I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time.

Every Little Thing - Dishwalla.

Living in someone else's shadows is something I dread of. And I've realised that I actually got myself in that state a few years ago. I used to be the quiet, timid, girl whom I once knew, when I looked into the mirror, but, all has changed.

The smell of familiarity.

It wasn't what I expected that it would turned out to be me. Of all these years, I'm glad that I've been through thick and thin, and I've learned to depend on God, and also myself in times of despair and hardships. I'm not emotional, anymore, except for things that concern about my loved ones, griefs, etc.

Of course, life has its own turmoils and conundrums. C'est La Vie, my friend. Whether rainy days, or sunshine days, I'm still glad. I'm glad that I've been there, done that, and over with it. The feeling of accomplishment. Simply overwhelming.

At night, I ponder on, I go into deep thoughts, reflecting my actions in the present, and also the past. As I lay my head on the pillow, memories of the past keep flashing in my mind. Trivial things. There are times that I get too 'lost' into thoughts, that I find it hard to escape from it.

Insomnia. That's right.

I become too engrossed with memories, till I can't sleep.

I try to jot everything I do in my head, to get something to be written here in my blog, hopefully, and also to share my experiences and have weird conversations with my friends.

It's funny how I used to be so emotional. I cried for all my ex-boyfriends. They did not jilt me, for goodness sake! Heck, no! It was the heavyheartedness of letting go something which you are so committed to, and yet you have no other options but to call it quits because its pointless continuing a relationship where things aren't working.

When I was reflecting my past with my friend, she told me that I was practically sobbing on the phone, when I broke up with my exes.

I was stunned, for a moment. And I just burst into a ingenious chuckle.

Me? That emotional? You've got be pulling my leg, seriously!

I hardly get emo these days. I tease my friends for being emo, of course, not when they're emo or having mood swings, or else I would be a punching bag specially for sadists. That's why my friends are all dying to see me emotional. That will not happen, so talk to the hand, yo! XD

Well, I'm thankful for all that has happened to me, after all. I've finally emerged from my humble abode into something that I never expected to be.

Seems to good to be true.

There are times where my flaws and mistakes are magnified and scrutinized when I speak up for myself. If people are unhappy when I point out to the imperfections, lets say, a certain system, it simply means that they're not willing to listen to constructive criticism. Immature. And nerve-wrenching.

This is what you call boldness with feminine charm of a quintessential woman. Yes, yes, self-praise is no praise, but I'm saying this, generally, to all the woman out there who are brave enough to speak up for others, and also for the better good of the nation.

I'm happy of what I've become, at last. I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time, but then I can never change myself. If you love me, then love me for who I am, and not the pretense of portraying someone else.

I'm excited for tomorrow. What tomorrow holds for me, I may not know, but I'm pretty much excited for tomorrow's mysterious surprises.

Good, or bad.

May it be.