harping on my past, subconsciously. I'm walking forward, but my head's tilted to the side, looking back at my footsteps.

Its time to venture into the month of February, but I still feel like living in the year 2007 would be better off living in 2008. Its time to bid January goodbye but guess I'm just not prepared for 2008.

Pretense, or just paranoia?

I'm trying my very best to take a step forward. To move on. But I keep hesitating. I can hardly feel my feet on the surface of the ground whenever I try to lift my feet up.

Fear or merely ambiguity?

I keep hesitating. Whether to take a step forward or just stay stationary. But I'm willing to move out from my comfort zone. I'm willing to take up the responsibility and face everything once and for all. But then, its difficult being in predicaments like these.

Being pessimistic or realistic?

I doubt myself. All of a sudden I realise that I'm just so tired.. of being, me. (Super cliche. LOL)

I'm standing on the intersection point of reality and reverie. No pun intended.

A tad confused, though.

But I'm still keeping the Faith. And still believing (:

Isaiah 26:3-4

He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him, whose thoughts turn often to the Lord! Trust in the Lord always, for in the Lord, Jehovah, is your everlasting strength.

Amen.

2008-01-19T19:21:00.000+08:00

There will be a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

But I've not seen mine yet.

Things are still the same, unchanging. I no longer have the strength to carry on. Countless times I've tried consoling and comforting myself, but I am just barely hanging on. Feeling dejected, I do not know whether to continue or to just call it a day, and start everything anew. Hope is what I'm trying to keep alive at the moment, and the reason why I'm still believing and clinging to hope is because of Him, sustaining me all these while, through thick and thin.

Faith is the primary reason I'm trying to keep the fire burning. I don't want it to die down. I'm still waiting, wishing and hoping that things will change. Waiting can be really burdensome at times. I can't help but feeling weary for everything that had happened in my life. I doubt the future. It terrifies me so much.

Or so, maybe I should tell myself, that I'm just jaded. That's all. I don't need a reality check, either.

It's hurting me. The pain becomes too agonizing till I feel nothing but just numbness.

He's being used, and I'm feeling the pain. He's changing to someone whom I do not know at all. I feel as if I'm pushed aside, tossed and turned, neglected and thrown aside. I know his intentions. The reason he's trying to endure this is because of us, but should we just put a stop to all this, and just start everything, from the beginning again? I hate his stupidity, but I'm trying to understand his predicament. Perhaps he's still cleaving to hope. I don't blame him. But it becomes so difficult when I keep clinging on to hope and at the same time I am on the verge of giving up.

Right now, I pray that God will grant me the courage and strength to move on, despite of the unforeseen circumstances. You are my only confidant. Help me to face the calamities and conundrums of life. Make the pain bearable and give me peace in my heart. Keep me, believing, for Your plans never fail. I've held on for 3 years, and I'm still believing.

Rain or shine, I would still continue to look for that pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

When, how, I pretty much have no idea, but one thing I'm sure is that,

I'll be waiting.

2008-01-15T18:46:00.000+08:00

Tagged by my dearest Fii :)

1) Do this tag and answer all the questions in your own blog.
2) Delete question 20 and add one of your own questions instead.
3) Tag 8 other people.

Questions.

1) What was your dream when you were a kid?
Erm. I wanted to be a chemist/fashion designer/veterinarian /songwriter/gynecologist, etc.

2) What was the happiest moment in your whole life?
When I'm fully healed from the wounds of the past, and how God touched me and brought me closer to His side.

3) What do you wish to have right now?
The semangat to celebrate Chinese New Year.

4) When was the last time you horse laughed?
All the time? Haha. :P

5) What did you realize recently?
Constant scrutinization is something which I have to face, from time to time. Be mentally prepared about endless criticism and BRING IT ON! xD

6) Which bad habit in you is the most unacceptable?
I procrastinate too much. And I always do things half-heartedly. IBangang betul lar!

7) When you are unhappy, what will you do?
Pour it all out to God, scribble my blog, or have a heart-to-heart talk with my heng dai chi muiz. :)

8) What are you afraid of losing?
Things that I have gam cheng (feelings) for.

9) Within 5 years, which target is the most realistic?
I'll probably be pursuing a Ph.D in Harvard University. Or perhaps I'll be a successful _____ (I'm still thinking what to pursue after SPM), that everyone would look up to. >_*

10) When you meet someone you like, will you hide or profess your feelings?
I used to believe 'If you don't ask, you don't get'. Right now, I still do live by that, but I've learned to go with the flow, and just bantai in whatever I do. xD

11) List out 3 kinds of people you cannot stand.
- Rude infidels
- Stupid people who live in denial
- Lala/Jinjang people who do not know how to dress properly. Such a faux pas, really! But they choose to think otherwise.

12) Define loneliness.
Emptiness, and knowing that you have no one to rely on, and yet, you wish for something which is not within your reach.

13) Are you satisfied with your life now?
Okok ler =,=

14) When was the most recent time you felt touched?
Few days ago.

15) Where is the most beautiful place that you have visited?
Err, shopping paradise/heaven? :P

16) A song that has been playing in your mind recently.
Leone Lewis - Bleeding Love.

17) If you could have a wish come true, what would it be?
To have endless wishes that will come true :D

18) Do you have anything to be worried or scared about lately?
How on earth I am going to survive in nooraihan's class! Mr Azmi has warned me beforehand, not to erm, slack and yak too much. LMAO! At the moment my left arm's freaking me out too. D:

19) If the world is going to end, what will you do?
Try to tell as many people as possible about the gospel. I might be labelled as a nincompoop, but, nevermind.

20) If you woke up naked (ggfied. LOL), and you realize that you're not you - you found out that you're a different gender, what would you do?
Look into the mirror and see how hot I am. And hook up with some erhem, hotties. :P

I shall tag.. Eileen, Andrea, Ivan, Esther... anyone!

Brb. Serious stuffs, later.

2008-01-10T21:27:00.000+08:00

I'm depressed, right now, and barely hanging on. Where my heart still is, I admit I'm not too sure. Downright depressing. I don't know how to pour everything out. The tears aren't coming out. And I hate the tears. I hate it when tears brim my eyes when I'm sad. It burns. Why is that I'm so paranoid of the future?

It's because there will lasts, and I'm afraid of firsts.

I think I've had the slightest taste of a downfall.

My dreams, whatever, only exist as mirages. They die, in reality.

Seems like joy is only evanescent. Why won't it linger a little more longer?

God. Help. Me. You're my only refuge.

2008-01-09T21:34:00.000+08:00

So.. I got tagged. By my sai lou, Ivan xD

(1) List out the top 5 presents you wish for: -

- an iPhone. I opted for this but.. sigh. Oh well.

- 10A1s for SPM! Haha :)

- an ATM machine that will never ever run out of cash. In my house. xD

- a VAIO laptop.

- A new mansion. Har :P

(2) The person who tagged you this: Ivan Tan Jia Wei! :P

(3) Your 5 impressions of him :

- Taller than me. swt~

- Berbadan sasa? LMAO! He's so skinny lah :o

- A very devoted and Faithful Christian :)

- A manu fan. boooooooo~ xD

- Cool person to be with =)

(4) Most memorable things he has given/done for you:- Hmm. I guess he does actually listen to my incessant ramblings. Haaaaa. :D

(5) If he becomes your lover, I will : OMG. INCEST LA DEI! D:

(6) If he becomes your enemy, the reason will be : Its because I'm a guy and I'm way hotter than him >_*

~ Pass the quiz to 5 people that you wish to know how they feel about you ~

- Eileen

- Fiona

- Andrea

- Wendee (She's in Jeremiah School now! >.<)

- Meredith (haha)

And by the way, school had just started, barely a week, and its draining me out. Not a good sign :(

Gunners vs Spurs. Again.

Peanuts laaa :D

......Berbatov?

Nah.

2007-12-31T00:38:00.000+08:00

Who rocked at Goodison Park yesterday?

Arsenal did. DUH. 4-1, sire.

Who sucked at Upton Park?
manchester united (no capital letters for them, yeah. LOL =P)

Who was the sucker of the match yesterday?
Cristiano Ronaldo. He was too confident over the penalty shoot, and he kicked the ball totally senget. It didn't even hit the tiang (pole). Laugh my ass off :D

It was a good thing that Arsenal gave MU short-term joy at least. It was a motivation for the fellow Gunners to do better, and also to excel and outshine like a connoisseur in the field.

Talking about today,

It was different. Not like the usual Sundays. During P&W session, I sang, played, and worshipped with so much of zeal and passion. Today was an exception though, cause I've never felt so much of ardour, burning within me. It was just.. an undescribable feeling. Beyond words. Although I made a few blunders, nothing's going to stop me from praising Him. My heart was lifted, and I could feel the bliss and everlasting Joy, lingering.

It felt.. so good.

I know that He is working in me. And I would love to experience it not just another one more time, but in the future as well, in years to come :)

Thank you, Jesus, for Your wondrous love to me. Thank you for all You've done.

I don't know what 2008 has to offer for me. I do not know what will the future hold and embrace for me.

But, once again, I've placed all my burden and worries onto the Cross, and I humbly surrender everything into Your hands, because, I truly believe that You will lead me to the right path.

Thank you, again, for walking, and guiding, beside me all these while when I go through every chapter of my life =)

You are indeed my super strong God! :D

2007-12-27T23:27:00.000+08:00

The youths are all going for go-carting tomorrow in Sunway, and I can't.

Cos I've got tuition to attend. Scratch that.

And I have one whole load of Integration questions to do. Screw it.

On being random,

I have lots of idiosyncrasies, and I'm proud of it. I also suffer from narcissism and self superiority complex. Confidence matters a lot to me, and whenever I receive criticism (sometimes I'm being touchy, I admit), it bruises my ego. And I feel terribly bitter. Or even when I fail to meet my own expectations. So, there goes my confidence, crashing down on myself. It sucks because I'm lacking of self-esteem, and I would think more like a pessimist instead. Well, I think its merely being realistic lah.

Music feeds my soul when I'm feeling all worn out and broken inside. I like figuring out chords and melody, though it can be really tedious at times. But I enjoy it, though :) Bass guitars are just hot. Meddling with it is just.. super cool!

And also by the way, I have a penchant for lame shows like Arrested Development (dysfunctional family), The Office (Office politics) and My Name Is Earl. Those can tickle my funny bone, really! Too bad FOX picked Prison Break over Arrested Development. They didn't even wrap up the season, and it was left hanging. Sigh. As much as I enjoyed Arrested Development, I also loved Prison Break. So, either decision is still the same, heartbreaking :(

I think shopping paper bags are attractive. I like collecting them on a regular basis. I think its just too pretty! :D

About new year resolutions. To be honest, I never keep track of them. But next year, I vow to grow - spiritually and also physically? I feel like as if I'm vertically challenged. And I hope to keep my profanity level as low as possible. Also, I hope that I won't be bothered too much by the Adams because of SPM. You know what I mean :) I don't think I should just go into the details of it. Heh.

Getting back to mundane stuffs,

For the past few days I've been subsequently feeling very fann (grouchy), and the fact that Arsenal performed poorly in Fratton Park yesterday, it made things worse. What's with the draw, guys? What the heck were you doing, Adebayor?!?! You weren't playing 4-5-1. It was more like 4-5-0. Damn it!

Apparently Harry Rednapp brought on all of the ex Arsenal old boys (Lauren, Sol, etc) as if to rub Arsene Wenger's nose in it. William Gallas will not be fit for the next game as he had his left foot heavily trodden on. Both incidents merited fouls, but the referee just waved play on. Robin Van Persie will not be fit for the next Everton game though. And of course, Willie too D:

Oh man, I'm depressed at the moment.

Someone get me out of despondency.

PS: Congratulations to all the Straight A's PMR punya people~! :D

2007-12-26T16:36:00.000+08:00

Jesus brings warmth, like a winter fire, a light, like a candle's glow.

Praise and Worship session.

The song 'Christmas isn't Christmas' is played very often, but, it always touch me in a distinct way where I can't describe in words. The lyrics, so articulate, and yet, so beautiful. Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart. True, enough. Somewhere, deep inside you, is where Christmas really starts.

So, I gave my heart to Him, once again, on this special Christmas. I was moved and touched. I cast all my worries and anxiety on Him, because I know that I am in good hands. To trust Him wholeheartedly or doubt Him? We would often choose the latter. But right now, I've decided to lay all my worries aside, and to have Faith in Him fully, and also to celebrate this special occasion with a smile :) - and not a frown.

