There's nothing wrong in wishful reveries - but when greed comes in, everything can fall apart. It seeps, sinks and penetrates into your soul. And guilt engulfs you. It pulls you into a dark, black hole that seems so hollow and void. You try really hard to escape, like an exodus, but you're alone.

For some reasons I appreciate silence. I like drowning myself in silence. So silent that I'm able to hear the deafening sound of silence. And, solitude. When I'm all alone, I don't seem to care about the world, the people around me, I just seem to breeze through. I couldn't be bothered about the worldly matters. There's just too much to think of. Every hurdle I face has a connection. It comes, one after another. But somehow, in times like these, I seem to have..

Faith and Hope budding in me.

Hardship and obstacles are always there, at every corner. They barge into my life, choke me till I can't breathe. Not even an ounce of breath. But, there is always a part of me that firmly believes that someday, things will get certainly better, well, its just time that matters. The best thing is bound and yet to happen, like a rendezvous.

And when you feel like a bird with broken wings, don't count on others but God and yourself. Mend your broken wings and..

Fly away.

I've been having weird cravings lately, probably due to the hormones. I've been craving for food ranging from Dunkin Doughnuts, Tom Yam Steamboat, Teppanyaki, Bar.BBQ.Plaza's grilled pork and McDonalds. Rosie said I'm pregnant. STUPIDnyaaaa. Well, obviously I'm not pregnant lah (I STILL HAVE MY PERIOD LA OKAY, CLEAR?)and don't ever think of it cos its totally insensible and nor would I have premarital sex before marriage. That's really a dumb thing to do.. and yet so many girls in this world are blurred by the cloud of love till they don't know what they're actually doing. Seems like Rosabel does not have the ability to think rationally. I know I'm crapping here so please excuse me =D Oh well. Haha.

I think I've put on a little weight. Whatever.. -.-|| In my previous posts I said that I wanted to shed some pounds. But... sigh, look what I've done. Snacking non stop. The aftermath of a food frenzy event totally sucks cos guilt starts to eat you up and you know you can't do anything. Not like you're gonna regurgitate all the food you've just eaten. Eww-ness. My plan of losing some fats shedding some pounds did not materialize. Wait..it did, actually, about a few days. Hangat-hangat tahi ayam lar. It's so hard to kick the habit.

Old habits die hard. Sigh!

The Verdict..

1. SMK Convent Bukit Nanas
2. SMK Kepong Baru
3. SMK Victoria
4. SMK Wangsa Melawati
5. SMK Seri Sentosa

First and foremost, I want to thank God for clearing all my doubts and worries on that particular day. I knew He was near me, guiding us all the while. Without Him, we are not what we are today. Once again, praise Him for all good things. Faith is indeed believing what God says is more real than what I see.

I was rooting for my school to win this choir competition but then, yeah, we got the first runner up. So near and yet so far. Well, I felt kinda bittersweet. More like a myriad of feelings. Happy that we've made through this far. And a bit of bitter and disappointed that we were so close to becoming the champion.

And when everything falls apart, even the people who never frown, would eventually break down.

I can't believe I cried, and I didn't know why I cried, whether I was happy for what we have achieved so far or whether I was sad because we couldn't win. I guess its both. I didn't even know what I was feeling -.-"

PS:It totally sucks to see others rejoicing over victory and you're envious of them that sadness starts to consume you. You don't wanna try how it feels. Seriously.

Its so lame to give someone such high hopes but in the end finally give them a slap of disappointment. Don't you have the bloody common sense to fathom how he/she would have felt, the kind of unbelieving, albeit wonderful feeling of euphoria budding in him at the prospect of such a grand winning?! How can you subject someone to this form of mockery? What? Make someone real happy like a fool in front of your eyes and tell them its merely a joke in the end? You even pretended that nothing happened. Its not funny at all. Stupidest gimmick ever. I am rather embarrassed that you were the culprit behind this. You came out with such a stupid idea which is just plainly nonsensical. This is completely outrageous thinking of your part. Sit down, reflect and revise your own actions. Think of the consequences. And most importantly, think whether its right and sensible. Maybe that "all-too-bright" idea wasn't that bright after all.

If I was that "someone", I would have scratched the car, kick it till it gets dented, smash the windscreen and probably set it on fire, then create a huge explosion and blast it into pieces.

Yeah, yeah, I know I have no rights to judge. Mistakes are not meant to pull you down. But this is just unacceptable. Try putting yourself in his/her shoes and you will know how it feels to be given false hopes in the beginning and then being let down in the end. If you can't decipher it, you're a certified @$$ retard.

