bittersweet

yesterday had a family gathering. had so much fun. that day we were suppose to pick the names, then buy something for the person. the person was supposed to guess who bought for he/she himself/herself. had steambot. took pictures. had fun. had laughs. had a good time. it was really fun. i miss the fun. next meeting will be on chinese new year. enjoyed myself thoroughly.

i guess it is fated that we are meant not to be one. we are destined to be friends. i dont know what he is thinking. probably he has forgotten me. but at least he regonzies my existence. maybe it was not me. perhaps so. putting high hopes. thinking too much. i guess i was wrong. i dont know whats up with me. i feel sad. i am stucked between the line of 'yes' and 'no'. i dont know. im floating to nowhere. i have to learn to let go. i dont know. im stuck. people tell me not to give up. i dont know what should i do. but the past is the past. it is over. should i wait patiently? he doesnt know a single thing bout me. we hardly chat. we hardly talk. i dont want to drum into him. im afraid he will ignore me. then, things will get terribly worse. i dont want this thing to happen. but i cant wait any longer. if i just wait patiently, i think i am a fool. so fuddy-duddy. waiting for something to happen which is impossible? i think destiny answers it. i should leave everything to God. i dont know what to choose. i dont wanna regret my decision. maybe i should just let things go and move on with my life. i guess that is impossible. it will never happen. so i guess i should just stop thinking too much. sighs. i should give up...