Like what Aunt Moira said, look behind, thank God, look forward, trust God, look around, serve God.

Candlelights.

Christmas - A celebration of Hope and Love. Amazing, and just too marvellous for words.

Though I feel weary and drained out inside, I know that He will guide me through hardship.

I know, He will, because His promises never fail. :)

2007-12-24T19:47:00.000+08:00

Just a random thought : Everton. Why can't you just do a small favour for us? Geez.

Well, anyway, 3 days of shopping went off just like that. I was feeling the blues for the past few days. Oh well, shopping did give me joy, but it was only here-today-and-gone-tomorrow. I should be feeling happy during this yuletide season, but I just don't feel like it lah. Dad will be back tomorrow, and it has been ages since I last spoken to him face to face. I have just so much to tell him. And of course, I miss his presence. I guess all the smses were the main cause of my shortage of credit. Last week, there's still 50 bucks. Now, it has dropped tremendously - 5 bucks left. Screw it! I desperately need someone to derma credit to me. BAHHH.

So, urhm, okay, back to topic.

I went to 1Utama with the pompuan gilers on the first day. I wanted that satin dress (the one I'm wearing) so badly from Forever 21 but apparently, it was the last one and the quality was sorta cacat. So, of course, I didn't get it. Walked around, and still couldn't get anything. Ah. The frustration of doing something, and yet knowing that your efforts are just futile. I was so green of envy of Rosabel. She bought so many things and I was like 'Pfffft!' I only bought some skin products from Skinfood. So gotta love their organic products ;) And Andrea, the fickle minded girl, as usual, was being a grandmother - as thirfty was ever. Goodness, Andrea dear, money is just paper when you don't use them. Haha =P

On the second day, I went to Pavillion KL with my mom. We had only 3 hours to shop, and obviously, it wasn't enough. And you know what?

It is super irritating when you are being fickle minded, not being able to make up your mind during shopping, and knowing that you are rushing for time (or a curfew).

You either end up feeling pangs of regret or feeling cranky.

So, I quickly stepped into MNG (50% sales! Such a pleasant sight to the eye. Hehe :D ) and bought a few tops. It was like mayhem, because there were so many people inside, and yet, the fitting rooms weren't enough. Worse of all, the air conditioner broke down. Sucks big time!

Headed to Roxy and I wanted to buy the flip flops and bags so badly. But mom said no, so.... sigh.

Went to NOSE to get a pair of flats specially for shopping, and then quickly rushed into Forever 21. Bought two spaghetti tops (Orange and purple) and also some accessories. I got a free RM25 voucher too :) Forever 21 in Pavillion is kazillion times better than 1Utama's. I wanted to get J & Co donuts, but we didn't have time! ARGHHHH. Anyway I would love to go Pavillion to shop again! But at the moment, financial crisis lar. Dang! :(

On the third day, which is today, I went to Mid Valley with pompuan gilers and Ben. Ben was the only guy in our group, and I pitied him because he had to follow us everywhere. And guess what, I saw Deborah Henry (Miss Malaysia) in Zara. She was really sweet and prettier in real person. I smiled at her and she smiled back :)

So.. what did I get?

Bangles, bangles and more bangles! I'm so nuts over the big chunky colourful and glittery bangles. And also headbands! :D Yes, I am an accessory junkie. I love buying them, but I usually end up losing them. It's because of my absent-mindedness. I hate the fact that I'm not a neat freak. Mom has been complaining that my clothes are piling like mountains and my wardrobe is gonna explode. And also my accessories! She says that I don't appreciate them, cos I tend to dump it everywhere. It's true, uhrm, well, partially. xD

Goodness. Wrapping presents can be really burdensome. :(

Anyway Merry Christmas to everyone! (you, my blog readers [if there's any. LOL] and practically just everybody)

2007-12-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

Look, I told ya! Arsenal totally rocked the Emirates Stadium last night. We beat the Chelsea scums (No offence!) And, it was seriously nerve-racking to watch the whole match. To be frank with you, the whole process was grueling. Every second was so nerve-racking. Every move was scrutinized by that stupid referee who happens to be a blind sucktard.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I FEEL LIKE CUSSING NOW.

But anyway,

(My two cents about the match)

The Gunners did a superb job. And I am so proud of them :) Especially Gael Clichy who was the man-of-the-match, William Gallas who header-ed the goal (Spectacular one Willie! It was a magical sight to behold, really!) and Manuel Almunia! Almunia saved from a powerful half volley from Shevchenko. Bacary Sagna dealt with the wingers perfectly. Overall, their performance was super CUN.

Mathieu Flamini was back in action, and he shackled Lampard all day and gave him no room to play.

Alex Hleb played mediocrely, as expected, as he was still injured but nonetheless he played quite well. I'm still happy, though :D

And it was very overwhelming and exciting to see the Arsenal players counter-attacking the Blues when they possessed the ball.
Well, there were also a few things that irked me and got me fuming.

First, the referee was a total sucktard. Why can't he see what I see?! Countless times the Blues (eg. Mikel) dived into tackles, which was more like assault in my opinion, and he doesn't even bother about it. And yet why Arsenal players were called up for fouls that did not come close to anything the Chelsea players carried out?

It's frustrating, really.

Offside goals are so potong steam. Adebayor's goal wasn't offside, but according to the referee, it was. Heck, temporal joy. Sucks big time.

And about Ashley Cole. He's a total drama queen sissy. I still remembered what he did to Arsenal, and how he criticized Arsenal and accussed them of forcing him to be the "scapegoat" in his so-caled autobiography. Lies! No wonder he was constantly boo-ed by the spectators. Haha. Now that's cool.

The worse thing is, he didn't even have showmanship. Apparently he didn't want to shake hands with the other players. I heard he slapped Cesc Fabregas during the last minute. That proves that he's one uncivilized assgoblin. Nuff said.

Oh well, who needs Ashley Cole when we've got Clichy ;)

To sum up, the Gunners did a fantastic job. I am just so proud to be a Gooner :D

And I can finally go to bed, smiling. :)

PS: Carlos Tevez was just lucky enough to score a goal against Liverpool. Somehow I rooted for Liverpool to win, but it happened otherwise. Ah. Boo.

2007-12-15T19:55:00.000+08:00

Sunday's going to be really exciting, because :

Arsenal vs Chelsea
Manchester United vs Liverpool

I might have a risk of heart attack though. No pun intended. Whenever I watch football, my heart starts thumping real fast, and adrenaline starts gushing up to my head. It can be a really tense atmosphere. Gancheung moment. I'm afraid of defeat, and I get pretty crummy at times.

Or so, I could even utter a word of profanity when I'm dissatisfied. Haha.

Like how it happened last week. Middlesbrough were just lucky enough to pull it off because lady luck was on their side. It was so unfortunate that cream-of-the-top players like Robin Van Persie, Mathieu Flamini, Alexander Hleb were all injured. Yes, very distressing in fact.

Argh, the disappointment, again.

But I have faith in the Gunners this time. We have to beat Chelsea this time or our position would be in great jeopardy, and no, I do not want the Red Devils to be ahead of us. We need to win because we are just one point clear of Manchester United. That's why we need to win. It's not about draw or anything else.

And obviously I do not want be mocked =| No joke.

I'd really hope that Francesc Fabregas would be fit enough to play.

Plus Alexander Hleb too. I miss him also lah. This is very random, I know :D

Okay, I shan't cuss at ManUre or Chelsea. Haha.

2007-12-13T14:55:00.000+08:00

So here I am, once again. Haha :)

I have been progressively feeling more like a lazy slug these days, as usual. Lazing around. Eating non stop. Watching dramas 24/7. Sleeping. Shopping. I love this kind of life, man. It's just too good. But heck, its only temporal D:

I woke up pretty early (for me la, Hah!) today, around 10am when my mom yelled at me and I started grumbling. Still groggy as I had barely 5 hours of sleep only. Haha :D Typical, me. Was suppose to go to Connie's place to get the measurements done. So, my blouses and dresses will only be available next month, so, I guess it'll be for Chinese New Year then. CNY's gonna be super meriah, and I definitely love it. Love the colours, love the fireworks, love the CNY songs albeit it sounds like some kinda ah peks and ah sams singing. Love the food. Love the ambience of it. Love to pai lin mainly to collect angpows (haha). I sound so money-minded :/

And of course, I love baking cookies too. I think I inherited my mother's genes. She loves baking and cooking. My sifu, man. Haha. Kudos to her! The aroma of butter, tempting. The colourful icing. Sweet.

Talking about cakes kan, mom had all the raisins and small little fruits soaked in rum already (for the traditional fruit cake to be made for Christmas!). Smells so good, but no, I loathe raisins. Although I have a sweet tooth but uber sweet stuffs like raisins and pineapples are a total no-no to me. I'm weird, I know :) Celery, parsley and ginger are also a BIG turnoff for me. The smell and taste makes me want to regurgitate all the churned food inside my stomach. Not a very nice sight, aye :S

On my way to Connie's place, there was something that caught my eye. It was love at first sight, really. Well, metaphorically la.

This blog is turning into a material blog. Geez. It means I'm becoming more materialistic :x

So..

I got myself a plain sleeveless emerald coloured tee and a purple satin spaghetti strap. Am planning to get the black one too, providing that my mom sponsors me or something :P

These are my white peep-toe wedges, which I've bought last week. I'm totally infatuated with it :D

Yes. A brown watch. I think watches are totally irresistible. But in my opinion, everything that I like is basically irresistible to me lah :P

So that's about it, I suppose. And I'm still not over with height issues. I'm obsessed with my height, which obviously isn't a good thing.

I still wanna grow taller. I wanna reach 170cm. (its out of reach la though) But nevermind lah.

2007-12-13T01:51:00.000+08:00

So, okay, my blog isn't really dead. So I'll probably revive it then. I don't want to abandon it lar. I still want to reminiscence the memories :D

As you have noticed, I've changed the layout of my blog! More vibrant and colourful I reckon. The previous layout was kinda ho-hum and dull a bit nia. So, I decided to go under a metamorphosis. Colours! Weeeee~~ A wide diversity of colours are just so pleasing to the eye. Hee hee :P

I finally got my french manicure done, and that manicurist ter-pull my skin when she was cleaning the cuticles of my fingernail. It was bleeding. And then, when she applied the nail polish onto my nails, the nail polish seeped through my pathetic wound.

Oh gosh. Pedih giler man D:

Anyway I've had a slight tummy ache for the past few days. The pain comes and go. And then when you erm, fart, the pain subsides. Felt so... [you fill in the blank]. But I felt much better after .. (you know what I mean ;D). My remedy? Minyak cap kapak and minyak cap perahu layar loh. Works magic man, like seriously.

And the disappointment :( I opted for the Apple Iphone ( it can be unlocked) so my dad told his friend to get it from Dubai since it was duty-free. But Apple had some kind of contract with some sorta mobile phone networking company, so the Iphone will only be available in Asia in the year 2009. So.. tulan. By that time it'll be obsolete already la. But then, Iphones are already available here in Lowyat, costing approximately RM2.7K. Goshd, these money-sucking thieves. They untung 1.7K, that's like, a whooping 170% profit. You do the math!

I felt so potong steam when my dad's friend bought the wrong phone. He bought n70 instead.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ignore that =.=

So, okay. I made a deal with my brother and my dad. I am currently using my dad's n80, and my brother's using n70, and my dad is using my brother's lousy punya phone at the moment. And the greatest thing of it is.. my dad doesn't mind. At first, I felt a bit conceited though. But in the end he told me that he was fine with it cause I practically forced my brother to return the n70 to him :) N80 is working really well, although its a hand-me-down from my dad (haha), at least it doesn't give me the 'Insert Sim Card' problem like my previous capalang phone.

I am happy, although I felt a tad disappointed in the beginning. Yeah. I am grateful that I am blessed and privileged. All thanks to Him above ;)

And next week, I'll be going shopping with my pompuans! Unfortunately Ashley could not make it because apparently her mom has been nagging ceaselessly. You are so potong steam lar wei. Geez.

Hahahahahaahaha. And the best thing is, I'm all geared up for Christmas. Yay. Love the fairytale-ish decorations and ornaments. I am feeling so warm inside :D

Ah. Dang those mosquitos. Irritating nya. Blame on my insomnia. Haha.

FIONA. ANDREA . ROSABEL. ASHLEY.

