There will be a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

But I've not seen mine yet.

Things are still the same, unchanging. I no longer have the strength to carry on. Countless times I've tried consoling and comforting myself, but I am just barely hanging on. Feeling dejected, I do not know whether to continue or to just call it a day, and start everything anew. Hope is what I'm trying to keep alive at the moment, and the reason why I'm still believing and clinging to hope is because of Him, sustaining me all these while, through thick and thin.

Faith is the primary reason I'm trying to keep the fire burning. I don't want it to die down. I'm still waiting, wishing and hoping that things will change. Waiting can be really burdensome at times. I can't help but feeling weary for everything that had happened in my life. I doubt the future. It terrifies me so much.

Or so, maybe I should tell myself, that I'm just jaded. That's all. I don't need a reality check, either.

It's hurting me. The pain becomes too agonizing till I feel nothing but just numbness.

He's being used, and I'm feeling the pain. He's changing to someone whom I do not know at all. I feel as if I'm pushed aside, tossed and turned, neglected and thrown aside. I know his intentions. The reason he's trying to endure this is because of us, but should we just put a stop to all this, and just start everything, from the beginning again? I hate his stupidity, but I'm trying to understand his predicament. Perhaps he's still cleaving to hope. I don't blame him. But it becomes so difficult when I keep clinging on to hope and at the same time I am on the verge of giving up.

Right now, I pray that God will grant me the courage and strength to move on, despite of the unforeseen circumstances. You are my only confidant. Help me to face the calamities and conundrums of life. Make the pain bearable and give me peace in my heart. Keep me, believing, for Your plans never fail. I've held on for 3 years, and I'm still believing.

Rain or shine, I would still continue to look for that pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

When, how, I pretty much have no idea, but one thing I'm sure is that,

I'll be waiting.