Are we all living two lives simultaneously?

This is something which we have been asking ourselves for a long time, and till now we still cannot find a definite answer to that question. Who said it was easy? It wasn't easy, after all. One reflects our identity, which is also a part of our conscience. The other one, which speaks our heart's longings. Both lives contradict. We feel as if we are having split personalities ; the only thing that is different is that we are aware of what is going on in reality.

I've always been fickle-minded, regardless of tiny matters or big matters, ranging from what to wear to church to decisions of what I am going to pursue further after high school. As a perfectionist, I was often frustrated with myself for not being firm enough to make the right decisions on the spot. Then, paranoia starts to get a tight grip of me and negative thoughts start clouding my vision, and the fear of making the wrong decision begins to overwhelm me. Even picking a simply clothing, to match with accessories and shoes can be tedious.

Living two lives at the same is indeed wearisome, because eventually you'll get jaded somehow, and that is when you start to search for the real you, as in, not being affected with the people around you, and the influences to fit into the society. It can get pretty depressing, I've been through that before. Struggling with identity crisis was never my intention, and of course, I never saw it coming. Sometimes, you get too caught up with the world that revolves around you, people with their movements, people with their endless verbalizations, till you start to follow them subconsciously.

Where is the originality that you're born with?

That is the question that keeps ringing inside our mind. There is always a hypocritical side in us, including you and me. It's undeniable that we are afraid of dejection, so we tend to blend in the crowd just for the sake of recognition from other people. Or at times, we choose to come to a consensus of agreeing with everybody on a particular matter. We choose the latter, of not begging to differ, we choose to keep mum. The ugly truth is that we are all living in denial.After all we're always giving excuses to defend our actions, because being alone is something we all humans dread of.

How long can we conceal our real feelings/motives?

Not forever, obviously. Sooner or later you'll get tired of agreeing/disagreeing with the crowd, again and again. It becomes a routine, so ho-hum, because the entire cycle is repeating itself again. Everyone wants to speak up for themselves - to have a mind of their own,to have a special personality, to have their own two cents about anything and also to have their own point of views. Everybody is entitled to their own opinions, its just that some are facts and some are craps.

The trick is to be combative, and be logical to come up with constructive comments ; not stupid ones. Coming up with stupid comments will only put you into embarrassment, and you will be labelled as a total dumb ass who needs a brain extraction. Sarcasm is optional, but bear in mind that it is not the only arrow in the quiver. Of course, sarcasm is usually a sting to the receiving end, but remember that one sarcastic remark can end in great conversations and also start disputes. We shouldn't engage ourselves in sophistry for the sake of keeping others in line with our thinking, and also, we shouldn't be so gullible and credulous when it comes to believing who's right and who isn't.

Stand up for what is right and muster every ounce of confidence. When you're brave enough to speak up when everyone doesn't, it makes perfect sense that you are special, and you are worthy to be respected and also to be looked up to.

Because after all, you're the only one shining in the limelight, when other's don't :)