ILY :DDDDDD

I miss these pompuans like giler! They've gone MIA. :(

2007-12-03T15:47:00.000+08:00

To sum up, life has been pretty good. I'm happy as a lark :D There are millions of reasons for me to smile. But I'll lay low at the moment, brushing my private life aside. Haha. Or if you're really curious, you can ask me on MSN or something but most of the time I'll be MIA, so don't get offended if I don't reply you :) It depends on my mood also lah actually. Hehe.

YLDP starts this Wednesday, and I'm not going. How sad is that! I was looking forward to it - I could meet back my Youthquake friends from every part of Malaysia, only to know that dateline has already passed when my friend told me. Aaaaaahhh. So potong steam you know.

*Smacks head*

I should be reprimanded for my stupidity.

And frankly speaking, I think I've lost the enthusiasm to blog. I used to be an avid blogger, and now, the zeal to blog has died down already. It's getting.. boring. I have practically nothing to blog, and I would consider it very frustrating to crack my head all the time. It can be nerve wrecking, really! But I still hope that my blog will not be covered by mosses.

But oui, sire. I'll try my best to blog once in a while.

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye earthlings :)

2007-11-27T19:09:00.000+08:00

I need a sugar daddy.

Yes, a sugar daddy to pay off my shopping spree since Christmas is merely around the corner. With SALES everywhere, I find it sooooo difficult to actually sit down and pretend as if nothing happened despite my current financial predicament. I would be really restless, you'd know. Fidgetting, and moaning at the same time. Such a dire situation to be in. I seriously need to go to the pawn shop and sell whatever belongings I have. I am deprived of ca$h. I admit that. Hahaha. With such sweet and yet deadly temptations around, resistance is futile. Day by day I am increasingly feeling like a lazy slug who does nothing but rot.

I'm not a spendthrift, or nor do I flung my money here and there, and I don't spend money like water. But then, I spent kazillions a few weeks ago when I was shopping with Rosabel. ~~Forever 21 has goddess clothes, man. So gotta love the spaghetti strap blouses there.~~ Goodness, gracious me. I don't even understand my actions. My actions are more like a cul de sac, actually. Looks like my mind isn't working well with my heart. Contradiction. Stereotype. I have an overload wardrobe. Frankly, you'd be very much surprised at the sight of my humble abode. With accessories laying here and there, necklaces getting tangled, it is such an eye sore. My wardrobe can no longer fit any more clothes, and I am resorted to stacking up all my new clothes on my chairs and bed.

Typical me.

Christmas is coming soon. Spring cleaning. Well, not exactly. I do spring cleaning on Chinese New Year and Christmas. And household chores are not that difficult after all. Peanuts. But getting my ass to do it is undeniably difficult. Haha. When Christmas is coming, it also marks that November is also coming to an end.

Ah. The sting of nostalgia.

Reminiscing the distinct taste of sweetness, was such a joy to me. Spending quality time with my fellow close-knit jakuns. Those were the times where I had fun as if there was no tomorrow. Literally. I went to Melaka with my jakuns last week. But sadly, I fell sick on the second day. But nonetheless, I had fun. Go-karting, watching movies together, cooking, playing 21. Those are the must-cherish moments. I love my pompuan giler(s) heaps. [Andrea, Jo Yee, Rosabel, Erna, Ashley, Shan] We argue and bicker almost about everything ranging from, err, X-rated stuff to.. you fill the blank. Haha xD

Hah. About school. The mundanity of waking up at 6am for school. Dodging my Maths teacher, making fun of my Biology teacher's verbal skills, ponteng-ing, smuggling food into our classrooms, copying from the child prodigy in lightning speed to hand in our homework/projects, sleeping during Sejarah, running to the canteen as fast as possible to get a bowl of Tom Yam, et cetera. That was about my 2007 school life. I love glancing back at my past, somehow. Such an irony but I sorta miss my school life.

Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

Enjoy the present :) I live by that!

Yesterday was.. a long one. I was practically wheezing the whole day, and I think I could even make a melody out of it. My chest felt so heavy, and I could hardly breathe. I felt like phlegm was stuck at the walls of my trachea. And my nose was filled with too much of mucus till it overflowed. And I desperately needed someone to suck out all the excess slimey phlegm from my lungs. And at night, I had insomnia. Whenever I lay down on the bed, I felt extra pounds on my chest. Had to depend on Vicks and hot water all the time. Aish. I couldn't sleep at all.

But praise God. I'm well today. Currently recovering at the moment =)

And thankfully, I'm not so broke right now. Hee hee ;)

PS: My mom promised me to get me a dress from The Gardens for Christmas.

There is sweetness in bitterness, after all.

Anyway, I've found him. My newfound sugar daddy is non other than my........ dearest Papa :D

2007-11-12T14:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wished I had the guts to just utter a word or two to you. We've been close friends before, and yet, why do I feel so awkward with your presence? I don't know. I have so many things to say, and yet, pride is holding me back, not allowing me to even speak up. I missed the good times, like, seriously. It's not the past that hurts, you know. It's the pain of reminiscing the sweet memories. You helped me to cope with infidelity when I was left in despondency. We used to talk till the wee hours of morning, and now, we do not even acknowledge each other's existence. So, who is to blame? No one, actually. Neither do I want to play the blame game or keep harping on the subject.

After all, we're just.. strangers.

2007-11-05T22:38:00.000+08:00

Take a short look at the video. It has a great significance in it. I was moved, really.

Very often we find ourselves in situations like these. Sometimes we're too caught up with the worldly ways - love, money, depression, materialism and the list goes on. This has clouded our vision, and therefore, its difficult to hear and see Him in times of despair. During times of hardship, our faith grows weary, and when we want to reach out to Him, He seems.. so far. Just too far. His hand seems like out of reach. But nevertheless, He still loves us despite of who we are. He doesn't look up on our shortcomings. He cares, for you and me, and He is just... there, protecting you from danger.

>Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

He is there.

2007-10-24T18:56:00.000+08:00

I'm dying inside - literally, and I don't feel like going into details of it. I've abandoned my fic mainly because the enthusiasm and zeal for writing has fizzled and evaporated already. My exam marks went crashing downhill, and I failed to meet my expectations for certain subjects (?) What do you expect from someone sat the exams ad lib? Geez. Everything went wrong this week. BAHH. A total suckfest. I don't know la, whether I am being too touchy or what. But all these will end, I believe. I guess I just need some time to sit down and reflect on my actions because I don't seem to understand my very own actions. It's kind of difficult.. to decipher. So, yeah.

I really gotta pull up my socks. And buck up on everything because the battle will begin next year, metaphorically. I don't wanna burn the midnight oil, cramming all the dy/dx, s=ut+1/2at^2, BaCl2 + Na2S04 -> BaSO4 + 2NaCl, C6H12O6-> 2C3H6O3 + 150kJ, et cetera inside my brain, last minute, painstakingly. I can't expect immediate results, kan? So I've got to hold my horses and stop procrastinating.

I really hope that this will be my last time saying this. For the umpteenth time, I've been making endless vows to score better for my exams. Chih.

But, right now, I shall glue myself to the computer, TV and novels, for the time being. Carpe diem. Seize the day. Enjoy the present. This minute, and this particular second. Been watching dramas (especially Japanese shows, recently. I used to have a penchant for korean dramas, but.. haha. I still do, anyway.) like crazy, slacking, reading, and figuring the melody for Only Human.

~~And me and my friends couldn't stop fangirling and drool over Mr. Sheiky. Yes, we have raging hormones. Ahahaha. Like who doesn't?~~

Oh yes, I do enjoy slacking all day long. But I think I'm going to be an otaku.

OMGWOEHLOL. Touch wood.

~~I can't help myself saying this but Kimura Ryo is a man with raging testerones. Totally different from the way he portrayed as Senri Nakao!!!!!!!!1111111~~

2007-10-17T22:48:00.000+08:00

:o

*swoons in amazement*

Try this :
1) Key-in the first 3 digits of your
handphone number (not the 01x number)
using a calculator
2) Multiply by 80
3) Add 1
4) Multiply by 250
5) Plus the last four digits of your phone
number
6 ) Plus the last four digits of your phone
number again
7) Minus 250
8) Finally, divide by 2

And I can bet with my arm that the numbers appeared on the calculator was your handphone number. Haha XD

2007-10-16T15:33:00.000+08:00

I struggled for umpteenth years to break the habit of swearing. Profanity, profanity. Words are powerful and affect us in tremendous ways. Words carry meaning and emotion that affect us - and others - in amazing ways. True, words can have a positive impact ... but it's unlikely that a choice swear word has ever brought encouragement.

Ephesians 4:29 "Don't use bad language. Say only what is good and helpful to those you are talking to, and what will give them a blessing."

Proverbs 29:11 "Foolish people lose their tempers, but wise people control theirs."

Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger."

Ephesians sums it up pretty well, but I like what Proverbs 29 says. When I lose my temper and swear or use words that I later regret, it compares me to a fool. Ouch. I don't like that. I don't like guilt. But it's true. When I don't control my temper or my word choice it means that I'm allowing my emotions to guide my life. Emotion can be great, but when I live by emotion -- without thinking first -- that's foolish.

2007-10-07T16:01:00.000+08:00

A "spiritual gift" is more than "a wonderful, glorious blaze of something that has no value." God's spiritual gifts to us can best be described as special abilities He gives to be used in His service. The Bible talks about the gifts of evangelism, teaching, giving…. Naturally, all of us are to be faithful givers to God's work, but some people seem to have an unusual ability to make and give money to finance gospel endeavors.

The Apostle Paul addresses the presence of spiritual gifts in three main sections of scripture: Romans 12, I Corinthians 12, and Ephesians 4. Peter also verifies their existence in I Peter 4:10. Through these sections of scripture, we learn that all Christians have been given at least one spiritual gift. The purpose of spiritual gifts is twofold: (1) to unify Christians in their faith and (2) to produce growth within the church, both numerical and spiritual. These gifts are to be used out of love for one another, and in service to one another.

We do not choose which gifts we will receive. God bestows them upon us through the work of the Holy Spirit. Not all of the gifts identified in scripture are used in this inventory. The spectacular gifts (speaking in tongues, healing and miracles, prophecy, bold proclamation of God) and some of the non-spectacular gifts (martyrdom, celibacy) have not been included. Although these gifts exist, they are not commonly utilized in the mainstream of parish life. Since the objectives of spiritual gift deployment are to unify and produce growth through service, in today's church climate, only the service related gifts have been included.

Administration: the gift that enables a believer to formulate, direct, and carry out plans necessary to fulfill a purpose. Biblical References: I Corinthians 12:28, Acts 14:23.

Artistry: the gift that gives the believer the skill of creating artistic expressions that produce a spiritual response of strength and inspiration. Biblical References: Exodus 31:1-11, Psalm 149:3a.

Discernment: the gift that motivates a believer to seek God's will and purpose and apply that understanding to individual and congregational situations. Biblical References: John 16:6-15, Romans 9:1, I Corinthians 2:9-16.

Evangelism: the gift that moves believers to reach nonbelievers in such a way that they are baptized and become active members of the Christian community. Biblical References: Matthew 28:16-20, Ephesians 4:11- 16, Acts 2:36-40.

Exhortation: the gift that moves the believer to reach out with Christian love and presence to people in personal conflict of facing a spiritual void. Biblical References: John 14:1, II Timothy 1:16-18, III John 5-8.

Faith: the gift that gives a believer the eyes to see the Spirit at work and the ability to trust the Spirit's leading without indication of where it all might lead. Biblical References: Genesis 12:1-4a, Mark 5:25-34, I Thessalonians 1:8-10.

Giving: the gift that enables a believer to recognize God's blessings and to respond to those blessings by generously and sacrificially giving of one's resources (time, talent, and treasure). Biblical References: II Corinthians 9:6-15, Luke 21:1-4.

Hospitality: the gift that causes a believer to joyfully welcome and receive guests and those in need of food and lodging. Biblical References: Romans 12:13, Romans 16:23a, Luke 10:38.

Intercession: the gift that enables a believer to pray with the certainty that prayer is heard and when requests are made, answers will come. Biblical References: Matthew 6:6-15, Luke 11:1-10, Ephesians 6:18.

Knowledge: the gift that drives a person to learn, analyze and uncover new insights with regard to the Bible and faith. Biblical References: I Corinthians 12:8; I Corinthians 14:6, Romans 12:2.

Leadership: the gift that gives a believer the confidence to step forward, give direction and provide motivation to fulfill a dream or complete a task. Biblical References: Romans 12:8, John 21:15-17, II Timothy 4:1-5.

