closer to Him

today was kinda tiring. woke up quite early this morning to practice my piano. i didnt practice for 2 weeks already. haha. thank God, she didnt scold me. im considered lucky. wahahaha. smokie freaked me out today. she peed in the house! my mom was like busted. she got so angry until she yelled at me and my brother. i had to mop the floor a couple of times to make sure its clean. my mom and brother wanted to give smokie to SPCA. no!! how can they! i love my smokie so much! dont ever ever take her away..

i thought these holidays were gonna be real boring for me. nothing to fill my time. but i have realised some different changes in me. i realised that i was much closer to Him. i was bothered by these problems. and i concentrated and focused on Him. i realised that everything has changed. im much closer t Him. i have changed to be a mature person. not bragging okay. God is actually helping me through these problems. im glad that im closer with Him. nothing compares the love that He gave for us.

auntie lillian and uncle paul came just now. we just chit chatted. then talked about everything. then we prayed. it was lovely. sweet anointing atmosphere. at that moment i felt peace in my heart. God was there. He was with us all the time. i believe that Jesus do make miracles happen. when you have problems, turn to Jesus. He will definitely help you. concentrate, focus and have faith in Him. no matter what happens in the future, always believe that it is God's will. He decides what is right for us. hence, we must always leave our trust and choice in Him. when we have faith in Him, we are trusting and believing in Him. thus, trust in Him and you shall receive His wonderful blessings. =)

school's starting

school is starting! im in the morning session now. it freaks me out. i cannot even wake up at 8, what about waking up at 6? that would be worse! i hate it when someone wakes me up when im sleeping soundly. it makes me angry and grumpy. HAha. i havent got ready for school yet. i wanna buy a new schoolbag. but i dont think i can. i have no money, and i have no time. just forget bout it. my old schoolbag causes my books to have dog ears. im very fussy. i hate it when my handwriting is too big, or my books are having dog ears. i just dont like it!

things dont seem to go well. i dont know what is going on. according to my instincts, i think that things are starting to change. i guess? my instincts might be wrong. i really really hope that things will change. i dont want this to happen. its too difficult for us. i believe in Him. i trust in Him and i leave my choices unto Him. He will decide what is right for us.

okay, talking bout my other story. i guess i should just stop waiting. i stay unnoticed. i guess the past is the past. what i couldnt change was what i couldnt change anymore. i should stop regretting over what i have done. no point crying over a spilt milk. i dont think there are hopes anymore. probably i was thinking too much. let God decide what is right for me. maybe i was just too happy because he recognizes my existence. what i thought was wrong. i guess i was too perasan. nevermind. i should put things down and stop waiting for something to happen which looks impossible. i should concentrate on my studies and just achieve my best in my academic and just forget bout this whole thing. this thing aint gonna give me good grades. aint gonna do me any good.forget bout it. pretend that nothing happened.

i guess i should let things go...and concentrate more on my studies...

my praises to Him

i was listening to his song, by Travis Cottrell. i kept singing this line 'the power of Your love is changing me, changing me, changing me'. yesterday and today. and now, im still listening to it. i was stucked with this particular line. it kinda touched me. i really want to be a fruitful servant of God. at times when i have done something wrong, i feel very uneasy. then, i repent. i saw the God He Reigns live worship vcd by Hillsong which Samantha gave to me. it was superb. wondering when is Hillsong coming. please come! i really love Hillsong. their songs, the way they play the musical instruments and everything! they are so commited to God. they have a good voice. Darlene is good. im waiting for them to come!

i believe in Jesus. He makes miracles happen. He died for us on the cross. God loved so much that he sent his one and only son to save us. im really touched. when i listen to praise and worship songs, tears began to roll down. last saturday, tears actually rolled down my cheeks when i was praying to God after communion. i sat under the air con. i felt so cold before it. then when i was praying, i felt warm. it was like somebody hugging me. i believe that it is Him. no other than Jesus. im still touched by the song 'here i am to worship/call'. even though i have listened to it several times, but it still touches me. each time i listen to it, it touches me, and my eyes are always moist with tears. God has actually touched me. last year during the Running After Him camp, it kinda gave me a slap. it actually made me realise that it is more that just being a Christian. it made me think for a while. and now, im more commited to Him. praise the Lord! im so happy now. seriously. God has actually changed me. im actually a very childish girl with stupid thoughts last time. i didnt know how was stupid and lame i was. it was kinda embarassing. but now, i have changed to be a better and mature person. hallulejah! im so glad that i am a Christian! i will always keep the fire burning in Christ. i trust in Jesus, my one and only God. Jesus is my provider. He moulds me to be a better person.