Another hurdle is coming up. If I'd were to tell you that I am not fidgeting right here and right now, I would be lying. I'm glad :) Hehe. Lo and behold, we made through the preliminary rounds. And the finals are merely a week away. We're against VI and CBN. Hope we would be able to break some legs and kick some asses :) However, this is just a stepping stone. There's still room for improvement and we really have to work on our expressions. If we look so kayu on the stage, there's a high possibility that the judges might penalise us. And obviously nobody likes it..neither me or you, right?

I would loooooove to post pictures on my blog but dang, there's nothing much I could do rather than to accept the fact that I have a totally obsolete mobile phone and I am too poor to buy myself a technologically savvy and sophisticated mobile phone. Unless if you'd visit my blog more often and Nuffnang would possibly pay me. Ha..ha. Besides, the camera hates me albeit I would love to take pictures with my friends and post the pictures on my blog. But dang, since I'm not photogenic, I have resorted to not taking pictures and posting them here. Ya la, call me what you want, vain or whatever :D

The first moment the CBNers stepped in, the first and foremost impression that crossed my mind was that they look like janitors (familiar?go browse my archives. LOL). Is it me or them? Maybe they really look like janitors. Haha :P But nonetheless, they did a good job. Not too bad actually. But hey, they violated the rules. You are not suppose to have accompaniments other than the piano and the guitar. And they're trying to be smarter by using a tambourine and having solo singers. Hello, we're in a choir competition la dude. So =.=" man..

SSS (Stupid Sakai Suckers) came in like circus performers doing the caterpillar walk. Bwahahah. :D I thought they were pretty good, but their singing was rather peculiar and weird to me. They transposed the whole song and they were singing in A FREAKING HIGH PITCH and it was a perfectly screwed up disaster. Their pitch was totally out. Even the judges said so. But there was something which I was quite impressed - their expressions were really good. I mean, really good. A good try for newbies noobies anyway :)

I found a Sanjaya lookalike too. Hahah :D As usual, kinda gay though =.=

When the results were announced, I was flabbergasted. I stood up and automatically I had the urge to scream. Too bad my choir members were at the back. I was at the front. If not, I would scream with them as well :) Yeah, I'm very syiok sendiri one. Haha :P

About my exam results... @_@ Don't wanna go into it, it's disappointing and freakin' frustrating :(

I think some teachers are absurd. Why do they give so much of assignments, projects and homework? We complain and yet they grumble, saying that they have more work to do. In the first place, they shouldn't stuff us with so much of assignments lah then. I guess what goes around comes around. When they give us more assignments, their workload becomes much heavier, obviously. So why bother giving us so much of projects? I don't see that there's a point in that though :) Frankly speaking, I find some teachers funny. Do they come to school to fulfill their duty as teacher or just to model and to dress to impress? Or probably just work so that they'll eventually get paid, eh? Some teachers (which I refuse to disclose their names) are rather irresponsible (in my opinion), they just switch on their laptop and the projector, and the computer teaches us instead. Notes? Lab reports? Experiments? Worksheets? They expect us to do everything on our own. And sometimes we're too busy till we forget to complete our projects/assignments/bla bla, they blame us without asking. They're jumping into conclusion la obviously! Sigh. I despise them and yet there are an overflowing number of these kind of lazy-and-a-total-sucker-in-English teachers in my school. RETARDED!!

Talking about English, I would definitely laugh and guffaw loudly when some teachers speak broken English. Come on lah, most of the subjects we're learning now are all in English and those teachers can't even speak proper English. I think the students are even more fluent in English. Likewise, my Biology teacher pronounces rough endoplasmic reticulum as raf enduplazmeec wetikuloom. That is defeating the purpose, eh? She has a bachelor of science in education and yet she can't even teach. Holy moley! She uses the laptop instead and whenever we ask her about something we don't understand, she just refers to the reference book. For your information, that is really not helping. And one thing, her slang or whatever accent annoys me. She sounds like a cow speaking German. I could hardly decipher what she's trying to tell me sometimes. Why can't she just make some effort to improve her English? Do it for the sake of the students (and even if you're selfish or whatever, do it for the sake of yourself lah). It's a pathetic sight to see so many of them in my school! And to my school principal, be wise a bit lah. I know we're short of teachers, but you can't just accept every freshman from some unknown universities to our school. I think they're doing more harm than good. What we really need is quality and not quantity. And stop giving long talks/speechs everyday. Our legs hurts like hell when you do that and it's not helping cos we're not listening either.

Ooooookay, enough of ramblings. Lets get a little mundane here :)

It was SL's birthday yesterday, so we went to 1U to celebrate. Watched Blades Of Glory (again!) and kept laughing. Whenever I watch the trailer, I would laugh like some kind of schizo woman. JY belanja-ed pizza and the bill was a whooping 75 bucks! Thanks JY! But nevermind lah, I'll pay you back. We dutch la k? Went bowling and had breakfast there. Haha. Weird it may seem but I was hungry la. So I ate there. During the first few rounds, I scored quite pretty well :D I striked! And at the end I sucked pretty well too. Haha :) And I got second last. Not too bad for an amateur bowler. :D Ai Lynn belanja-ed McD! Thanks Lynn! I think I have a similarity her. We both love shopping but we're broke (Kononnya la. She has so many 50 dollar notes inside her wallet).