Mercy: the gift that motivates a believer to feel deeply for those in physical, spiritual, or emotional need and then act to meet that need. Biblical References: Luke 7:12-15, Luke 10:30-37, Matthew 25:34-36.

Music--Vocal: the gift that gives a believer the capability and opportunity to present personal witness and inspiration to others through singing. Biblical References: Psalm 96:1-9, Psalm 100:1-2, Psalm 149:1-2.

Music--Instrumental: the gift that inspires a believer to express personal faith and provide inspiration and comfort through the playing of a musical instrument. Biblical References: Psalm 33:1-5, Psalm 150, I Samuel 16:14-23.

Pastoring (Shepherding): the gift that gives a believer the confidence, capability and compassion to provide spiritual leadership and direction for individuals or groups of believers. Biblical References: I Timothy 4:12-16, I Timothy 3:1-13, II Timothy 4:1-2.

Service (Helps): the gift that enables a believer to work gladly behind the scenes in order that God's work is fulfilled. Biblical References: Luke 23:50-54, Romans 16:1-16, Philippians 2:19-23.

Skilled Craft: the gift that enables a believer to create, build, maintain or repair items used within the church. Biblical References: Exodus 30:1-6, Exodus 31:3-5, Ezekiel 27:4-11.

Teaching: the gift that enables a believer to communicate a personal understanding of the Bible and faith in such a way that it becomes clear and understood by others. Biblical References: I Corinthians 12:28, Matthew 5:1-12, Acts 18:24-48.

Wisdom: the gift that allows the believer to sort through opinions, facts and thoughts in order to determine what solution would be best for the individual believer or the community of believers. Biblical References: I Corinthians 2:6-13, James 3:13-18, II Chronicles 1:7-11.

Writing: the gift that gives a believer the ability to express truth in a written form; a form that can edify, instruct and strengthen the community of believers. Biblical References: I John 2:1-6, 12-14, I Timothy 3:14-15,
Jude 3.

Take some time to look back and explore the spiritual gift that God has given you. To hear God's voice, you've gotta turn down the world's volume.

You can take a short spiritual gift test here.

Mine's Music, Faith and Wisdom. What about yours? :)

PS:GodTube's just so waaaaaay cooooooooooool!

2007-09-29T18:17:00.000+08:00

I am rewriting the whole story again. My brain juice has dried up and I've been cracking my head day and night to continue the story. I guess I need to do a little planning first before I decide what to write. I managed to write till chapter 5, but I found the storyline/plot too stereotype and cliche. The story seems hanging lah. Maybe I'll get some inspiration from the dramas. But I don't want to plagiarize. When I have finalized everything then I will post the chapters here lah. Hehe xD

The exams were a FATAL BLOW to me. I almost died on the spot when I glanced through the question papers. Chemistry was a smack on the face. Physics was a spank on the ass. A hard one in fact. Biology was a sting of Belladonna. I doubt that I'll get mediocre marks. It would probably be worse. Let bygones be bygones lah. No point harping on the past, right? I don't want to be bothered by the past mistakes. And now I'll be having a one week break before the exam resumes. All the best to the PMR candidates! May God give you the faith and also the wisdom to do well in the examinations. Take a leap of faith and I'm sure that your efforts will be paid off.

I guess I'd have to work much harder next time. And I've got to refrain myself from cussing. And not to mention that I am seriously deprived of sleep. I've been having 2 hours of sleep everyday. I am increasingly feeling like a living mutilated zombie in the Twilight Zone. And I need eternity to replenish my snoozing time but no, I can't slack. Aih. My stack of DVDs are all covered in dust already. But I managed to watch Perfect Stranger. Must unwind a bit. I don't want to go the asylum lah. Haha 8) PS was okay, but my brother said it was too cliche. Ya mer? Not bad la, but too much of profanity only.

Alright, toodles everyone~
GBU 8D

2007-09-25T14:00:00.001+08:00

Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. Psalm 126:5, 6

Tears play a unique role in spiritual breakthrough. This text tells us that the planting of seeds accompanied by a spirit of brokenness will not only bring a spiritual harvest of results, but will leave the sower with a spirit of rejoicing in the process. Scripture teaches us that tears have a variety of purposes and functions related to what might be termed "the ministry of tears."

Tears of sorrow (2 Kin. 20:5) are brought on by the helplessness of our physical frailty.
Tears of joy (Gen. 33:4) rejoice in relationships restored.
Tears of compassion (John 11:35) in caring for the pain of others.
Tears of desperation (Esth. 4:1, 3), crying out for the help only God can give.
Tears of travail (Is. 42:14) in bearing down to give birth to the new thing God has promised to do.
Tears of repentance (Joel 2:12, 13), weeping because of our sin.

It is in our heart, softened by tears, where we must plant. And in such fertile soil, the precious seeds will grow and bring a joyous and abundant harvest.

2007-09-18T19:59:00.000+08:00

I SHOULD be studying right now, but here I am, procrastinating. Anyway I have something to share. Here's some food for thought :)

Fear, worry, stress, distress, and anxiety, are common words in our culture...and unfortunately all too common in our experience. We're living in an age that is filled with so much tension and so much pressure.

Have you ever noticed how every day we are force-fed a steady diet of anxiety-producing information? We can't escape it - whether it is on a global, national, or a personal scale. All of us have lives filled with things which can cause distress...and it is something we must learn to deal with.

The good news is this: We can win over worry! As a matter of fact it is absolutely essential that we not become victims of worry, but victors over worry through Jesus Christ. As believers in Jesus Christ, you and I have resources... we have strength that no one else has outside of Christ. In fact, our Lord knew how worry can dominate our lives, so He spoke specifically to those things that can produce panic instead of peace for us.

His challenge is found in Matthew 6 beginning in verse 25:

Click to read : Matthew 6:25-34

Do you see it? Jesus said it over and over again. "Do not worry... do not worry." And yet perhaps among the people of God this is the most common sin of all. Most Christians would say, "Well, I don't participate in the sins of dissipation. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't chew. I don't go with girls who do." And yet you are a worrier and you are troubled and tense and nervous and anxious and wringing your hands and worrying about yesterday, today and tomorrow.

And yes, worry is one of the most devastating sins of all. It's time to take this sin in our lives seriously. It's time to attack it in the authority that we have in God's Word and in the power of His Spirit. It is time to defeat this enemy of our souls.

In Matthew 6:25, Jesus tells us, "Do not worry about your life; what you're going to eat, what you're going to drink, or about your body, what you're going to put on." Why? Because worry is totally useless. It accomplishes nothing.

Now, the worry Jesus is talking about is the needless, useless kind of anxiety that just chokes the life out of you. Have you ever analyzed the things that you worry about...that we all worry about? Well, for one we worry about those things that have happened... things that happened in the past. We worry about past failures and past decisions that we have made. Some people live every day chastised by what happened yesterday - and often many yesterdays ago.

What is done is done. Thank God for His forgiveness. Thank God for His grace. We don't have to live in guilt and fear and failure of the past. You and I need to stop worrying about yesterday.
Then we worry about those things that might happen... but never do happen. Our lives are lived by "What if...." We think catastrophically of all the things that might terrorize us and bring us to our knees.

There was a story about a husband and his wife who were awakened in the middle of the night by something stirring downstairs in the kitchen. So the husband got up to find a man with a mask stealing things out of the kitchen. The husband asked, "Sir, are you a burglar?" He said, "Yes, I am." He said, "Well, just a minute. Will you come upstairs and meet my wife? She's been expecting you for 30 years!"

Obviously we can't control the future! Jesus said in verse 34, "Don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about it's own things."

Then there are those things that we worry about that do happen. Some people worry about death. Well, death is going to happen unless Jesus comes in our lifetime! But some people are so worried about dying that they never get on with living.

My dear friends, I want you to know you can count on the fact that Jesus makes all things beautiful in His time. And when you pass through the deep waters, He said, "I will be with you." But worrying about it only adds to the weight and only disrupts God's healing presence in our lives. Worry is useless. I want you to defeat the worry in your life and grasp hold of the truth Jesus promises:

"Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matthew 6:31-33

Take a leap of faith! And trust Him :)

God bless! ^_^

Credits to Dr Jack :D

2007-09-05T15:02:00.001+08:00

2007-08-29T15:45:00.000+08:00

Yeah, a short story with a few chapters. I do not have the best grammar though, neither do I have unlimited vocabulary. I have mediocre English, so to speak. Well, my love for writing is beyond words :)

The Last Concerto

Prologue
As he stood along the beautiful horizon of the orange beach, he reminisced about the burnt memories that were already swept away by the spiral cold waves. The sun was like a drop of vermillion. The sound of the waves were like a lullaby. There he stood, like a desolate soul searching for a ray of light or hope. He felt hollow and empty. They say, roses symbolize eternal love. Love used to be that unshakeable force of strength for some people to carry on despite the hurdles in life. Love is like a tiny leaf, even the lightest wisp of air could brush it away. Roses are not forever - they would somehow wither and die.

In the end, it all returns to nothing. When fear and grief dominate and take full control of your life, you bleed just to know you're alive.

Is it right to judge?

2007-08-25T00:38:00.000+08:00

Some people think that it is purely hypocritical to judge others. How many times have you heard someone whine, "Judge not, that ye be not judged?" This verse of Scripture from Matthew 7:1 is often quoted out of context by people who are terrified at the idea of someone preaching against sin or pointing out any form of error in anyone, especially in themselves. As for Matthew 7:1, the context (verses 1-5) allows judging after you have first judged yourself. Jesus did not make a blanket statement against judgment. He simply pointed out a rule for judging.

The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment." (Psa. 37:30) A righteous person will talk of judgment. He will not refuse to judge. He will talk judgment.

"Seek good, and not evil, that ye may live: and so the LORD, the God of hosts, shall be with you, as ye have spoken. Hate the evil, and love the good, and establish judgment in the gate: it may be that the LORD God of hosts will be gracious unto the remnant of Joseph." (Amos 5:14-15) How can you hate the evil and love the good if you refuse to judge?

Our generation is well described in Isaiah 59:8: "The way of peace they know not; and there is no judgment in their goings: they have made them crooked paths: whosoever goeth therein shall not know peace." People have refused to judge, so there is no peace.

Paul said in I Corinthians 1:10 to ". . . be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment." Why would Paul make such a statement if judging is wrong? In I Corinthians 2:15 Paul says, "But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man." Judging is not a sin; judging is a characteristic of being a spiritual person! Satan has been lying to us, hoping that we will not judge, because he knows that the right kind of judgment pleases God and betters our lives and Christian service. Even me, sometimes I feel guilty of being judgemental towards others. And most of the time I'm irked when people judge me and give me hostile criticism.

Do not judge another when you do not have all the relevant facts. Jeremiah 5:1 says, "Run ye to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem, and see now, and know, and seek in the broad places thereof, if ye can find a man, if there be any that executeth judgment, that seeketh the truth; and I will pardon it." A true judge is one who seeks the truth. If you must judge, be sure and get all the facts. A Japanese proverb says to "search seven times before you judge."

Remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 7:2: "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." You'll reap what you sow (Gal. 6:7-8). If you are swift and harsh in judging others, then God will see to it that you receive the same from others. Has God not been very merciful to you, even though you deserved it not.

After all, we should never forget to look at the mirror and see our reflections. 1 Corinthians 11:30-31: "For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep. For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged." Wouldn't it be amazing if everyone actually took time to judge themselves before judging anyone else? In Matthew 7:4-5, Jesus says, " Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." A good judge will not fail to judge himself.

I admit that I do feel guilty when I judge someone superficially. We can judge but we must first judge ourselves confessing our sins and then judge righteously not condemning.

Credits to James Melton.

PS: As some of you have noticed that I changed my header. But I decided to change it, again. Heh.

2007-08-23T11:20:00.000+08:00

I lost my sanity for a temporary duration of 1 week. I procrastinated, snacked, slacked and stopped working out. Everyday, I am like a living corpse. I wake up, go to school, stick to the computer, indulge myself in junk food and watch DVDs for practically everyday. Don't ask me why. I don't even understand my own actions =.= And the worse thing is, I have not touched my project yet.

Oh great. I'm doomed. How cool is that.

And I am even thinking of going out.

2007-08-11T18:49:00.001+08:00

2007-08-11T18:36:00.001+08:00

2007-08-11T16:11:00.000+08:00

I am burning with rage and indignation. Some stupid scumbag got me so fired up this morning, and I just felt like shouting profanity to him. But, since today was Saturday, I didn't want this to spoil my mood and so I just kept mum throughout the whole so-called lecture. Honestly, he wasted 10 minutes of my life and I rather write an essay/do some Additional Mathematics questions with that amount of time. It wasn't beneficial to me and yeah, his so-called lectures have fallen on deaf ears. Whatever. Anyway, I still have a few questions ringing in my head and I need some explanation about that. There were a few ambiguous statements in your so-called-constructive-criticism and some of the things you said contradicts with your actions.