~And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world
1 John 4:14

~For the Lord God will help me ; therefore shall i not be confounded: therefore have i set my face like a flint, and i know that i shall not be ashamed.
Isaiah 50:7

im not afraid of circumstances, cos i have already found the answers in Christ! =)

bittersweet

yesterday had a family gathering. had so much fun. that day we were suppose to pick the names, then buy something for the person. the person was supposed to guess who bought for he/she himself/herself. had steambot. took pictures. had fun. had laughs. had a good time. it was really fun. i miss the fun. next meeting will be on chinese new year. enjoyed myself thoroughly.

i guess it is fated that we are meant not to be one. we are destined to be friends. i dont know what he is thinking. probably he has forgotten me. but at least he regonzies my existence. maybe it was not me. perhaps so. putting high hopes. thinking too much. i guess i was wrong. i dont know whats up with me. i feel sad. i am stucked between the line of 'yes' and 'no'. i dont know. im floating to nowhere. i have to learn to let go. i dont know. im stuck. people tell me not to give up. i dont know what should i do. but the past is the past. it is over. should i wait patiently? he doesnt know a single thing bout me. we hardly chat. we hardly talk. i dont want to drum into him. im afraid he will ignore me. then, things will get terribly worse. i dont want this thing to happen. but i cant wait any longer. if i just wait patiently, i think i am a fool. so fuddy-duddy. waiting for something to happen which is impossible? i think destiny answers it. i should leave everything to God. i dont know what to choose. i dont wanna regret my decision. maybe i should just let things go and move on with my life. i guess that is impossible. it will never happen. so i guess i should just stop thinking too much. sighs. i should give up...

love.

what is love? it is a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. then what is infactuation? it is temporary love of an adolescent. we often get mixed up with the word 'infactuation' and 'love'.

love is something which we cannot control. it comes unexpectedly. it happens to anyone. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. love is a special bond between two parties. a feeling which cannot be described. each time when you meet with your crush, you want him/her to have a good impression on you. you will dress up nicely, talk to him/her politely and you will smile sweetly to him/her. well, that is perfectly normal. now, let me write about my so-called fairytale.

i always ask myself, 'does love last forever?'. i seriously dont know the answer for this question. i used to have a crush on someone, whom now is taken. everybody seemed to liked him because he was tall, macho and handsome. all the girls went crazy over him. when i knew that he was taken, my heart was broken. it was shattered into tiny pieces. what can i do? i looked happily in the outside. smiling cheerfully, giggling here and there. but in the inside, i felt hurt and rejected. rejection is like the whole world falling down. my hopes were dead. at that moment i was depressed. i cried over it for days. but now im fully recovered from the past which i have gone through. at first it seemed impossible. but i finally made it through. it was tough forgetting the one i love. i could not let him go. i could not forget the feelings i had for him. it was just too difficult. but i learned to leave everything unto God. take a look at me now, im a total different person. i have learned to put these things down, and thankfully and i am already over with it.

confessions. i wanted to express my feelings to the person whom i had a crush before. but i didnt have the guts. i wasnt brave enough. it is kind of embarassing and humiliating if you actually do that. if lets say he/she turns you down, that is so way humiliating! especially for girls.

im actually stuck right now. teenagers now are like having boyfriends and girlfriends. like a 'trend'. it is like a must have. like you got, i also got. well that kind of thinking is lame. well my parents advised me not to start a relationship right now. because we are still young. we are not mature enough to handle this kind of things, and we might not concentrate on our studies. thus, our studies deteroriate. who wants it to happen like this? definitely nobody.

i wander aimlessly, my white wings outstreched to the edge of the world. all i saw was darkness. hopes dead. shattered in front of my eyes. the tiny bits of it were pierced through my heart. inch by inch, foot by foot,i float closer to nowhere, closer to nothing. a world reveals itself under me, as i observe with lonesome teary eyes. endless it may seem, this empty life was more complete than anything. the illustrious mountain top, with its sprinkle of snow and flurry of forest. emerging from the world beneath my wings, he does not recognize my existence. the mountains stand sedentary, yet tall and proud, his own existence visible. my grasp loosens as i drift further and further to what lies ahead. as time passes by, everything vanished into thin air.

its christmas!

just came back from yum cha. hahaha. had candlelight service in church. then went yum cha. christmas! feeling great. happy and jolly. some people do irritate me. when im not in a good mood, they'll get back twice. so what if im being sarcastic and mean? at least im telling the truth..okay okay, today's christmas. dont wanna spoil my mood with all these people. anyway i'll just pen down my pet-peeves right here.

1.people who boast through problems. eg, 'aiya..why so many people kau me ? why la so many?' it just irritates me when someone says like this! sometimes i give them back because i had enough of these! i feel like telling them 'uhh..whatever..nobody asked you anyway..'

2. people who flirt too much. i just cant stand those lame people out there flirting non stop! is it their past time? i bet that is one of their hobbies. its just so lame. so what if you have a secret admirer? big deal la? sounds so silly and foolish. totally fuddy-duddy. cant they just keep to themself? they are always spreading the news around. and then put on a totally fake 'dillema-tic' expression which is so pathethic.

aiyah..since im in the christmas season, dont wanna talk bout this. i encountered with some kind of creatures who have these type of characteristics. oklah, not creatures. they are still humans but they dont act like homo-sapiens. i love christmas, so i dont wanna ruin it. i guess i'll end here. good night. merry christmas to all. cheers.

jolly yuletide season

christmas is tomorrow! omg..time passes so fast. in a twinkling of an eye. a year has come to an end. last year was just like 3 months ago. so fast. i miss 2005. i miss form 2.

yesterday was fun. my friends were outside my house! they called me and asked me to come out. i was like what?? why come out? but i was too lazy to step out of the house so i didnt come out. hahaha. went to steph's house. carollers came. sang lovely christmas songs. had good food. had great laugh. had so much of good time.then late at night mood got ruined, so badly. ahh, forget bout the whole thing. i was tired, probably i got up too early. somebody woke me up. on the phone. she's shouting, not talking. haha.

