ill.

I'm having a terrible flu, and it has made my nose bloody red. My throat hurts like there's fire burning in it. Excruciating and agonizing. Thank God that I'm better today. Praise Him. Amen. When you are feeling all sick and ill, you start to think about the bad times. When a sad love song plays on your computer, the atmosphere turns melancholic and exanimate. And you start to sob quiescently. I'm feeling heavyhearted today, in the inside and the outside. But I believe that this kind of situation ain't going to stick with me forever. All I need is time to heal the ugly scar. Even though scars are meant to stay, I believe that the Lord will take it away. 1 year has passed, and I still couldn't let go of the past. The journey isn't easy. Although the past has hurted me dreadfully, but it isn't easy to forget about the whole thing. I don't care how long it takes or how much it takes to heal my wound. The metamorphosis of Joanne into someone who is wiling to let go of the past. I can do it. Oh yeah. Jesus's in me. Praise be to God. Hallelujah.

From my window, I see the torrential rain pelting down heavily upon the earth. This is no ordinary equatorial spell of rain. Unlike most rainy days where dark looming clouds cover the sky and a dreary atmosphere descends upon the earth, today is different. The sun is ablaze, perched high above the cloudless azure blue sky.
This spectacular displays births strong urges from within me to explore it. With heady impulse, I drop my book. I abandon the warm and cozy comfort of my house and run outdoors.
With head titled up heavenward and arms outstretched, I bare my face to the strong powerful raindrops. My entire body is drenched by the unrelentless rain. It is pure exhilaration!
Still dripping wet, an incredible sense of being totally cleansed hovers over me. My heart breaks out in song. Praise and thanksgiving overflows from my lips. Joy surges from within me. An explicable exuberance pours forth!
I am - totally washed of sin. Cleansed as white as snow.
I am - made anew. Reborn. Quickened.
This is what it takes to be cleansed by the blood of Jesus. A certain recklessness. An abandoning of your past. A foolishness. An instantaneous and spontaneous response.
And what joy, what splendour, what delight to be in the courts of the Most Magnificient King!

' As the deer pants for the streams of whater, so my soul pants for you, o God.' Psalm 42:1

salvation lives in me.

Oh yeah. Salvation is here and it lives in me. I found all my answers in Jesus and I belong to His wonderful kingdom. He has set me free, and He has saved me. I live for Him alone. I know my God saved the day. He is really an awesome God.

I know nobody loves me. I ain't pretty, cute or whatsoever. I tried my best to change my attitude but I feel uncomfortable with it. But there's one person who loves me very much, He doesnt care whether you are black, white or purple. He is definitely Jesus. Jesus is love. Love is Jesus. And I love Him too. I'm feeling bittersweet and crabby today, and I do not know why. Everything seems so perfect, and you feel rotten inside for no reason. Sounds pretty strange. But this is what I am experiencing right now. The pain is healed but the scar stays. Why are scars meant to stay? The past hurted me execrably. I cried a million drops of tears, and now I still do. The past is the past, but I just couldnt let go of it. The past was acidulous. I tried to go on like nothing happened. I thought I could but I realised I couldn't. Time will heal the scar. I believe so. God knows exactly what I am feeling right now, and He will guide me.

Okay, talking about my side. I am in love with My Name is Kim Sam Soon (MNIKSS). You guys know how much i adore korean dramas. I fell in love with Hyun Bin. O goshd, he is super duperly good looking. My undying love for him will never cease. Okay, my mind is a little off today. Forgive me peeps. =

devoid.

I'm sitting right here, in front of my computer, writing my thoughts and feelings on my beloved blog. I haven't been blogging since forever. I apologise to all my loyal readers out there. This week has been an exhausting week. I have got tons of projects and homework to do. I am totally clueless about it, and I do not know where and how to start. It gives me a headache. It really does. With all these pressure and stress around me, I do not know whether I can cope because everything seems so tough and difficult. The problems which I am facing doesn't seem to get any better. It just stays, it doesn't leave me and it bothers me every second. I worry everyday, because I do not know what is ahead of me. I'm not a gypsy woman, who predicts the future by touching the crystal ball. Besides that, I don't believe in that. Sounds silly and featherbrained.

I'm a person devoid of self-esteem and confidence. Apart from that, I'm also a pessimist who often thinks on the negative side. Many people say i worry too much, and I admit that. At times they repeat this matter a hundred and one times, and that is friggin irritating and tedious. Yeah, i worry a lot. Does that bother you? I know I'm not-so-smart after all. Some people enjoy teasing me about my stupidity. When I'm in a good mood, I'll laugh with them and I'll forget about it. But when I'm in an extremely bad mood, they know that doomsday's here, and they can never escape. Well, I don't sound that scary. It is perfectly normal for people to get angry much faster when they are in a bad mood. And then, the gossips spreads around, from mouth to mouth, that you are super hot-tempered/ siu hei (cantonese). I don't really bother much about what people say about me, because the most important thing is to trust and believe yourself. The person whom you can trust most is definitely yourself, and not others. You might think that I'm self-centered. Wait till you experience the unexpected. I have trusted the wrong person, and my secrets weren't secrets anymore. I'm embarassed. I was a fool before, and now I'm not. Since they never treated me as friends, why should I treat them as my best friends? Why should I tell them my secrets? These people are boneheaded. They wanted to know all my secrets, and when i didn't feel like telling them, they put on a long face. And me, being dullard, spilled the beans to them. And i ended up crying at home and blaming myself for being cloddish, because I trusted the wrong person. From now on, I will only have six people on my mind, whom i really really trust. They were there when I needed them. They never abandoned me. Instead, they were there for me all the time. A great shoulder to lean on. I appreciate you guys. Thank you for being such good listeners. We will always be friends. Our friendship is like a circle, never ending, never going to stop. I love you guys so much.

Jesus, thanks for being such a lovely friend. A truely understanding friend. My best friend ever.
Khai Weng, thanks for all the comforting words. You were there for me when my whole world was about to crumble. I love you so much, brother!
Patricia, thanks for lending a hand when i needed help. You were such a good shoulder to lean on. You are such a good friend!
Esther, sorry for what i have done to you in the past. Thank you so much for forgiving me. I didn't expect you to forgive me, and now, I'm glad to have such a caring and affectionate friend. Love you to bits.
Rosabel, thanks for everything. Thanks for all your advices. Each time when I felt like breaking down, you were there to comfort me. Thanks for all the sweet and encouraging words. And also thanks for all the presents you gave me for my birthday(s) since primary school. Hugs!
Vanaja, you are such a patient and outstanding friend. Thank you for all those warm and tender words. You are such a great friend to me. I will always be there for you girl. Love you.

These are my six friends whom I will treasure them forever. I love them deeply from the bottom of my heart. I will be there for them. I truly appreciate you guys. Thank You Lord for giving me such warm-hearted friends. I'm indeed blessed. You guys are the creme de la creme in my heart! Mwakkkkkks! <3