1. You said that we are the creme de la creme of this school, and we are not showing a good example to the others.
- Well, you're a part of this class, and so why aren't you showing a good example to us since you're a prefect? I thought prefects are trailblazers for all the students of this school to follow? It is very obvious that you are not a good time-juggler. You seem to prioritize your duties more than your studies, which is, indeed, wrong. Not enough time? Too busy? They're all excuses. You don't even take heed of your studies and you even have the courage to tell us that we're not showing a good example to the others. Please, look at the mirror first before your criticize someone and don't come up with such statements which negates your actions. Don’t criticize anything unless you have credibility and a good track record, which in my opinion, you don't even have.

2. You were standing on the 3rd floor of the building and we were standing on the assembly ground. According to your observation, you also mentioned that we were not singing the national loud enough.
- My oh my, how is it possible to hear us singing from the third floor? Are you a bat who has the capability to hear 200 Hertz of vibrations? If we were alone in the assembly ground, then you could probably hear us sing. But there were approximately 2000+ students in the assembly ground. Their voice would have drowned our voices already. How could you possibly hear that? You're merely assuming. And whatever you assume may not be right all the time.

3. When one of us spoke up, you commanded us not to argue with you.
- Okay, would you just shut up if someone accuses you of murdering someone? If you were to shut up, then you're a total retard. With no common sense at all. I don't see anything wrong with being defensive of ourselves. If someone makes false accusations about you, it is normal for you to speak up for yourself. And also this, when someone is trying to give their two cents about something, you can't ask them to just shut up. It is like giving a slap to them and asking them not to say anything. You have to be mature enough to listen to their opinions. Well, you might say, this is a school matter and not a class matter, and therefore, we should not talk about it. Class matters are also school matters, anyway. We're in school, and whatever problems regarding classes/toilets/whatsoever are considered school problems as well. In a nutshell, I guess you're just trying to stop us from humiliating you. Perhaps, eh?

Frankly speaking, I hate getting myself involved in verbal disputes, but sometimes, it just irks me a lot and there is no way I can just keep quiet and do nothing about it. But sometimes, being too straightforward will cause negative repercussions. And a backlash would happen occasionally.

Yes, I know, criticism hurts like a bee sting. So any decent person tries to avoid criticizing others. But sometimes you can’t avoid it forever, so finally, when you get mad enough, you speak. The problem is, when you criticize while you’re mad, you aren’t likely to do it well. And when you say something while you’re angry, we get defensive because anger is an attacking emotion.

So, when you guys see me zipping my lip, it doesn't really mean that I am giving in. ~~I am just thinking of a way to take revenge because vengeance is sweet~~~ Well, I may be thinking of the words to be sarcastic in a polite way or I may be keeping quiet just for the sake of peace and also to avoid arguments/disagreements :)

2007-07-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

Food intrigues me. Food photography does. Especially candies. Japanese ones. Creative.. and attractive to the eye! I seem to have a penchant on conceptual photography. The colours, the patterns. It never ceases to amaze me. Each candy has its own story to tell - from how it is made, how it is moulded and the way it turned out to be. Each candy is unique and different. I am certainly an avid fan of sugarcoated candies. But no, I am not an ardent fan of eating them. I collect candies, to be exact. And the candies I collect would certainly rot and expire one day, but I have no worries about it. My brother has a super duper sweet tooth and he definitely loves indulging in candies and chocolates. Not to mention that he would rob the refrigerator and steal all my candies. Daylight robbery. Dang that ass.

I do eat candies, once in a while, not too often. Eating sweet stuffs make your brains happy. And it releases endorphines (happy hormones). Well, I used to have a sweet tooth, but not really at the moment. I seem to have an aversion towards overly-sweet stuffs (chocolates are exceptional). I detest pineapples and raisins. Yeah, I'm weird/peculiar/special. Besides, if I were to eat those candies on a daily basis, all my teeth would have gone rotten now and I would probably be wearing dentures. Or possibly. I wouldn't even be here, typing, due to the fact that I have Diabetes and my pancreas are dead. Even insulin injections wouldn't help. Well, touch wood.

Japanese KitKats are obviously better than ours. We only have 3 miserable flavours, which is the original flavour, the cheese lemon flavour and the cappuccino flavour. There are so many kind of exotic flavours of KitKats in Japan. Limited edition ones as well. Pumpkin flavoured.. Green tea flavoured. Red bean flavoured. Fruity flavoured. It tastes much better than what we have here in country. Honestly.

I always wished that I had the free time to do clay, well, salt dough to be exact. Then, I could possible mould it into whatever I design I like. I reckon it would be fun ^_^. But my oven... sheesh. Hope it is still alive. And it'd better function properly. Or else I would throw it away.

Wait, oh no. I can't do that. My mom would kill me of I ever laid my finger on her cooking utensils. And one thing, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the cake and cookies she bakes for me and my family. Oh well..

2007-07-21T18:33:00.000+08:00

Let's get mundane :)

Carnival was..... okay. The previous years were better in my opinion. And Ivan and I certainly had fun dipping the fruits in chocolate fondue and getting ourselves smeared in chocolate. There was an incident, where the plastic bag had a big hole and the chocolate was leaking. We just guffawed. Guffawed. And guffawed.

I felt embarrassed. Andrea...! She dedicated a song to me, okay, she is indeed a good friend of mine, I thought, initially. And the message was...

'YOU'RE MAD!!!!'

Those who know me were practically staring (not exactly) at me. And laughed. And I laughed too. Something to cover my humiliation heh.. So,

An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. And I dedicated a message to her as well, I wrote her full name while she did not, so that people would recognize her. Nah, she's famous enough anyway. This was what I told her,

'Don't always sleep in class. Do your homework laa...'

IN PUBLIC! How cool is that. True enough, she finally got a taste of her own medicine. I blurted one of her darkest secrets. She had a red face. And it was fun to see her embarrassed.

Okay, jokes aside.

Anyway I feel stuffed today. I had Dunkin Donuts (it was strawberry flavoured!), fried ice-cream (bread fried with a little bit of breadcrumbs, and there is ice cream inside. It is hot in the outside and cold in the inside), Japanese tofu fa, chocolate cake, tomyam fishballs, pizza, sparkling juice, cheesy wedges, ribena lemonade and the list goes on. So much to eat, yeah, I think I could even feed 100 malnourished children.

Let's get back to serious stuffs :)

Nothing significant anyway. I went for an interview yesterday for LPS. And it was a confidence booster for me. Initially, my heart was thumping for 10000 times per minute. And I walked gingerly into the room. Well, nothing scary. I sat in the middle, surrounded by seniors and they interrogated me. Interviews are good. In my opinion, I feel that it is a good way to expose yourself.

There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Some people may look at it at a different perspective. And people often misunderstand about it. Confidence is like vitamin. It is good when you consume moderately. But it is detrimental to your health if you consume too much.

I am not opting for a high post, because there are other people out there who are far more capable than me. I reckon that I'll be getting post that doesn't require much work. Then, I can slack more! :)

It seems like our roads only intertwine ever so slightly, and then your existence starts to fade, fade, and fade away...until you remain nothing but a spec in the realm of someone else's vast memories, dusted off as if you never existed.

Gotta finish my English essay right now. Rushing for time at the moment D:

2007-07-14T12:09:00.000+08:00

The worldly ways. I've recently found out that I'm deeply influenced by the worldly ways. I've began to do the things which I am not suppose to do. Where did my conscience go? What did I do.. till I lost my track? It's probably too late to undo the mistakes. I never learn from my mistakes. The saying 'once bitten twice shy' somehow does not apply to me. I wonder when I will be mature enough to think wisely and not to repeat the same old mistakes again. I've come to realize that I am quite a materialistic person. I seem to be green of envy of people who are considered much more lucky than me. I always wanted to be in their place, but I know it will never happen. It would probably happen, but maybe in 10 years time. I am rather impatient person, and therefore I do not have the patience to wait for something which I don't think will ever happen to me. I've always believed in faith, but I've learned to be realistic as well. Whenever I harbour some hope on something, it will only end with disappointment. Disappointment is like a slap on the face. It smacks, real hard. Nobody likes to be spanked at all.

Hitherto I feel like I'm just hanging on, clinging on a rope. So many thoughts are swimming in my head. I can't wait any longer. But whenever I taste something which I like, I can never be satisfied with it. I ask for more, and that is greed. Greed can make everything fall apart. And that is when my hopes were too high till I was doomed to disappointments. A couple of letdowns is able to kill me. And I certainly don't want to be labelled as a failure. I've always wanted to be the best and achieve better than others. But it is easier said than done. Perhaps I was too lazy or perhaps I was impotent, and soon I had stupid delusions that told me to just wait, and everything will fall back into place. If you don't start working, you're never going to achieve what you want. Not even in a million years. And I am so gullible to believe the fact that everything will be okay and I don't need to do anything.

It's time to be realistic. The worldly ways isn't God's plan. And why I am being pulled to follow the worldly way. I ponder, ponder and ponder. Perhaps the worldly ways does fulfil my selfish desires. If I ever got all the things I wanted, I would have gone astray from Him. The desideratum of what I longed for was money and power. The less I received, I more I wanted. This is our human nature. We're imperfect after all. Ironic it may seem, because I often advise my friends about life, relationships and yet I cannot handle it myself. I never wanted to be ostracized by other people. I never wanted to be a desolate figure, standing in darkness. I didn't want to be a social pariah. I wanted to be highly looked up on, and so, I tried too hard. There were moments where I felt like I was sabotaging my own efforts and my life was in jeopardy. Besides, I have always been narcissistic that I tend to look down on others. I was wrong. I was being judgemental to practically everyone around me. When jealousy engulfs me, words come out like poison thorns.

Pride. I always take pride in everything I do. Some people regard me as arrogant because at times I am over-confident. The higher hopes you put on something, the higher disappointment you get. They say that pride comes before a fall. I agree to it because I can relate to that. It is saddening, yeah, but I've learned to learn from my mistakes. If I was younger, I console myself by denying my own mistakes. I would lick my own wound. Then, I would be living in denial. Albeit I despise situations like these, this is life. The journey of life is.. this. You have to face it no matter what. Predicaments like these make you stronger. The more hardships you face, the more mature you get. It helps you to move on to another stage of life, where you're able to differentiate between what's right and what's wrong. Like what Rodimus Prime aka Hot Rod said, Experience is the benchmark of maturity.

So, to sum everything up, I am trying not to follow the worldly ways. It will not dominate my life. I've made my final decision =) I pray that everything will be fine.

When you're depressed, just suck it up and smile :) You never know who will be falling in love with your smile :)

2007-07-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

I loathe July, and I know July is going to be a long one. Don't take heed of what I'm saying here, July lovers.

I'm conceited. I'm lazy. I tend to be a little too nasty at times.

Profanity - Leveled up.

Not looking good. Sheeeetz la.

I heart transformers. It smelled pretty awesome.

Transform, autobots, ROLLOUT! Okay, I shall cut the crap. Blahs.

~~It feels weird to type in this kind of format. But I like it, somehow :D~~

2007-06-30T19:09:00.000+08:00

There's nothing wrong in wishful reveries - but when greed comes in, everything can fall apart. It seeps, sinks and penetrates into your soul. And guilt engulfs you. It pulls you into a dark, black hole that seems so hollow and void. You try really hard to escape, like an exodus, but you're alone.

For some reasons I appreciate silence. I like drowning myself in silence. So silent that I'm able to hear the deafening sound of silence. And, solitude. When I'm all alone, I don't seem to care about the world, the people around me, I just seem to breeze through. I couldn't be bothered about the worldly matters. There's just too much to think of. Every hurdle I face has a connection. It comes, one after another. But somehow, in times like these, I seem to have..

Faith and Hope budding in me.

Hardship and obstacles are always there, at every corner. They barge into my life, choke me till I can't breathe. Not even an ounce of breath. But, there is always a part of me that firmly believes that someday, things will get certainly better, well, its just time that matters. The best thing is bound and yet to happen, like a rendezvous.

And when you feel like a bird with broken wings, don't count on others but God and yourself. Mend your broken wings and..

Fly away.