im not ready for school yet. school is in 2 weeks time. i dont like it. i want to have longer holidays. form 3, pmr. im not sure whether i can get straight a's. but i'll work very very hard. i promise that i'll keep my words! well, things dont seem to work well. problems. problems problems. makes me go topsy turvy. but i know that we have to be patient and strong. im waiting for the good Lord to give me the good news. i know He will.

another thing which im worried. my finger. it is healing. but it looks so dry! it looks so freaky and strange. should i put a plaster? but if i do that, my skin wont be able to breathe. then it'll take a much longer time to heal. keep it dry. and apply the skin repair cream. and pray. that is all i can do (i guess?)

i guess i have to stop here. im running out of brain juice. muahahaha.till then. adios

gosh!

yesterday was so much fun. i mean at night. in the afternoon quite boring. but at night was so much of great laugh and of course, great fun! we went to our relative's house yesterday. all my relatives were there. we had good food. of course! you name it, we got it! *wink* shark's fin, scallops, all kinds of seafood, large varieties of mouth-watering meat (haha) and numerous plates of vegetables. there were two tables. one side, for the adults. the other side, for the kids. we cannot even finish our food because the portion was so big! extremely big. we perspired profusely. worth it anyway =). hahaha. then afterwards we had tong yuen. was sweet and delicious. then we had champagnes and sparkling juice. then, we celebrated one of my cousin's achievement in her pmr. she didnt know that there was a cake for her. it was a suprise for her. then, we chit chatted. they were all gambling there. they asked me to gamble, but i was sleepy that time. so i watched them play. they were shouting and laughing. hahaha. too tension. afterwards we had 2nd round. there was so much of good food left. then they were cracking some lame jokes which made us laugh until we drop. we couldnt even chew our food properly! my cousin almost choked on his 7up! then we had tea. muahahha. good quality tea. from yunan (not sure of the spelling). the tea was really nice. the smell was lovely. the taste was great. the colour of the tea was light green. very soothing. loved it. omg. im addicted to tea now. i just love chinese tea.yummmmmmm

i saw something very disgusting just now. i dont have the guts to imagine what will happen in the future! does freak me out.. but i hope that will be the last time. ewwwww. *disgusted*

congratulations to all

today is a big day. for those pmr students. wanna wish you guys congratulations for your excellent achievement. good job. =)

next year, my turn. the 1991s turn. for pmr! sigh. im really scared. even though its still early. im worried for everything! bm,sejarah,kh and the list goes on! im gonna work very very hard. no play play . study study study. well, if i follow the pmr's standard for this year, i only got 5as and 2bs. sad! bs for geografi and science! it was so close to an 'a'! nevermind anyway. i should work harder. probably i didnt work hard enough. it is easy to say, but what matters is whether you keep your words. im afraid. i get influenced easily. i am really desperate to get straight a's. i dont wanna get a 'b'. well, i pray that next year i will keep my words. and no more going online. i mean maybe go online on the weekends. i really hope that i can score straight a's for next year! sigh, im so desperate. i hate studying, especially this year. plenty of homework. a whole bunch of projects. everything went topsy turvy.

i really really wanna achieve my goal! i must work harder. success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. work harder! this year i was lazy. just like a worm. i should turn the blame on my friends. HAha. just joking. because they are sort of my 'new' group. actually not really. this year they sit quite near to me. so we got closer already. last time we hardly talk to each other. HAha. i should blame myself, for getting influenced that easy. sigh. just learned one pantun. the form 3 one. forgotten the title. those who behave well will also behave well wherever they are. hmm. the meaning of this pantun really gave me a 'slap'.

this year. year 2005. lots of memories. ups and downs. happiness and sadness. haha. i realized that i was kinda 'jahat'. maths homework. majority still undone. seriously. you guys didnt expect i would be like this hah! many things happened this year. i was quite happy in the beginning. then at the end, i felt bitter and sour. i took a long time to heal te sadness in me. but im now over with it! *glad* muahahah. this year. was so much of fun. get to be the seniors. get to wake up late. get to enjoy with my friends. loads of fun!

okay okay, back to what i want to say. my finger! still freaks me out! well now, it is better (i guess). i think it is healing. my hands too. pheww. thank God. today is gonna be a boring day. might be going to my relative's house. to celebrate the winter festival. you know, there's gonna be 'tong yuen (glutinous ball)'. i ate alot yesterday. my mom made one whole bunch. and also my cousin. who scored straight a's for her pmr examination. waaa, she is so smart. not like me. so dumb and stupid. im not sure whether i am capable of getting straight a's for next year. hope i can . things change. i believe i can!! coz Jesus is living in me!! yeah!!

im gonna be extremely very hardworking! no play play! i hope i dont get really stressed. dont wanna burst like a balloon!

freaked out!!

it seems so weird. such a strange phenomena. my finger! freaks me out. its like swollen. its reddish but im not sure whether it is healing. few days ago i cover it with plaster. today i took it out. and there's these weird bubbles on my finger. and each time i squueze it, transparent white liquid comes out. it really scares me! scares me to death. and the part of my finger which is healing, it is like dead skin. yellowish and hard. its so freaking me out. i am scared. im really scared. i even dreamt of my finger being amputated due to some kind of rare disease. i am scared. im afraid that it wont heal. im just so freaked out! im really really scared.