And not to mention we had SEVEN type of cakes from Secret Recipe. SEVEN! New York Cheese, Oreo, Chocolate Indulgence, Banana Fudge and so forth. We were stuffed. Ughhhhhhh D: Not to mention that I had a slight tummy ache afterwards. I started working out lately. Hopefully I'll be able to shed and burn some pounds/fats/extra calories and also to grow taller (Ha..ha).

I think window shopping is a waste of time. You can see, you can touch, but you can't buy! What's the point? I can resist fattening foods like McD French Fries but I certainly cannot resist the temptation of shopping. But what to do la. I am a total broke now. I can only mourn and lament here. I saw a pair of pink high heels in XOXO, and I am dying to get it right now. ARGH.. STUPIDITY! Lame la I know. It sucks when you want to buy something you'd really want, and yet you know you can't buy it despite the fact that you're broke and you can't afford it. I often find myself in situations and predicaments like these. And I'll drown myself in reveries and then greed causes everything to fall apart. I wished I was like Micah, who is a technopath, allowing him to "talk" to electrical devices, which gives him control of machines and electronic devices. Like how he managed to dig out some cash from the ATM machine. But.. whatever la. Such an irony to use the word 'whatever'. LOL.

I think camwhoring's fun. Not that kind of camwhoring, where you take pictures of yourself. Camwhoring with friends while doing some kind of stupid goosy pose like hugging the Johnny Depp poster near the cinema would be fun. I hate the fact that I'm not photogenic. But..... nevermind. Perhaps the camera doesn't like me. Nuff said :D

What is the theme of my blog? I don't know seriously. Whenever I feel like writing my past, I do it in my blog. Whenever I'm unhappy with the world and also the people around me, I voice out my point of views in my blog. Whenever I feel like insulting someone, I write all the sarcastic remarks here in my blog. I guess my blog has no theme in particular, it is merely thoughts, undertones, reveries, ramblings and also rantings of a 16 year old bashful(ah? Hah..) schoolgirl.

In my opinion, sarcasm should NOT be used sparingly. It should be used more often. So what if it hurts others? If they didn't hurt/taunt you, you wouldn't be sarcastic to them in the first place, right? Everybody's entitled to their own opinions anyway. Sometimes I need what only idiots can provide : their absence. =)

I suddenly had the urge to blog again. RAWR.

They say, nothing beats the first love. Well, true enough. So I'm going to write my past here. I hardly talk about my private matters here, but I'll just spill some beans about my past since I really feel like blurting it out here. This is going to be cheesy. Ha...ha

My First Love. Petals in the wind.
The moment he asked me, I was dumbfounded. I never expected something like this to happen neither had I expected someone to love and appreciate me for who I am. I couldn't decipher those feelings I felt. Those myriad of feelings are pretty hard to explain. Euphoria was overflowing. I was loved and appreciated. I felt like there were rainbows everywhere, in every part of my life. Life was like rainbows and dandelions. I was enjoying every single second of it.

He never failed to make me smile. He was ever so protective of me. He was caring. He often worries for me. And whenever I'm sad and depressed, he was always there to cheer me up. Once, I fell really ill. So ill that I was unable to get out from bed. And yet, he tried inevitably to make me happy. He would call and SMS me often to see whether I was alright.

I thanked God for giving someone special to me. That special someone was my everything. He was my strength and pillar of hope. Without him, I would be in total darkness. I would be in total oblivion. The love I had for him... was growing everyday. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. From dawn to night I would be thinking of him. I felt that this was like a reverie.

And I can't afford to make this reverie sour. Nothing lasts forever, though. On one faithful day, I bided farewell to him. I finally said goodbye to him. It seemed like our love has dried. Gone. Forever. So I chose this road, and I kept chanting to myself that everything will be OK. I was reluctant to choose this path. I knew I had to stop loving him and I will be able to get over it but not all in one overnight. Perhaps all I needed was time. I took approximately one year to get over him. Frankly speaking, the entire process was agonizing. I would cry to myself and blame myself for choosing this road. How I could I say goodbye to someone whom I love so much? On and off I would regret over this matter. But let bygones be bygones. I've learned to let go of the past and not to dwell in it anymore. Whenever I think of the past, it still hurts me though.

But nothing could ever beat my first love. Not even anyone. He's irreplaceable.

But I'm over with it already. I have moved on >:)