2007-06-26T19:07:00.000+08:00

I've been having weird cravings lately, probably due to the hormones. I've been craving for food ranging from Dunkin Doughnuts, Tom Yam Steamboat, Teppanyaki, Bar.BBQ.Plaza's grilled pork and McDonalds. Rosie said I'm pregnant. STUPIDnyaaaa. Well, obviously I'm not pregnant lah (I STILL HAVE MY PERIOD LA OKAY, CLEAR?)and don't ever think of it cos its totally insensible and nor would I have premarital sex before marriage. That's really a dumb thing to do.. and yet so many girls in this world are blurred by the cloud of love till they don't know what they're actually doing. Seems like Rosabel does not have the ability to think rationally. I know I'm crapping here so please excuse me =D Oh well. Haha.

I think I've put on a little weight. Whatever.. -.-|| In my previous posts I said that I wanted to shed some pounds. But... sigh, look what I've done. Snacking non stop. The aftermath of a food frenzy event totally sucks cos guilt starts to eat you up and you know you can't do anything. Not like you're gonna regurgitate all the food you've just eaten. Eww-ness. My plan of ~~losing some fats~~ shedding some pounds did not materialize. Wait..it did, actually, about a few days. Hangat-hangat tahi ayam lar. It's so hard to kick the habit.

Old habits die hard. Sigh!

2007-06-23T10:09:00.000+08:00

The Verdict..

1. SMK Convent Bukit Nanas
2. SMK Kepong Baru
3. SMK Victoria
4. SMK Wangsa Melawati
5. SMK Seri Sentosa

First and foremost, I want to thank God for clearing all my doubts and worries on that particular day. I knew He was near me, guiding us all the while. Without Him, we are not what we are today. Once again, praise Him for all good things. Faith is indeed believing what God says is more real than what I see.

I was rooting for my school to win this choir competition but then, yeah, we got the first runner up. So near and yet so far. Well, I felt kinda bittersweet. More like a myriad of feelings. Happy that we've made through this far. And a bit of bitter and disappointed that we were so close to becoming the champion.

And when everything falls apart, even the people who never frown, would eventually break down.

I can't believe I cried, and I didn't know why I cried, whether I was happy for what we have achieved so far or whether I was sad because we couldn't win. I guess its both. I didn't even know what I was feeling -.-"

~~PS:It totally sucks to see others rejoicing over victory and you're envious of them that sadness starts to consume you. You don't wanna try how it feels. Seriously.~~

2007-06-16T22:07:00.000+08:00

Its so lame to give someone such high hopes but in the end finally give them a slap of disappointment. Don't you have the bloody common sense to fathom how he/she would have felt, the kind of unbelieving, albeit wonderful feeling of euphoria budding in him at the prospect of such a grand winning?! How can you subject someone to this form of mockery? What? Make someone real happy like a fool in front of your eyes and tell them its merely a joke in the end? You even pretended that nothing happened. Its not funny at all. Stupidest gimmick ever. I am rather embarrassed that you were the culprit behind this. You came out with such a stupid idea which is just plainly nonsensical. This is completely outrageous thinking of your part. Sit down, reflect and revise your own actions. Think of the consequences. And most importantly, think whether its right and sensible. Maybe that "all-too-bright" idea wasn't that bright after all.

If I was that "someone", I would have scratched the car, kick it till it gets dented, smash the windscreen and probably set it on fire, then create a huge explosion and blast it into pieces.

Yeah, yeah, I know I have no rights to judge. Mistakes are not meant to pull you down. But this is just unacceptable. Try putting yourself in his/her shoes and you will know how it feels to be given false hopes in the beginning and then being let down in the end. If you can't decipher it, you're a certified ~~@$$~~ retard.

2007-06-14T19:39:00.000+08:00

Another hurdle is coming up. If I'd were to tell you that I am not fidgeting right here and right now, I would be lying. I'm glad :) Hehe. Lo and behold, we made through the preliminary rounds. And the finals are merely a week away. We're against VI and CBN. Hope we would be able to break some legs and kick some asses :) However, this is just a stepping stone. There's still room for improvement and we really have to work on our expressions. If we look so kayu on the stage, there's a high possibility that the judges might penalise us. And obviously nobody likes it..neither me or you, right?

I would loooooove to post pictures on my blog but dang, there's nothing much I could do rather than to accept the fact that I have a totally obsolete mobile phone and I am too poor to buy myself a technologically savvy and sophisticated mobile phone. Unless if you'd visit my blog more often and Nuffnang would possibly pay me. Ha..ha. Besides, the camera hates me albeit I would love to take pictures with my friends and post the pictures on my blog. But dang, since I'm not photogenic, I have resorted to not taking pictures and posting them here. Ya la, call me what you want, vain or whatever :D

The first moment the CBNers stepped in, the first and foremost impression that crossed my mind was that they look like janitors (familiar?go browse my archives. LOL). Is it me or them? Maybe they really look like janitors. Haha :P But nonetheless, they did a good job. Not too bad actually. But hey, they violated the rules. You are not suppose to have accompaniments other than the piano and the guitar. And they're trying to be smarter by using a tambourine and having solo singers. Hello, we're in a choir competition la dude. So =.=" man..

SSS ~~(Stupid Sakai Suckers)~~ came in like circus performers doing the caterpillar walk. Bwahahah. :D I thought they were pretty good, but their singing was rather peculiar and weird to me. They transposed the whole song and they were singing in A FREAKING HIGH PITCH and it was a perfectly screwed up disaster. Their pitch was totally out. Even the judges said so. But there was something which I was quite impressed - their expressions were really good. I mean, really good. A good try for newbies ~~noobies~~ anyway :)

I found a Sanjaya lookalike too. Hahah :D As usual, kinda gay though =.=

When the results were announced, I was flabbergasted. I stood up and automatically I had the urge to scream. Too bad my choir members were at the back. I was at the front. If not, I would scream with them as well :) Yeah, I'm very syiok sendiri one. Haha :P

About my exam results... @_@ Don't wanna go into it, it's disappointing and freakin' frustrating :(

2007-06-04T13:56:00.000+08:00

I think some teachers are absurd. Why do they give so much of assignments, projects and homework? We complain and yet they grumble, saying that they have more work to do. In the first place, they shouldn't stuff us with so much of assignments lah then. I guess what goes around comes around. When they give us more assignments, their workload becomes much heavier, obviously. So why bother giving us so much of projects? I don't see that there's a point in that though :) Frankly speaking, I find some teachers funny. Do they come to school to fulfill their duty as teacher or just to model and to dress to impress? Or probably just work so that they'll eventually get paid, eh? Some teachers (which I refuse to disclose their names) are rather irresponsible (in my opinion), they just switch on their laptop and the projector, and the computer teaches us instead. Notes? Lab reports? Experiments? Worksheets? They expect us to do everything on our own. And sometimes we're too busy till we forget to complete our projects/assignments/bla bla, they blame us without asking. They're jumping into conclusion la obviously! Sigh. I despise them and yet there are an overflowing number of these kind of lazy-and-a-total-sucker-in-English teachers in my school. RETARDED!!

Talking about English, I would definitely laugh and guffaw loudly when some teachers speak broken English. Come on lah, most of the subjects we're learning now are all in English and those teachers can't even speak proper English. I think the students are even more fluent in English. Likewise, my Biology teacher pronounces rough endoplasmic reticulum as raf enduplazmeec wetikuloom. That is defeating the purpose, eh? She has a bachelor of science in education and yet she can't even teach. Holy moley! She uses the laptop instead and whenever we ask her about something we don't understand, she just refers to the reference book. For your information, that is really not helping. And one thing, her slang or whatever accent annoys me. She sounds like a cow speaking German. I could hardly decipher what she's trying to tell me sometimes. Why can't she just make some effort to improve her English? Do it for the sake of the students (and even if you're selfish or whatever, do it for the sake of yourself lah). It's a pathetic sight to see so many of them in my school! And to my school principal, be wise a bit lah. I know we're short of teachers, but you can't just accept every freshman from some unknown universities to our school. I think they're doing more harm than good. What we really need is quality and not quantity. And stop giving long talks/speechs everyday. Our legs hurts like hell when you do that and it's not helping cos we're not listening either.

Ooooookay, enough of ramblings. Lets get a little mundane here :)

It was SL's birthday yesterday, so we went to 1U to celebrate. Watched Blades Of Glory (again!) and kept laughing. Whenever I watch the trailer, I would laugh like some kind of schizo woman. JY belanja-ed pizza and the bill was a whooping 75 bucks! Thanks JY! But nevermind lah, I'll pay you back. We dutch la k? Went bowling and had breakfast there. Haha. Weird it may seem but I was hungry la. So I ate there. During the first few rounds, I scored quite pretty well :D I striked! And at the end I sucked pretty well too. Haha :) And I got second last. Not too bad for an amateur bowler. :D Ai Lynn belanja-ed McD! Thanks Lynn! I think I have a similarity her. We both love shopping but we're broke (Kononnya la. She has so many 50 dollar notes inside her wallet).

And not to mention we had SEVEN type of cakes from Secret Recipe. SEVEN! New York Cheese, Oreo, Chocolate Indulgence, Banana Fudge and so forth. We were stuffed. Ughhhhhhh D: Not to mention that I had a slight tummy ache afterwards. I started working out lately. Hopefully I'll be able to shed and burn some pounds/fats/extra calories and also to grow taller (Ha..ha).

I think window shopping is a waste of time. You can see, you can touch, but you can't buy! What's the point? I can resist fattening foods like McD French Fries but I certainly cannot resist the temptation of shopping. But what to do la. I am a total broke now. I can only mourn and lament here. I saw a pair of pink high heels in XOXO, and I am dying to get it right now. ARGH.. STUPIDITY! Lame la I know. It sucks when you want to buy something you'd really want, and yet you know you can't buy it despite the fact that you're broke and you can't afford it. I often find myself in situations and predicaments like these. And I'll drown myself in reveries and then greed causes everything to fall apart. I wished I was like Micah, who is a technopath, allowing him to "talk" to electrical devices, which gives him control of machines and electronic devices. Like how he managed to dig out some cash from the ATM machine. But.. whatever la. Such an irony to use the word 'whatever'. LOL.

I think camwhoring's fun. Not that kind of camwhoring, where you take pictures of yourself. Camwhoring with friends while doing some kind of stupid goosy pose like hugging the Johnny Depp poster near the cinema would be fun. I hate the fact that I'm not photogenic. But..... nevermind. Perhaps the camera doesn't like me. Nuff said :D

What is the theme of my blog? I don't know seriously. Whenever I feel like writing my past, I do it in my blog. Whenever I'm unhappy with the world and also the people around me, I voice out my point of views in my blog. Whenever I feel like insulting someone, I write all the sarcastic remarks here in my blog. I guess my blog has no theme in particular, it is merely thoughts, undertones, reveries, ramblings and also rantings of a 16 year old bashful(ah? Hah..) schoolgirl.

In my opinion, sarcasm should NOT be used sparingly. It should be used more often. So what if it hurts others? If they didn't hurt/taunt you, you wouldn't be sarcastic to them in the first place, right? Everybody's entitled to their own opinions anyway. Sometimes I need what only idiots can provide : their absence. =)

2007-06-02T19:06:00.000+08:00

I suddenly had the urge to blog again. RAWR.

They say, nothing beats the first love. Well, true enough. So I'm going to write my past here. I hardly talk about my private matters here, but I'll just spill some beans about my past since I really feel like blurting it out here. This is going to be cheesy. Ha...ha

My First Love. Petals in the wind.
The moment he asked me, I was dumbfounded. I never expected something like this to happen neither had I expected someone to love and appreciate me for who I am. I couldn't decipher those feelings I felt. Those myriad of feelings are pretty hard to explain. Euphoria was overflowing. I was loved and appreciated. I felt like there were rainbows everywhere, in every part of my life. Life was like rainbows and dandelions. I was enjoying every single second of it.

He never failed to make me smile. He was ever so protective of me. He was caring. He often worries for me. And whenever I'm sad and depressed, he was always there to cheer me up. Once, I fell really ill. So ill that I was unable to get out from bed. And yet, he tried inevitably to make me happy. He would call and SMS me often to see whether I was alright.

I thanked God for giving someone special to me. That special someone was my everything. He was my strength and pillar of hope. Without him, I would be in total darkness. I would be in total oblivion. The love I had for him... was growing everyday. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. From dawn to night I would be thinking of him. I felt that this was like a reverie.