Dear Lord, i pray that my finger to be healed. im scared, Lord. im afraid that it wont heal. please Lord. i pray that this is just a minor common problem. i want it to be healed. fully. cover me with Your wings, Lord. please heal me. i dont want it to be like this anymore. it scares me. please Lord. heal me. cover me with Your precious blood. tomorrow, i want to see it healed. i believe in You. in Christ's name, Amen..

christmas

christmas isint christmas till it happens in your heart. the christmas season is here! i just love christmas.. the songs are sung joyfully.. i love christmas trees too. i love to see the beautiful and unique ornaments. and of course presents! i love presents! haha. i sound so childish eh. muahaha. these days internet server was down. so didnt get the chance to visit my blog. today, called streamyx. and they fixed the line back. the year-end-sale has come. sale sale sale! great prices ranging from 10% discount to 50% discount. worth it.

i really wanna go shopping. but i cant. how can i? well, i hope everything goes well. smoothly. free from worries. these days i realised that im being ignorant. kinda. sorry, Lord. please forgive me. i wont do that again. probably im too tired. hectic schedule. mind gets real tired. but now, i wont! never will i.

Dear Lord, sorry for what i did all these days, it is my mistake. forgive me Lord. i wont repeat this mistake again. Lord, i really want my prayer to be answered. maybe this is not the time yet. i believe so. and i know that You will definitely answer our prayers. we are waiting for You, Lord. thank You for all the smiles, the cheerful faces and the boisterous laughter You gave us. thank You so much. i believe that my Lord will answer our prayers. He helps us when we are facing problems,hardships. we love You Lord. at times we dont even know what we are doing. we only realised after we have done it. sorry, Lord. sometimes we just follow our feelings. Lord, we dont want to repeat this again. we want to grow in You. we want to a servant of You. thank You Lord for giving us all these happiness. we are glad. we truly believe that You will help us. yes You will.

weird dream..

today as i woke up, i exclaimed 'Wow!best dream ever.such an adventurous one!'. i had a crazy dream. i enjoyed it. i wished i could just dream longer but my smokie woke me up. i usually hate dreams. because when i dream, my mind gets really tired. but this time, wow! it was fantastic! my mind is a bit tired, but its ok. makes the ride worthwhile!

dreams are like an experience. you will not know what dream you will have tonight. or maybe no dreams at all. it remains a mystery. okay, now i am going to tell you the whole story of my dream. it might sound weird. but overall it was fun! there were pices of it. not continuously. but im going to arrange it. here it starts..

i saw myself going to a cinema. at first world, genting. but the settings were like the 1u gsc cinema. i sat down, relaxed and the movie began. the next thing i saw was me in the movie! the movie was THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA : THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE. i saw lucy floating on ice. remember the part where susan,peter,lucy and the beavers were floating on ice. that was the scene i saw. but i only saw lucy there. and then, there was this little girl wearing specs with freckles tried to float on the ice. but the ice melted into water and she almost fell. and i remember peter and somebody else trying to hold her hands.

the next scene i saw the little specky girl. dead. somebody carried her. not sure who. kinda blur. and her clothes were placed on a tray. that outfit was the traditional korean costume. the one where they wore in JEWEL IN THE PALACE. the colours were fuschia and yellow. that was what i saw. at that moment the atmosphere was tense. melancholy.

then i saw four people sitting on 4 light green chairs. we were facing each other. and then, my chair suddenly 'ran'. i head somebody saying that those who do not fear has the chance of going first. i remembered that the chair was moving really fast. amazingly fast. then i came to a toll, where me and a girl had to pay money in order to get some kind of weapon (not sure what was it). as we got that, we were running. i was running so fast. my legs were carrying me. then we came to another toll. we just ran through it. and we saw this huge iceberg. the scene i saw was exactly like narnia! the gate opened. we were running . so fast. and we saw one of my friend. she ran faster than us. it was like some kind of amazing race. but the scenes i saw were almost like narnia. imagine myself in that scene! wow! superb! then as we ran, my friend disappeared into thin air. then i saw guy with a white shirt and some red wordings behind his shirt catching us up. we were running on snow. and what i saw was this enormous beautiful iceberg. then as we were running with the others, i heard a voice saying 'stop ! there is an announcement to make. please wait here'. then we stopped our track. then suddenly i was back at my seat in the cinema. the show was over. then we walked through this old stairs in genting. the settings were like the 80s. then i saw many people lining up. it was kind of miserable. but the journey was just so adventurous and great.

i enjoyed myself thoroughly in this dream. i had never experienced like this before. marvellous, splendid, magnificient and grandios! absolutely a ripping experience!

snow

i really admire snow. i just love it. it is such a pity that we dont experience snow here in our country! sobs. snow. precipitation formed by the sublimation of water vapor into solid crystals at temperatures below freezing. an interesting question is why the arms of snowflakes are symmetrical, and why no two snowflakes appear to be indentical. i find snowflakes unique. they have special shapes. to me, snow is like something very 'pure' and 'suci'. yeah, it sounds ridiculous. but that is my point of view. i really want to experience snow. i would like to experience at least once, before i pass away or something. lovers usually enjoy the snow. because it has a romantic atmosphere. i agree with that. NOT because i have experienced it before okay. i see it in the tv, okayz.

after this, i have to go to my music class. i starts at 1.30pm and i am still sitting here posting my blog. christmas is coming. next week, on sunday. what a coincidence. will this coming christmas be a memorable one for me? last year's one really rocked the galaxy. that will be embedded in my memory forever. it was so much of fun. one day passes so quickly. we were waiting for so long for this special day to come. and the day passes so fast. when you mention christmas, there will be snow, santa claus, christmas trees and not forgetting the presents. i love presents. i mean who doesnt? haha. it is like a msytery. you dont know what others might give you, and you'll be guessing. shaking your presents. tossing here and there. trying to figure out what it is. my finger hurts. the middle one, on the right hand. i dont know what is going on with it! sometimes i get so fricking crazy over it. such an eye sore. hope it'll heal.

i bathed smokie today. she was running here and there. i have to catch her and my mom has to scrub her, etc. that was phewww! its getting tougher. she runs here and there. probably the water was too cold. and then when we were done, she ran here and there . when we were trying to wash the soap off her body, it was like playing some kind of battle field game. she was like hiding at one corner.at the back of the fish's pond. and then when she finnally showed herself, we took the hose. plucked it on to the tap, and 'shoot' at her. we were like laughing. i was giggling there. everybody guffawed. it was kinda fun. we got wet.

alright. i gotta go now. my music class. wish me luck. i might not survive this d-day event.

will my dreams come true?

do dreams come true? i guess mine will. because i have Jesus in my heart. im sure that he will answer my prayers. few days ago the sky seemed dark. really dark. it poured. heavily. it was like the silvery clouds gliding imperceptibly against each other. the rain was really heavily. it looked like a giant watering his plants. there were thunderstroms too. the thunders were accompanined by chilly gusts of wind. it was really violent. the sound was like a knife in my ear. Intense rain begins, then gradually diminishes as the storm passes. when i heard the problem last week, my mood changed. drastically. from cheery to melancholy. these days i spent my time crying. and praying. i kept praying and praying. i was desperate for God's help. i am very sure that he will have mercy on us. He will. i believe in You, Jesus.

Dear Lord, thank You so much for answering a part of my prayer. my hopes were dead, and now it is alive. nothing can describe how i feel right now. i feel peace. Full of high-spirited gaiety. this is just the beginning. i am sure that the good Lord from heaven will answer the rest of my prayers. i am glad that He gave me hope, confidence and patience. Lord, without You, i dont know what will i be doing now. i am really thankful for everything i have right now. i used to be a childish and spoilt brat. i didnt realise that the things i enjoy doing might hurt others. now, i have realised. i have learned to be a better person. thank You Lord for holding my hand all these years. i really really appreciate You. Lord, i would like to say a big thank You to You. in Jesus's name i pray, Amen

God has answered a part of my prayer

euphoria. thats my name in ragnarok. ladyeuphoria. a feeling of great happiness. indeed. God has actually a part of my prayer. thank You, Lord. i dont have to leave my beloved best friend already! smokie of course. im just so happy. i dont wanna leave her because she is much closer to me. i love her really much, even though i tend to get irritated or annoyed over her act. mischievious and naughty. well as for her age, it is normal. we thought that she was a hysterical dog. and sometimes we get too frustrated. we even planned to bring her to SPCA because she was creating problems. chaos and havoc in our house. even though smokie is naughty, but we still love her. you can always hear us shouting and screaming in our house. we get too impatient. that is why we shout and yell at her. sometimes i pity her when my dad whacks her. but this the time that we should teach her. or else she will be the queen of the house. and she is the dominant one, not us. we definitely dont want this to happen.im glad that we can still have her. yay =)

Dear Father in heaven, thank You for answering my prayer. at one time i cried because of all tese problems. and also another problem, about smokie. and now im glad that we dont have to leave her. the bond between us is there. i dont want to lose her, as she keeps me company. and i do tell her my feelings, thoughts. she listens too. well it may sound a little ridiculous, but believe it or not, it is true. well these problems are not over yet. there are plenty more problems that we worry everyday. i know that our Father in heaven will definitely answer our prayers. i pray for the best to happen. our Lord is merciful. i know that He will definitely have mercy on us. He will. because i believe in Him. all we need is faith. faith is believing. believing is faith. in Christ i place my trust. i know that He will decide what is right for us. i will worship the Lord forever. forever i will bow down to Him. i am deeply in love in Him. He is too wonderful for us. i am waiting for His blessings. He will definitely bless us. i know. it is just a matter of time. we need patience, Lord. Father in heaven, we are stressed by these problems. Lord, please give us peace. we dont want to worry everyday. we want to have confidence. we want to feel peace in our heart. take all these worries away, Lord. Lord, i pray for our health. i want all of us to be in the pink of health. i dont want diseases or sickness coming into our lives, destroying our happiness. i want to live a normal and happy life. just like others. i also want to pray for protection for all of my family members including everybody. hold us in Your arms, keep us safe. Heavenly Father, i have another prayer request. i want all my family members to believe in You. i want them to be saved. i want to see them in heaven. i love all of them. i want to see them saved. i want them to accept You as their only saviour. i want everybody in this world to be saved. Lord, i also pray for peace in this world. i dont want wars to happen. we want peace. i dont want to see innocent people die. i dont want to see children begging. i dont want to see them losing their loved ones. i dont want this to happen. Lord, i pray that everything will be okay. we dont want this suffer anymore. take away all the negative thoughts and worries in us. give us patience, confidence and wisdom. we will wait for You, o Lord. i know You will answer our prayers. You will..