And I can't afford to make this reverie sour. Nothing lasts forever, though. On one faithful day, I bided farewell to him. I finally said goodbye to him. It seemed like our love has dried. Gone. Forever. So I chose this road, and I kept chanting to myself that everything will be OK. I was reluctant to choose this path. I knew I had to stop loving him and I will be able to get over it but not all in one overnight. Perhaps all I needed was time. I took approximately one year to get over him. Frankly speaking, the entire process was agonizing. I would cry to myself and blame myself for choosing this road. How I could I say goodbye to someone whom I love so much? On and off I would regret over this matter. But let bygones be bygones. I've learned to let go of the past and not to dwell in it anymore. Whenever I think of the past, it still hurts me though.

But nothing could ever beat my first love. Not even anyone. He's irreplaceable.

But I'm over with it already. I have moved on >:)

2007-05-29T19:40:00.000+08:00

I was so enthusiastic about blogging. I used to be an avid blogger. I was so into writing. I guess I'll drop by once in a while to post some stories in my blog. I don't feel like writing about my private life here. It seems.. I don't know. Undescribable.

Faith. The strength to believe that the impossible can be possible.

What is faith without hope? It would be meaningless. Without hope, faith is meaningless. And when without faith, hope is meaningless. Do the pieces still fit? I reckon not.

Rainbows used to be in every corner, in every smile and laughter and in every single tear. Those were the nostalgic halcyon days, where the rainbows would shine at every part of the horizon and the sun would be smiling.

We were so enthusiastic about fixing the puzzles together back then. It seemed short, and yet very blissful at the same time. Those were the times where we felt love revolving around us. Those were the times we felt that we were meant for each other. Those were the times we felt that we've found the other half. Those were times where we felt like we were flying among the clouds.

As time passes, things weren't the same anymore. There was no more joy, even if it had, it lasted for a short period of time. Without realizing, the pieces seemed to fall bit by bit. It was in a mess. The pieces were shattered. No matter how hard we tried to put the pieces back, it never worked. Our efforts were futile. We were not as enthusiastic as before. Where did our love go? Our hearts. It seemed hollow and void. Perhaps we should learn to let go. We should never dwell in the past anymore. Maybe we have to resign to fate. Maybe destiny's not our game. More often than not, we felt pangs of sorrow stabbing our souls. It lingered. The pain lingered.

Our hearts can still feel the twinges when we reminisce about the fact the pieces don't fit anymore. Things can never be the same again, although it never ceases to amaze us that we've been through this far.

Goodbye.

2007-04-19T19:36:00.001+08:00

Ceaseless complaints and mindless rantings. That is what I do, on a daily basis. Mundane it may seem, how I wished I could regurgitate all my bad habits.

[~~bitching~~backbite mode on]
I argued with my senior today, due to some reasons. He did not want to admit his mistake, and he was practically raising his tone on me. So, I got pretty angry and I gave him a piece of my mind. I was being brutally honest, sarcastically frank and polite. I spoke up for what was right. Basically, I don't care whether they're my seniors, well, I do respect them, but if they're in the wrong and yet they don't admit it, I would never hesitate to give them a smack on their face to tell them what's going on. If they're giving some ideas which are inappropriate, I beg to differ - regardless of who's older and who's more 'experienced'. If they're unhappy for what I've done, they can bring my post down or perhaps even expel me, but they can never bring me down or make me feel dejected. To sack me/expel me/lower my post based on that small matter? Uh-uh, I think that's an immature act. Instead, they should settle this matter properly.

It is not easy to survive and cope around bunch of foolish jerks and imbecile nincompoops. They are always threatening us, telling us that if they are not satisfied with our performance, the chances of getting a yellow letter (warning letter. 3 yellow letters and out you go)/getting sacked (frankly speaking, in certain cases) is indeed very high. They complain about our attitude... which is a stereotype. They complain the same old thing almost every year? Geez, I'm not that gullible to believe those stupid crap. Its.. far from true.

Sometimes I feel like resigning and just fulfill my duty as a normal student. The advantages are no peer pressure, no more stress and of course, no more facing dumb retards who don't have common sense. It's a virtue to have common sense for complete retards like them. Certainly, I can't assume that all of them are complete retards, well, a handful of them aren't and I'm thankful and I appreciate their existence. But I have beared with them for 4 years, so why can't I just bear with them for another year? One more year.. and Eden shall descend on me. I live up to my own expectancy, and not theirs. I'm not some bleach blond Barbie doll who will let others take charge of me.
[~~bitching~~backbite mode off]

[imaginative mode on]
I would loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove to :
-have unlimited source of ice-creams, chocolates, good food in my refrigerator. I have a sweet tooth :)
-have an enormous wardrobe, lots of clothes that fit my taste, shoes, ranging from sneakers to pumps, handbags, accesories and the list goes on ~~for eternity~~. I have a penchant for all these kind of things. I think I'm getting a little too greedy. I seem to cloud myself with mirages and illusions that will never seem to happen. Hahaha~
-shop 24/7. ^_^
-shout at some mindless jerks out there. I guess I will never be able to think rationally. Hahaha~
-have millions of technologically-sophisticated-and-savvy electronic devices. Cooleos~!
-have the whole collection of DVDS of my favourite dramas like Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, Arrested Development, Prison Break, Korean dramas, TVB dramas and much more >_^
-play all kinds of musical instruments. Awesomeness!
-have at least 12 hours of sleep everyday. No more eyebags, YAY-ness! >=)
-have thousands of books cause I love reading. It helps me to keep stress at bay :)
-~~burn~~ sabotage my Internet provider~~'s office down~~ because the Internet bill is so freaking pricey and yet as slow as a snail. They limit my download speeds too. My Internet modem goes bonkers, like, practically, all the time. I wished my Internet connection was 5GBs :D
-travel to every corner of the world and shop,eat and enjoy to the fullest.
-be more intelligent, well, smarter than Pak Kheong would do :)

and... the list goes on ~~and on and on and on and on and on and on~~ :D

[imaginative mode off]

Delusions. Dang.... @_@

PS: I shall be on hiatus starting from the beginning of May. I will be back..... someday. ;)

2007-03-28T18:47:00.001+08:00

"Bridge over troubled waters" is so meaningful. It touches me in a way that whenever I listen to it, I feel calm. Love doesn't make the pain heal, it makes the pain more bearable :)

A foe of mine told me that I have no rights to insult her. Well, then, you don't have the rights to talk bad behind our backs either. Do have some cow sense ;D

2007-03-26T18:22:00.001+08:00

I am spiritually drained out. I really need to get back on track.
I am physically exhausted too.
I am bummed. Rahhs!

Conceptual photography is beyond words. Awesomeness.

There are no stupid answers, just stupid people. Taken from Mr Garrison from South Park :)

This deranged world is infested with so many stupid people. It seems like the world is without form, and just.. void.

2007-03-17T12:11:00.000+08:00

This is kinda cheesy but it sort of warmed my heart. ~~Geez, I think I'm getting lamer.~~ Hahaha.

2007-03-13T12:24:00.001+08:00

I am surrounded by IDIOTS. Idiots revolve around me, saying that we suck. We.. suck? Please. Look at the mirror first. Even the mirror tries not to look back at you. And.. what??!! You guys even use profanity to insult our school? LOL. Do you have manners? Being polite is a virtue you know. Guess you weren't taught properly when you were younger. Yeah, at certain fields, we admit that we suck. But hey, we're still better than you afterall and overall. And oh yeah.. we don't use profanity. We have manners. We're not those people-who-are-rejected-from-the-society. I find those mockings about our school rather preposterous. Its like, 95% of those mockings contain profanity. And those blogs are filled with sad notes, as if you're gonna commit suicide or something. That makes me SICK. Look, SICK. Like, can't you guys do any better? Why don't you try writing something useful and worth reading instead of posting those depressing notes (with profanity) about how miserable your life is and complaints about the people around you. But.. wait. You people can't even try because you're not even capable of trying.

Uh-huh. We suck. Prove it to us that you don't suck and I'll give you a cookie. Write something more insulting about us and perhaps I'll salute you for that instead of posting those lame steoreotype phrase 'Eww.. You suck..' Even I get bored of it. Post more sarcastic remarks about us. Go ahead. I want to see something which is worth my time. And oh yeah, no broken engRish please. We cannot tolerate that. Only you can tolerate such engRish I reckon ;)

Apart from that, I've found out that you guys are prone to acting cute. Such a goosy act. Like, what?! Poking your cheeks and making your eyes REAL HUGE or pouting (like a dumb goldfish suffocating) or giving that stupid innocent look and you'll receive cheesy comments? You even label yourself like Kawaii, Princess ChioBu and the list goes on. How dopy can that be? OMG. Make a fool out of yourself and the world shall laugh with you. Stop that barbaric act, it's an eye sore you know? A blog is a shared on-line journal where people can post daily entries about their personal experiences and hobbies. And not merely posting self camwhore pictures and making people lose their eyeballs. If you want to do so, go and do it in Friendster or something where you can create multiple accounts and even hold beauty competitions.

If you were to start comparing our academic or co-curricular results with yours (since you love doing this and you're calling us KIASU instead), it's like you're comparing a phoenix and a chicken or perhaps a dragon and a worm. Go have some cow sense. It's like seperti ~~syurga dengan neraka~~ bumi dengan langit (like the earth and the sky) which means different in every conceivable way. And I'm pretty much sure that you don't like to lick your wounds, huh? Nobody likes to lose. And nobody likes to be mocked or given a slap or sarcasm on their face :)

They say that your enemy is your best friend because your enemy knows where are your weaknesses and they'll definitely point it out.

I don't really like being sarcastic but don't push me. Be nice to me and I'll be very nice to you. Be harsh to me and ~~I'll chop off your limbs off and set fire to your house as I watch you try and crawl out from the flaming building with those bloodied stumps of yours. LOL!~~ Perhaps I'll get a little nasty then.

~~Hope you're dejected. Muahahahah. LOL! The evil side of me is dominationg over me. HAHA.~~

:)

2007-02-28T14:44:00.001+08:00

Due to some reasons, I might be shutting this blog down. Unfortunately, I do not have the time and the thoughts to blog anymore. Alas, I have decided to come up with a solution - to shut this blog down. However, this decision is still in consideration. I am still having second thoughts. It is hard to keep your feet on the ground when things start to change all of a sudden.

If things are improving in the near future, this plan will not materialize (hopefully..I would be heavyhearted if I were to leave this blog) My blog is merely 1 year and 5 months old and I don't think I want to abandon all the memories I have left behind.

Anyway, let's keep our fingers crossed as all these are just ambiguous thoughts. =)

2007-02-08T18:55:00.001+08:00

I'm seriously going to lose my mind (in a few seconds' time). I do not know what the heck is wrong with me these days! Hopefully this doesn't lead me to depression. I'm not exaggerating, anyway. Sometimes I'm so furious about myself. I do not know what to do, and yet I keep blaming myself for all the mistakes that I have done. I should have think twice before making decisions! And now.. it's no point crying over spilt milk. Its futile.

OK, this post might sound rather stupid to you, but I really need to spill out the beans before I go mad. I have practically nothing good to blog about. So many things are already driving me nuts and I don't want my condition to worsen. I need...to unwind from the hustle and bustle of EVERYTHING. Things just don't seem to fall in place. I am rather bored of the same-old-stereotype kind of situation. Things don't work out for me. And my life right now is like a song with super messed up lyrics. Everything is.. upside down! Life is halfway screwed up. Sigh~ I'm desperate for a change? But then.. why would I wait for something that seems to be out of my reach?

Frankly speaking, I am JADED. Feeling all worn-out here. So weary in the inside. And the damn music player is making things worse by playing sad songs (its in a random mode). Music player.. a psychic who has super clairvoyance? Ridiculous. I am here comforting and consoling myself, but the music player is inducing me to be depressed. Nevermind. Shall switch to happy songs to brighten things up a little. Somewhat troublesome, but nevermind, I'll do it for the sake of myself before I go cuckoo (I'm already on the verge of going loco).

................ And here I am, blogging to voice out everything. Makes me feel a better though it doesn't help much.

Some people are rather offended by my sarcasm and sarcastic remarks. I don't mean to be sarcastic but sometimes... I do not like it too as others might think that I'm cold blooded and they would be ignorant towards me. I hate ignorance. Ignorance isn't bliss at all. But sometimes, I have to give sarcastic and point blank remarks because some people are just freaking stupid. They seriously need a slap of sarcasm on their face!

I don't like to be busy. I rather slack at home, do nothing and just stay in front of the television and computer all day long. I don't want to be bothered by anything that is causing me misery. For instance, assignments, projects, orientation and homework. They are my nemesis.