Through Repentance

I stay busy, but I sometimes get bored.
That is when I pray for strength from my Lord.
Sometimes, in my journal, I write my Lord a letter.
Soon after, without fail, my Lord has made me better.

My Lord is with me when no one else is.
What is His, is mine. What is mine, is His.
His endless love I will forever crave,
From this day forward until I enter my grave.

From my pen and paper my thoughts protrude.
It becomes a blessing when my world comes unglued.
When times are hard I must remain a man.
I must humble myself and let my Lord guide my hand.

God is good

So perfect is nature, though not by man;
It's the brush of our master that paints the land.
The sun comes up and sun goes down,
As in every direction God's wonders are found.

The tide comes in and the tide goes out,
Our faith in eternalness is what life is about.
Contentment depends on which path we walk,
By daylight or darkness; our faith is our rock.

Our confidence and trust in a higher power,
Helps guide us through every moment and hour.
Fidelity to ones promise and observance of law,
Lets our Lord know we heed his call.


i love my Lord so much because he saved me, you and everyone in this world!

impossible

Dear Lord, i really dont know what to do. why is it bugging me? i feel hurt in the inside. why is it so difficult to get through this? will we get through? it seems so impossible. it makes me lose my confidence. its just so hard. because of this, all of us are sad. are u destined to make us sad? our mood really went down. we worry, we shed a tear. these problems are killing my insanity. i so hate it. i hate these problems. why does it fall on us? i really hate it. why me? i dont know. the thing i fear most is yet to be the truth. im sure it will. sighs. i seriously hate life. i never experienced like this before. it is so hurting. i hate life. why has God given me this type of life? i feel so troubled with these stupid problems. it is really killing my sanity. how can i put a smile? i really hate this. this life is just so painful! i just hate life, i know that i should not. but how am i suppose to enjoy life with all these problems sticking on to me? i hate it. i feel that life is just so meaningless. i really wish that miracles can happen right now. im willing to do ANYTHING to make things go right. just anything. why everything does not seem to be on my way? life really really sucks! i am drowning in this pool of sadness. it totally sucks. i hate life. i hate this.

Lord, is this fate? i really hate this. these problems are really serious. im really sick of all these dumb problems!! i really hate it. why me, Lord? why me? why me?? why why?? is it something wrong that i have done? if it is, i am wiling to do anything to repay back. Lord, this is terrible. i dont wanna go through this. im sick of everything. i envy those who has a much better life than me. others get to enjoy, but i dont!! why is life so unfair?? why? WHY? w-h-y? Lord, im really sad. im really troubled. im sad, Lord. please take away the problems in us. i dont want to experience it anymore. im sick. im tired. im exhausted. my hopes are dead. will it be alive again? Lord, i am depressed. i dont want to get through this anymore. its just to painful. i dont want , Lord. i just want to live like others. but why is it stopping me? i just want to live a normal life. a normal one. without these problems. but why is it so impossible? i want to live like others. a normal and happy-go-lucky life. but it is just too hard to achieve that. im such a failure. i watch them helplessly trying to save the situation. what am i capable of? Lord, please take away these problems. i dont want it to happen again. i dont want. why Lord? why is it so hard to achieve what i want? i never felt like this before. Lord, please make miracles happen. i am tired of everything. Lord, heal the torment in me. please take it away. i dont want it to be the truth. i dont want. forgive us for our misdoings. promise me Lord. that You will change these problems into blessings. Lord, i cant afford to be like this anymore. Lord, i pray for the impossible to happen. i believe in You.

confessions of a broken heart

what is life? is it full of happiness or sadness? i dont know. but all i experience is sadness. these problems keep bugging me. all day long. i really dont want it to happen. i dont dare to imagine what will happen if is the truth.am i just being impatient or what? i really dont know. it is like pointless to worry about this matter, as i believe that Jesus will decide, and he will provide the best for us. but it is normal to feel stressed and pressured. that is what i feel. i know that i should not worry too much, because when you worry , it means that you dont really trust God. well well. maybe i should just be more brave. i should not hesitate on God's choice. i should trust him 100%. i will. i just pray that the Lord will provide us with great blessings. He knows what is right for us. i believe so. all i have to do is just repent and commit myself to Him. and obey Him with all my heart and soul. i should be a little more patient. i know that God will make my dreams come true. surely He will.

loads of fun

yesterday was fun! omg..i was so tired yesterday. so i didnt visit my blog. haha. went out with my cousins. and watched narnia!! omg..narnia was just so nice!more than what i expected. superb. a bomb man. its based on a Christian trilogy. wow. nice. next show. i might wanna watch the machinist or king kong. hahaha. next year there's gonna be a penguin show. i forgotten the title. but it is really nice. they showed the previews. looks cute and funny. i was waiting for narnia since september. they advertised it before the movie was going to start. it looked interesting. and now i watched it already! hahaha. nice show. well, i pray that my hopes can be the truth. i know that the best is yet to come. i have faith in Him. and i leave everything unto Him. i let Him decide what is right for us. i believe that He is fair. we can make through the rain. i know, we can. =)

indeed!

Jesus lead me out of sorrows
and many dark dreary nights
he wash me clean of my sins
and show me the way to the light.

He took away my sickness
and restore in me good health
with Jesus in my life i care not
for material things or wealth.

When unhealthy thinking enters my mind
a good thought my way he would toss
to make me realize the reason why
He was nailed on calvary's cross.

He is the only friend i have
and to Him i entrust my life
He seems to be the only one there
when i'm struggling in strife.

His love and care he shows us all
each and every day
He lights up our darkest path
like a beacon on a bay.

If you come to Him now and confess all your sins
He'll restore in you a clean heart
He'll help you put your past behind
and embark on a brand new start.

hopes alive

today my day was okay.average. at least my doggie cheered me up. even though she loves to bite me, ahh...i still love her..there are so many scars on my leg just because of her! haiz..aiya nevermind. later she'll outgrown it. bathed her today. with my brother's help. was tiring but fun.. she didnt really give us problems. now, i see a bright light in this darkness. i saw my hopes crushed and broken and now, it is alive (i think..?)

thank You Lord Jesus. thank You so much for helping us. without You, i dont know what will happen. thank You so much Lord.i am not so srue of the situation right now but according to my instincts, it is doing well. (i guess...?) Dear Lord, i pray that everything will be okay. my instincts might be wrong , but i pray that You will bless us fruitfully. we need Your help. we desperately need You. i know that You are with us. You are present. You are holding our hands. Lord, You are too marvellous for words. nothing can describe Your love for us. Your love for us is better than life. You are beautiful beyond description. im unsure of whats going on. but i pray that You will make miracles happen. we are holding firm unto You. answer our prayers , Lord. we know that You are merciful. we need You. we love You. we want You. thank You Lord for cheering me up today. today i felt abit okay. thank You for giving me peace. i feel peace at my heart. Lord, give confidence to us. we want to get through this storm with courage. we know that we will, and we can. because You are with us. we are standing firm on You. we trust You more than anything else. i leave my choice unto You.i know that the Lord will provide. He is my only provider. i believe so. i have faith in You. in Jesus's name i pray, Amen..

breaking down

life is so hard. i just heard another bad news. another thing which i fear most has yet to become the truth. everything happened so drastically right in front of my eyes. why o why? why me but not others?everytime i wake up. im worried. im worried about everything. even though it seems impossible for us to go through this obstacle. it is impossible. i really do hope that You will make miracles happen. it seems impossible through our eyes. but with You, im sure that we can get through this.life is so hard. its very hard. why all these? why do problems exist? why why why? why do these stupid problems come looking for us?i dont want those thigns i fear most be the truth. i dont want. i totally dont want. i really hate it! this world is so unfair! why others get to enjoy we are suffering right here? pain pain pain!

Dear Lord, i really dont want it to be the truth. show us the right way, o Lord. i dont want these to be the truth. i dont want. why do these problems look for us? everytime i wake up, i am very worried. i am afraid that it might happen today. i dont want. im scared, o Lord. im scared. im very very scared. its just so impossible for us to achieve our goal. i want our goals to be possible, o Lord. with You, i am sure that the impossible can be possible. Lord, please hold our hands. gather us in Your arms. we desperately need You. only You can help us. Lord, im starting to lose my confidence that we might not get through this. im always thinking of the negative side.will it happen, o Lord? i have faith in You alone. i leave everything unto You. i give all my everything to You. i commit myself to You. just to You alone. Lord, please hold our hands. have mercy on us. we want to see Your light. we want to see miracles happen. we want to be Your fruitful servant. only You can change things. i believe in You, Lord. in Christ i place my trust. no matter what happens in the future, i will always worship You. determine our steps, Lord. we desperately need You. help us, Lord. answer our prayers. i know You definitely will. hold my hands, Lord. help me to get through this pool of sadness and misery. i dont want to get drown in it. Lord, You are mighty. You are my only God. my one and only Lord. i'll never know how much it costs to see my sins upon the cross. Lord, forgive us for all our misdoings. we repent, o Lord. take away all our suffering and pain. take it away. go away! bring happiness to us, Lord. we believe that You can do that. You are wonderful o Lord. we are deeply in love with You. we will always hold on to You. we will always rejoice and praise You for You are our only Lord. nothing can change the truth. dear Lord, answer our prayers. i know You will make miracles happen for You are mightier than the waves, higher than the mountains. You are our provider. we have faith in You. we will walk with You together. now, always and forever.

For All You Have Done

My savior
Redeemer
Lifted me from the miry clay

Almighty
Forever, I will never be the same
Cause You came here
From the everlasting
To the world we live
The Father’s only Son

And You lived
You died
You rose again on high
You opened the way for the world to live again

Hallelujah, for all You’ve done

fantasy

my hopes are crushed,
crushed into tiny bits,
i saw myself shattered,
into pieces,
my hope is dead,
will it be alive again?
its just so hard for me,
to go through this obstacle,
will everything be the same again?
i pray for miracles to happen,
i know,
that my Lord is my provider,
all i need is patience,
i believe,
that the Lord will have mercy on us.