I need silence. I want to sink in the deafening silence.

Que Sera Sera.. whatever may be, may be.

2007-01-28T09:39:00.001+08:00

How Great is our God!

The splendor of the King,
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice,
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in light,
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at his voice,
And trembles at his voice

CHORUS(1):
How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

VERSE(2):
Age to age he stands
And time is in His Hands
Beginning and the End,
Beginning and the End
The Godhead, Three in one
Father, Spirit, Son
The Lion and the Lamb,
The Lion and the Lamb

CHORUS(1):
How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

CHORUS(2)
Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing how great
Is our God
(x2)

CHORUS(1):
How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

CHORUS(1):
How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

This song touched me in a way that makes me more and more thankful for His wonderful love and His abundant grace everyday. Age to age He stands,and time is His hands, beginning and the end-- it just speaks to my soul. Seriously though, how awesome is God, it is just the best thing ever to have Him as your Personal Saviour. =)

2007-01-20T22:08:00.001+08:00

I am hungry. Hungry for more dramas. Am deprived.
LOL~

Pick of the month~~ ^.^

Princess Hours/Goong
This show was great, but not too great. In the beginning the story went pretty well but it started to get a little draggy in the middle. I loved the red-letter scenes. How I wished I was Chae-Kyung. Hahaha. Guess I should just stop creating mirages and stop clouding myself with illusions which are out of my reach. The characters were well-portrayed in this drama. Not too great, but it was great, anyway (draggy parts aside). The OSTS were supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. =))

The Internet connection is still as sluggish. It takes forever to download. Drat ~~DAMN~~ it!!!!!!!!!

Oh, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. 2007 would be slightly better, I reckon? Hopefully..

2007-01-13T21:26:00.000+08:00

Bwarh. I'm too lazy to write my year-end preview, so please pardon me. Life is so tough at times till I don't know how to cope. I'm weary in the inside =( Don't wanna go through the details of it. I've just started fansubbing and heck, it was much more difficult than what I expected. It gets pretty annoying when my the file (which I'm working on) vanishes and I have to edit/time the subs again, starting from the beginning! I'm on the verge of going insane if this continues to happen. Booooo~

Pleasant music to the ears * (Note : Listen this song, understand the lyrics and please ignore the 'lying naked on the floor' part. It doesn't apply to ME, obviously. Jerky thoughts aside, PLEASE. You don't wanna sound like retard, okay.)

This the link http://emptysoul.imeem.com/music/SQfveBb7/natalie_imbruglia_torn/

I couldn't post the media payer here cos Blogger doesn't allow me to do so. Am miffed. Looks like they have prejudice on me. RAHHHHH. Boycotting? Perhaps so. /gg

I hate sport practices. Bummer! It's compulsory. I don't wanna get detained in the disciplinary room. Dang!

Heck, this is getting out of topic. Bother not.

One day, the body asked the heart. When I’m hurt the doctor heals it, but if you’re hurt then who will heal you? Then the heart said, I have to heal by myself. Is it because of that whenever someone is hurt they have their own special way of healing it?

Think about it. =)

2007-01-06T20:15:00.001+08:00

School life is hectic! Have to get used to it. Thankfully, most of the 3B-ians are in 4S. Awesome! And the.... teachers? Merely mediocre. Somewhat depressing though but over all, it's OK, I reckon. The battle finally begins. This is just the beginning. My new year resolutions (I hope I will keep track of them) are listed as below:

To excel in every school subject. This is a MUST! I've made a pact with myself. By hook or by crook I have and got to improve on my studies. No more empty promises. (I hope)
To be more hardworking. No more procrastinating!
To persevere in whatever I do.
In everything I do, I must do it full-heartedly and not adamantly.
To be stronger, physically and mentally.
To accept the things which I can't change. I shouldn't focus on other people's shortcomings.
To be more mature, spritually and also mentally.
Learn to love and appreciate myself more and not to focus on my flaws entirely.
To love others more mainly my friends, my family and practically everyone around me.

And so much more. Bla.

Shall write my year-end preview sooner. And frankly speaking, I have a nemesis (specially quoted from Rosabel ^^) - Physics that is. RAHHH.

2007-01-01T17:54:00.001+08:00

I don't think I would ever love someone again. It's painful, ek? One sided relationships are tiring. I'm jaded =/

There was a time when the love I felt revolved around flying high and feeling lost in the cloud as you floated in a state of blissful unawareness. A time when nothing in the world mattered and every dying rose was unaccounted for simply because you were constantly replacing them with the new ones as a matter of perspective.

I remember that time. I like living in that time of my life. Life was good. But as the cliche goes, all good things must come to an end. One way or another, you're going to find yourself either grounded to love or have it float away to nowhere.

Of course, people do tend to mix up being in a grounded relationship and being in a dying relationship, but it's not really hard to work out the differences there. You don't really cry that much and wonder why you put up with the relationship when you're grounded. You're just happy, you're not giddy enough to fall off the cliff, you know where you're going, you know what you're doing and most importantly you why you're doing it.

"To be content to be thought foolish and stupid in regard to things" best sums up to be in a grounded relationship. Love should have the desire to do stupid and pointless things. It means we know just how much consequence we have to pay for the ones we love that they are worth the things we are crazy for.

So here's to those of us who have walked hand in hand with the ones we love, knowing that the future isn't really built on the fairy tale ideas of love. Here is to those of us who know that with anything in life, the best things aren't about feeling like you're on top of the world, but the single step moments as both of you take to reach for the sky and know perfectly well you're not going to plummet to the ground the moment you realise there is nothing there to hold you up.

I really need to learn to love myself.... I really do.

2006-12-20T14:48:00.001+08:00

The anatomy of thoughts. I shall rant it here. Loudly.

What if someone assumes that you give up without even trying?

I've always try to reach goals I know that are impractical and out of my reach. That happens to be no secret anymore. I push and push and push until they would probably have to redefine the limits of human boundaries just so they can accomodate me as still being human. Then suddenly, I woke up and realized that of all the times I pushed myself to be, I ended up pushing myself farther away from me goals.

It's in that "trying too hard" that I end up sabotaging my own efforts with self doubt and questioning, I reckon. The more I try to be perfect, the more I'm furious about myself. So I've stopped. I stopped trying because the bulk of our results aren't in the plans we make in life. Life is that unpredictable that even if we have plans for everything as I did, we wouldn't have the time nor the energy to put make them into fall into places.

Our failures depends entirely on our capability to handle and overcome the situation of the moment. They are the steps in while you put forth for the path of journey ahead of you. If you can't even pay attention to where and how walk you're walking, you can never expect to finish that final leg of your journey while running, for sure.

So maybe what I'm doing isn't exactly giving up (I suppose), it's just me trying to put the present into something practical and can be done now instead of clouding myself with improbably possibilities and mirages that are hallucinations which I will never achieve in the future.

:)

2006-12-16T22:12:00.001+08:00

YouthQuake IV totally rocked! I don't think I would be able to stop blogging about it in 10 years time. I miss my tribe (Yakobus! Go to east, go to west, YAKOBUS is still the BEST! *cheers*) members, the praise and worship, the crazy moments and of course, the obstacle courses! And yeah, it left a deep impact in my life and I'm super super thankful. Sigh, YouthQuake V will be in 4 years time, I reckon :(( Nevermind, I'm sure that everyone will be waiting in great anticipation for this camp ;)

Some mundane yet interesting incidents that happened for the past few days :
1. My computer got strucked by lightning on that faithful day! As lame as it sounds. Heck, my dad had to pay a whooping 500 bucks to fix that stupid CPU. I had to survive without computer for a week. And, guess what, I had to depend on my piano (*plays Coldplay's 'The Scientist' [yeah that saddening song:(] and starts mourning*) and my TV to ease my boredom. [hehe]

2. The 3S thing is really killing my sanity. Jeez. Had been SLEEPING, SLACKING AND SNACKING lately. Adding up the pounds. Dang, this isn't good :((

3. Been dragging one's heels like giler! Argh, I wonder why I keep procrastinating.

Oh well, procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday :))

2006-12-15T14:45:00.000+08:00

For years and years procrastination has been a bad trait, weeded out by self help books and generally been associated with laziness. In my opinion, procrastination can be quite an honorable trait and even bring you fame and fortune.

Un-thought of by many, procrastination has one good point, and this point is what brings the power to the art of procrastination. The point is "What do you do when you procrastinate?" Have you ever thought about this? Hmm?

Care for an example, I like to consider myself the best at procrastinating. If I do not want to do something like doing the household chores, I work on my blog. If I do not want to do work that I really need done, I work on my blog. If I hate doing something, 9 times out of 10 I will procrastinate by working on my blog. It is quite common that you will have an activity that you will always resort to when you are procrastinating.

When you procrastinate, you can brainstorm how to use this to your advantage. If you are anything like me, you will procrastinate and avoid doing the boring brainstorming task at hand. (I find myself working on my blog again). I suddenly decided to allow myself to procrastinate - I did nothing but working on my blog.

One would tend to think that constantly allowing yourself to procrastinate would produce no results. After all the hours I spent working on my blog, a passion for photoshopping [hehehehehe...] formed.

For you to be the best at something, you need 2 things. A desire to do it and the time to change your desire into reality. When you procrastinate, you do what you want for as long as you want. This provides the perfect situation for you to be the best.

Forget looking for something to be good at, use what you learn from procrastination to your advantage :))

2006-12-05T14:50:00.000+08:00

Men and women all have habits they can’t seem to give up until the day they die. Men have swallows sitting in their hearts. And women have fantasies about love.

So they continue to wander around confused in their search for love without having the faintest idea who their true soul mate is. Each dreaming of their own fantasies, they say cynically, “Thanks, but no thanks!” Creating mirages without substance, they become heartbroken chasing after something that is not real. So they think happiness only belongs to others.

Most people probably have experienced at one time or another, searching for a pencil all over their house, only to discover they had been holding it in their hand all the while.The simple truth is that both love and happiness are found right beside you, right in your heart. It wants to say that if you discard your superficial defenses, just a little, you too can become happy.

Euphoria is a great feeling but it depends on you. Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you :)

2006-12-01T23:29:00.000+08:00

I'm shaken. I'm stirred. I'm blown away. Blue eyes are spellbinding, indeed. :)

Enough said.

Sounds familiar? Go figure(:

2006-11-20T13:18:00.001+08:00

I've found my new best friend, Adobe Photoshop CS2, and it's working purrr-fectly. My efforts were finally paid off despite the prodigious hassle. I was quite miffed yesterday because I couldn't get the artworks right. Well, after several attempts, things finally worked out. Nonetheless, I was pretty satisfied with my artwork (as I did it in the wee hours of the morning). BUT....what's the use of feeling contented anyway? My worst nightmare came true. My beautifully awe-inspired artwork....disappeared. It vanished! How and why? No idea. It got me fuming and I really felt like kicking my stupid computer at that particular moment. But uhm yeah, anger management. Felt slightly better afterwards.

I love to see my so-called avid readers waiting in great anticipation for my next post. Hahaha. This is utterly..amusing! Okay, enough of ramblings.

Voila....!

Do give your two cents about this. Comments much appreciated! (:

2006-11-14T21:18:00.000+08:00

A brief peep of my dearest computer :

Cute frog, eh? Perseverance and determination, are all you need, to achieve your goals and succeed. Mwahaha =) It's been weird these days that my thoughts are blocked and it doesn't seem to flow endlessly. Despite the fact that I can't seem to express my thoughts through alphabets and words, I shall evince my multitudinous feelings, euphoria and dysphoria, through soulful music and art. I shall post up some artwork sooner or later. A concise part of one particular song that perfectly describes my current position :

'You found me, when no one else was looking'

Haven't been designing blogskins lately. Couldn't get any inspiration. Apart from that, I'm also jam packed with stupid assignments. The pile of assignments are stacked up in front of me like a mountain. Geez >.<
Ah. This doesn't belong to me. It belongs to a friend of mine who is incredibly good in music. The piano can actually decipher what I am trying to express. I made a promise to myself that I'll buy myself a grand piano with all my sweat and blood when I'm working. Hahahah.

Jeng Jeng Jeng! Smoking Smokie. Taddaa!

Cute, ain't she? Look at her chubby face and her lovely fur. So huggable! Hehe. But lo and behold, for the next picture :

Big difference, I reckon. Her face is much much sharper compared to her baby picture.

Smokie's on cloud nine when she sees this. Kwa Kwa >.<