-joanne- 6/12 8.40pm

shattered..

my hopes are crushed. shattered into bits. my dream has disappeared. will it be possible? i heard some bad news yesterday. my heart sank. why does this happen to me? why do problems look for me? is it something wrong that i did? im really depressed. i feel sad and hurt in the inside, not knowing what to do. i feel like crying right now. the thing i fear most is the truth already. i have to face it.

Dear Lord, im really sad. i dont know what to do. these problems are bugging me. i feel so hurt. im crying right now. nobody knows it. Lord, i have faith in You alone. You are my provider. Lord, i know that You will provide. i leave it unto You. why is it so hard to achieve our goal? what have i done? why is it happening to me? i dont want it to happen. i dont want it at all! Lord, will You make our dreams come true? will You make miracles happen? i believe that You will. im waiting Lord. i know You will be our provider. i hope that we can get through this obstacle. sometimes it seems impossible. but it'll definitely be possible through our Lord Jesus Christ. im afraid that the worse will happen. i dont want it to be the truth. i know, Lord. i have faith in You alone. im standing firm on You. and i know You will definitely have mercy on us. i'll rejoice in You always. happiness or sadness. i will rejoice in You! Lord , i know that You will provide. coz You are my one and only God. i love u Lord. nothing can change that. i'll wait for You o Lord. i'll wait.

scribbles

okay. these days didnt really write posts. today i shall write. haha. hm. kinda happy coz going to watch narnia with my cousins! yay! ahhaha. i wana watch perhaps love too. got takeshi kaneshiro there. lengzai man. should i just wait patiently or just get over it and forget the whole thing? hm. im like stuck. people encourage me not to give up. im still waiting. waiting. i see myself as nothing. seriously. i dont find myself attractive at all. seriously. haiz. sometimes i do get hurt when i see someone with her. am i just being jealous? i dunno lah. but now, im already 101% over it. haha. it feels wonderful. even though its kinda hard but i made it through. hahaha. im glad. im relieved. will my time come? i dunno. maybe i should just be more patient. lol lol. but i cant wait anymore. desperate ar? lol lol. alright. i shall wait. be patient. school is back! argh!! pmr. so fast. its in the morning session! argh! i cant sleep any longer. but 1 thing is that i can meet back my friends. hahaha. but next year i must be a good girl. not like this year. skipped uncountable homeworks, ponteng so many days. next year i gotta work extra extra hard! i hope i can get straight a's. hmm. seems hard. but i hope my goal will be possible. i leave it unto the Lord. i'll do lotsa revisions. work really hard. but how am i suppose to get rid of my addiction? my addiciton = going online. my results this year really sucks. urgh. disappointed. but i know why. its because i didnt work hard. must work harder! hahaha. i shall do my best and the rest i'll leave it to Jesus =). achieving straight a's is like kinda hard. i dunno lah. but everybody says that its easy. for me, its super difficult! im worried about maths. i totally hate maths! dumb angles, bla bla! and bm. my bm is really terrible. haiz. sejarah im kinda scared. but i'll try my very best to memorize every single thing. i really hope that i can get straight a's. but based on my results, i dont think its possible. ='( but i really want to make the impossilbe possible! hope so can lah. summer scent. lovely! just love that show. plus the songs too. 101% cunted with altec lansing! i love my altec lansing and lcd to bits! altec lansing is a device which makes the 'bom bom' (bass) sound when u play songs or whatever on ur computer. cunted man. love it. its just so nice when u on it real loud. disturbing but nice. hahaha. today there were a few problems. is this an obstacle or what? when things are near to the best part, suddenly things will happen and then it'll disappear. im kinda disappointed and sad. but i know that i have to pray harder. i'll stand firm on Jesus. i know He'll provide! the best is yet to come! just be patient! i know that Jesus will bless us abundantly. everything is possible through Christ! yess! i leave my choice unto Him. always trust in Him when things dont seem to be on ur way. the best will come! it definitely will! woW. wrote kinda logn post. muahahaha. alright i gotta ciaoz. tomorrow i have tuition. argh! gotta wake up early.man. aihz. okayz. till then. good night. adios.

saturday

so long never write blog liao. kinda busy these days. this is what im feeling right know. it sounds lame, i know.

There's a hole in my heart,
That won't let me live.

I tried to tell you,
But i couldn't find the words.

All I had to say was "I love you"

But here I stand,
Unwilling to say.
Those beautiful words,
To my dismay.

I know he doesn't Love Me
Most Definetley Not how i love him.
But that doesn't change a thing.

Maybe It's his Charm...
Maybe it's his Smile...

Perhaps it's the way
He never notices me
Or even g l a n c e s
In My Direction.

I will always love him,
But shall never tell,
Deep inside...
I hide my secret,
That shan't come out
Untill he is here with me,
Holding me tight,
Maybe Right Here
Right Here, Tonight.

well well..this is straight from my heart.im just voicing out my thoughts and feelings here. ^^"